You and a colleague, Harry are up for a promotion. You know you are the better person for the job, but Harry got the position. Heâs pompous, arrogant and doesnât have the leadership skills that inspire you to generate, well, anything. You scratch your head in disbelief that he was chosen over you.
Part of you, perhaps wants to sabotage Harryâs efforts and do whatever you can to expose him for the inadequate, incompetent individual that you see him to be; however, that goes against your integrity, and you may end up looking bad and feeling worse in the end.
For some reason, even though the whole office knows of Harryâs incompetence, no one seems to take action. Heâs that one rotten apple that spoils the whole barrel.
There are a lot of Harryâs and Harriets in the business world. As an administrative assistant, manager or whatever your position, you know you are smarter than your boss. You deserve his salary and every perk that goes along with his position, because you are working your butt off and heâs the one that is looking good! AAARRRGGHH!
If you go above Harryâs head to his boss, Glenda, you might be not only aggravate Harry but also be making it clear to Glenda that she may have made a choice that is creating negative consequences far beyond any expectations. Sheâs already regretting her choice and knows thereâs nothing she can do.
This scenario is not uncommon. Probably 30% of my business clients are struggling with at least one particular individual that is a thorn in their side. They question their own sanity and the sanity of those who put the Harrys of the world in those positions. What do you do?
Itâs a dilemma.
Do you stay or do you go? Do you ask to get transferred? Do you stay and suck it up, because you need the job? Do you try to go around Harry, or do you do what you do best and ignore what Harry wants from you?
My job as a transformational coach is not to fix, heal or convert clients, so theyâll have the answers to problems that they face. My job is to be a thinking partner, empowering clients to unravel all of the complexities that are bringing him or her to this dilemma and this choice-point.
Our businesses systems are no different than our family systems, in that they are generated and driven by survival mechanisms that most likely operate from a fear-based paradigm. They have been cultivated through generations of personal relationships based on cultural, religious, gender and racial factors. Too often wisdom and common sense do not enter into the equation when it comes to how a business or family is operating. We take for granted and assume intelligence and maturity would be foundational to choosing directors, managers and leaders, but trust me, and you may know from your own experience, most people running businesses, departments and corporations function, to some degree, from the emotional intelligence of an adolescent. It makes sense that you are going to think you are smarter than your boss; in some ways you probably are; in other ways you probably arenât.
Notice the Pattern
The trick is to notice this pattern of operating. When youâre feeling smarter than â whatâs the quality of the experience? Are you feeling righteous and arrogant, contemptuous and condescending? Do you feel frustrated and discouraged? What actions are you likely to take from righteous, condescending, frustrated and discouraged? What do you do to compensate for feeling this way? How do you avoid, distract, ignore or deny your own part in this dysfunctional process? By the way, we are all participating in having the Harryâs of the world be where they are.
The questions funnel down to just one:
What is it you are here to learn that has Harry be in your life, in this time, in this way?
Answer this question and youâll understand what it is you need to shift in order to facilitate the learning. I guarantee that while doing whatâs required in order to make the shift, youâll notice that Harry will either change or go away! Itâs fascinating to observe what changes within our environment once we get our part in maintaining it as it has been.
Entangled and embroiled in the cauldron of complexity of our work environment, its challenging to see all of this without a thinking partner or coach who can hold the bigger picture and who also holds you accountable for your participation in the unfolding of your life within this bigger picture. No coach or thinking partner? Thatâs okay. Just be willing to be truthful in answering the questions above. This alone will create a positive shift for you; and the Harryâs of the world will go POOF!
By the way, some of the Harryâs of the world are my clients too. Given an opportunity to look at what has them choose to choose to be how they be, they, too, willingly shift in support of a larger, more fulfilling outcome. Yey for us all!
This article is contributed by Dr. Rosie Kuhn, founder of the Paradigm Shifts Coaching Group, author of Self-Empowerment 101, and creator and facilitator of the Transformational Coaching Training Program. She is a life and business coach to individuals, corporations and executives.