Until very recently I had co-owned some property with an ex-partner he had been living in. When he decided to move out we made the decision to sell and that’s when a previously amicable situation turned sour. This isn’t a negative piece about him, and nor shall I go into details but rather about a choice I had to make which is quite common in this ‘ole thing we call life.
In my situation emotions were running high and a lot of money was at stake. It didn’t end in a way I felt was entirely fair and friends and family were full of advice about what I could/should do. Finally after months of wrangling and solicitors letters I decided to let it go. Why? Because I had to make a choice between trying to prove my point (which was stressful and interfering in my emotional well-being), and being happy. Trying to achieve both, in this instance, just wasn’t working for me.
Ideally we would all like to be right and happy but from time to time we find ourselves in frustrating scenarios where we can make a choice about how we feel. Your colleague may be promoted over you, a friend may do something you don’t agree with, you may receive an unjust parking ticket or your partner may be, well, just irritating you.
Recognising it is not the situation that makes us feel bad but the way we instantly label it as wrong and react to it leads us to a choice. We can be judgemental, inwardly seethe and lament about the injustice all we want or we can choose to know that although we don’t agree with the words and actions of others it doesn’t have to breed negativity and loathing within us. We cannot change or control the way others speak and behave no matter how much it conflicts with our own beliefs.
So next time you find yourself compromised ask yourself the following: -
1) Can I let this go without serious repercussions? If you can, great.
2) What will I gain by pursuing this? If ultimately it is just to say/know you were right think about whether that feeling of satisfaction will really be worth the stress you go through to get there?
3) Am I worrying too much? If you are spending time going over and over this scenario in your head, or thinking about the impact it may have on your future, you are missing the beauty of the Now. Is it really worth it?
4) What will happen if I prove I am right? Usually not a lot! Think carefully about what you will gain by trying to prove your point. Think about what you could gain right now by consciously choosing happiness over negativity.
I made my choice and it doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what I believe in in the future or let others take advantage but I had to evaluate what is truly important to me right now.
If something is interfering with your inner peace and joy of being, you may need to ask yourself “do I want to be fighting to be right or be happy?” Now breathe, and let it go.
Louise Jensen is an award winning Kinesiologist and is certified in many therapies, including the Mind Detox Method (as featured on Discovery Health) where she graduated from the Mind Detox Academy in record time. A regular writer, Louise has overcome living with a disability and has 12 years’ experience in helping others to heal. In 2012 Louise co-created The Happy Starfish, an online community dedicated to celebrating health, happiness and peaceful living.