Dear Dr. Romance:
I was very attracted to a lady and I did things for her with out asking for any thing in return. She was single and I fixed her jeep, I put down new linoleum in her kitchen for her, we did go out together for drinks, dinner, dancing, movies as well as other things together. However, I never did try and kiss her or tell her how I felt or what I wanted. She broke my heart when she went out with a guy and then told me she really liked him a lot. I stopped seeing her and as it turned out she married the guy 6 to 8 months later. I did get an invite to the to her wedding, but I did not go. I regret not telling her how I felt; but it is hard to talk about my feelings to any one. I know that I should have but I never did. Even today 10 yrs later I wonder what happened to her and him. I know that they moved to a town south of here and bought a new home there after she sold her home here. And I have not done that for any women since, I felt used by her. In all the years since then, I have not dated or really found any one that I was that attracted to.
You are not alone, there are lots of guys like you, and gals don't really understand what's going on. Rather than nursing your hurt and resentment (feeling used) I think you'd be happier and better off if you learned from your experience, and decided you have to learn to communicate your feelings with words. You don't have to get all flowery, but you have to manage to stammer out "I have feelings for you" if nothing else. Once you've had car repairs and linoleum in common, it's time to stop waiting around for her to catch on, and stand up and tell her to her face. The lady in question may have been as frustrated as you were, and may even have told you she was going out with someone to get you to declare your feelings. When you didn't, she felt free to move on.
You sound like a great guy, one of the good ones, and it's sad that you can't let a lady know that you like her; you don't deserve to be alone, and your closed mouth is the only thing standing in your way. "Getting to Yes" will help you figure out how to talk to a woman, and "Asking for What You Want" will show you some ways to do it, and ways not to do it.
Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences was written just for people like you, who don't understand how to communicate. The exercises and information in it will help you find the love you are wishing for.
For low-cost counseling, email me at email@example.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.