Isn’t it great to be alive? You know the way we sometimes need an arm around the shoulder, and sometimes need a kick up the backside? Well I have had a number of clients (and friends) thank me lately for speaking very plainly, and honestly. One even commented “No-one ever cared enough to shout before”.
Now this does not mean that I actually shouted at her. It simply means that after spending some time getting to know her, and her issues, and gaining her trust, I felt the time for some straight talking had come. It worked. It was enough to break her self-pitying default state. A wake-up call. Which was just what she needed, at that particular time.
Now it’s much harder to pull this off, without offending people, in print. Obviously you can’t know every reader personally, and it’s hard to convey inflection in the written word. But sometimes, things just need said. So, here goes…
Standing up to the bully
If you had a so-called ‘friend’ who constantly bad-mouthed you; who always put you down; called you stupid; bullied you; undermined you; always told you ‘you are useless/stupid/weak/; you’re not good enough; you never were; you never will be; the chances are you would know that they were not much of a friend – and would cut them out of your life.
Furthermore, we would find it hard to listen to anybody treat one of our loved ones in this way. Whether we spoke up directly to the bully, or simply removed our family or friend from their company, we would have to take action. Even the most timid of us would not be long advising our children to ditch a ‘mate’ like that. To do nothing would not be an option.
So why is it that so many of us talk to ourselves like that all the time? Seriously, if any body else spoke to us the way we often speak to ourselves we wouldn’t be long telling them where to go. If a stranger followed you around all day (to work, to your home, to your bedroom; to the bathroom); if they poked their nose, uninvited, into every conversation with your partner or kids; were constantly in your face (and in your ears!); what would you NOT be prepared to do to get rid of them? Let’s face it. They would wind up either battered, arrested or committed.
And yet many of us, often for perfectly understandable reasons, run ourselves down all the time. We self-sabotage every good, positive thought or deed. Sometimes we are so programmed for this, that we don’t even try anymore – because we ‘know’ we are ‘useless’ anyway. And if we ‘know’ this, then so must everybody else. We often dress it up as ‘keeping our feet on the ground’ or ‘being realistic’ when, in reality, we are scaring and bullying ourselves out of action.
Let’s be blunt. If you do this… YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER BULLY – STOP IT! You wouldn’t (I hope) bully anybody else, so stop bullying yourself. If you bully yourself, you are giving permission to others to do the same. Stop it. Now.
How can you complain about society/the world conspiring against you, when YOU are your biggest critic. So do yourself, and the rest of us, a favour. Have a day off. Be nice to yourself for a change. You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Give yourself a pat on the back, take a chill pill and relax. You are OK. It’s not just you. Everybody is struggling in their own way, some people just hide it better.
When we learn to just be nice to ourselves, to accept ourselves, then we quickly find our impression of every little thing changes. The responsibility for that change lies with you, not the rest of the world. So you can choose to carry on beating yourself up every day. Or you can stop it. NOW. And begin to show yourself the respect you show to others, and you would like others to show to you. The choice, as ever is yours. Be happy – and Thank You for Listening!
After the success of last week’s Introduction night, I must say I am really looking forward to working with the lovely people who have signed up. The first class is on this Weds night (28th) at 8pm. Venue: Silverbridge GFC. Fees of £40 (£10 per week) are payable in full, in advance, thank you.
Please note. THIS COURSE IS NOW FULLY BOOKED. If I don’t have your details already then I am sorry, but you don’t have a place. If you would like to have your name put on the reserve list, in case of any cancellations – or would like to be contacted when the next course begins – please get in touch, and I will do my level best to accommodate you.
Liam is a Hypnotherapist and Life Coach, who used to be a Brickie! This background gives him a unique take on things. He states boldly "I WONT feel your pain... But I'll help you sort it out!"
Liam writes a regular Column for his local newspaper. You can catch those articles on his website www.chilo.org. Click on 'My Blog'