Dear Dr. Romance:
I like your article "Stupid Cupid" and find that all your down-to-earth questions should be applicable in a daily life of a relationship. I will forward it to my friends. I'm writing you about a guy that I met at my dance class. I found him to be very nice and smart. My immigrant family is concerned for me and wants to know where I am (especially late at night). He did not like that and said that I should look for a guy from my own country and that he is not even thinking about marriage. I never mentioned a marriage or asked anything from him. For the most part we were just dancing together. Why would anyone insist on a relationship for months and want just no-emotions short-term-only-sex relationship instead? Or it is me and my family that scare him? Or is it that I always find cowards?
I'm glad you enjoy the article, and thanks for forwarding it. Somehow, your dance partner got the idea that you want marriage, maybe because your family is so concerned about you. He can see that, to continue dating you, he'd have to be serious, and he's not. If you are really just dancing with him, then tell him that, and that you're not interested in a relationship. Lots of men want to be 'friends with benefits' which means sex partners with no commitment. It's not a good idea for you, so tell him you're not interested in dating or sex, you just want to dance. On the other hand maybe he met someone else, and is trying to let you down easy. Either way, there's no way to persuade him to be with you if he doesn't want to. Let him go, move on, and if he really cares, he'll be back. A lot of men are cowards about commitment as long as they think they can get what they want without committing. "Guidelines for Successful Dating" will give you some ideas on how to find a guy who really cares. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together will give you a new model for relationships.
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.