Dating online has many problems not faced when dating from your church or denomination. The most common is distance. I’ve heard many horror stories in the last year. One woman reported that she dated someone over the phone for a year. Then, when it was time to meet he disappeared and she never heard from him again.
This is not his/her fault. Many men, and some women, have problems with attachments. If you are one then online dating is not for you. Online dating attracts a high number of men with attachment issues. They visit these sites because they can become involved but there is always the ‘quick out’. Women must be able to accept this risk when entering the online dating world.
Another disadvantage is the belief by many men that the website is an ‘online candy store’. They can just sample and try out, tossing back what they don’t want. This is equally as common between men and women. Some websites have favourite sections that let you know what other people are doing. That way, if you are dating someone who says they are serious, but you catch them viewing profiles, or sending emails, then you have enough proof to cut them loose.
One woman tells a story of a man who talked marriage at Christmas. In Feb she noticed that he was online a lot. She ‘lurked’ and watched him checking out profiles and sending IMs. She eventually sent an IM and he answered it. She wondered why, but he had a good story. So she let it ride for another 2 months. Then, she started realizing that he was not always available. In the end, she found out that he was dating 5 women at the same time, and that he only said he would marry her because he wanted to keep her ‘on the line’ in case the main woman he was actively chasing left and he had to settle for her.
Profiles lie. As long as you are prepared to arrive at a date and see a different person, often about 10 years older than their picture, or be stood up, then you will be able to protect yourself emotionally.
Being stood up is a common problem. I do not believe a woman should go to the man. I’ve seen women drive hours to visit a man. There must be a mutual willingness to meet. I warn that a man wants a woman to take the effort, but he will do little, than there is something unhealthy about hit attitude toward a woman, or relationships in general. Men should enjoy the pursuit phase of a relationship. They should want the challenge. When they make excuses as to why a woman should play their role, then they are often announcing that they have a problem with the relationship, or are not that interested.
Remember that there are worse things than being single. Online dating should not be done ‘on impulse’. Do not fall into the trap of feeling that you might be turning away from your ‘last chance at love.’ And, make sure that you want this relationship. Do not let the ‘love’ chemicals cause you to rush into a bad relationship.
Suzanne James has 10 years experience as an online life coach, using the telephone to facilitate her coaching strategy. Her experience helping clients reset their core values, choose a better mate, adapt to the single's life, and handle post divorce issues is built through personal experience and professional training. There is a wealth of information here, and on her website: http://www.suzannejames.com