Dear Dr. Romance:
I have a question for you. I normally don't ask questions like this. But I was looking at your Facebook page and reading some of your responses. Here goes.

I have been with this female for almost 1 year. I really love her a lot. The last month things have changed. We don't spend nearly as much time together as we used to. She has Thyroid Disease and her medicine fluctuates which can change her mood a lot.  We used to meet every morning for a hello, hug and kiss have a good day before work. Took lunch together everyday. Last two weeks we have done neither of the above. She says that she is tired and going home to rest and doesn't have time in the mornings to meet with me. I have asked her if she wanted to continue our relationship and she says that she does. That she wants to be with me. We have planned on having a child together and getting our own house together. Do you feel that she is wanting out and doesn't want to tell me or hurt me? I don't know what to do. I give her space and time but it seems its not enough. I truly don't want to leave her because we have so much fun together. We go camping on the weekends and do pretty much everything together or at least we did. Should I just keep giving her time and see what happens or should I just end it and go on with my life?

Dear Reader:

No wonder you are confused -- you are getting very mixed messages.  It's possible your girlfriend is just going through a difficult time with her health, and really has no energy.  If this is true, she may feel that she has to be "up" and energetic to please you, and she just doesn't have the stamina right now to do it.  So, she's avoiding you.  You might consider whether you are asking too much of her right now. Perhaps she needs to know whether you can be there for her when her health is not good. 

You don't say what your living situations are, but if possible, why don't you try asking if you can come over to her house and pamper her for an evening?  Try thinking about what you can do for her, rather than what she is not doing for you.  Maybe she'd like a nice, quiet evening, watching a movie, Where she doesn't have to entertain you. Maybe you both need to get a little less romantic and more realistic about your relationship. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success"  and How to Be a Couple and Still Be  give you more detailed information on how to create a more mutual relationship.

Couple and Free

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

 

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.