Dear Dr. Romance:
I have been dating this girl for 3 months now but we were talking and going on occasional dates for a good 5 months before we finally made it offical. Now that we are together things have changed. She ignores me when we are around friends and family. When I ask her if she wants to do something or just hang out she always finds an excuse and i end up finding out she went out with her friend at the last second. I finally tried talking to her about it and she said that she wasn't in the mood and every time I try to she just says the same thing. I really don't know what to I really do like her a lot, but I hate being treated like crap.
Apparently, she wasn't really ready to make it official. She's taking her distance from you. I recommend that you offer to go back to being just friends, and see what she says. You can't make her want to be nice to you, but you can let her go if she's not. Telling her you want to make it unofficial might be a wake-up call. If she's feeling pressured and overwhelmed, getting more space from you may be just what she needs to understand that you're important in her life. "Letting Go Takes Love" and "Getting to Yes" will help you understand how and why to back off. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will give you guidelines for establishing balance and mutuality in your relationship.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Long Beach, Calif. since 1978 and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She publishes the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio shows.