Dear Dr. Romance:
We'd been really close and intimate. I thought we were going to be in a special relationship soon because he told me we were having something special. No matter how tired he was, he'd had his dinner with me.
He got paranoid every time I threatened to stop talking to him when he got me all jealous. Recently I was questioning him about texting other girls and we brought up the 'freedom' matter. He thinks it's a freedom to text any girls he wants to. He knows how much it hurt me every time I think of him doing that. I asked him if I was just an ordinary friend to him and he suggested that we'd be best friends, just like what he's doing with some other girls! He said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and that he didnt want to confuse himself but he wants to remain close with me.
Eventually I made up my mind that I should stop any form of contact, at all. Did I make the right move, for I know it'd definitely hurt me more to be his "best friend" while loving him. Loving someone but not getting to own that person? It's going to hurt me more, isnt it?
Just when I think about all the things he'd done, like having dinner with me although he was so darn tired, etc., it makes me think that it's a waste to give up on this love. =(
Yes, you made the right move. He's not even close to being ready for a relationship, or he just doesn't care very much about you. This is not love. He may be kind, but he's not caring. He doesn't have enough integrity to commit. He's not done messing around; and if you take the relationship seriously while he's not, you're going to experience a lot of pain. Be friends with him if you want to, but stop looking for more. Find someone else to love. "When Love is Kind" will help you recognize the importance of kindness in a relationship. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will show you a fun, safe and effective way to find a guy who can really care about you.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Long Beach, Calif. since 1978 and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She publishes the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio shows.