You know how in every comment section online there’s always that one guy who’s bitchy and moany about whatever the subject matter? Yeah, don't be that guy.

Often, there’s more than one. (Lookin’ at you, YouTube!) And of course, girls do it too, but they tend to be more passive-aggressive, whereas guys can be more up-front.

As far as I see there seems to be a strong connection between that type of behavior and low confidence/self-esteem.

This doesn’t mean that all of my readers are “moaners”, as it were. (Au contraire, I like to think that you’re smarter than that.) It’s simply a matter of how non-fident people tend to think, and how many people seem to use online comment fields as an outlet for all-round negativity.

You see, non-fidence and negative thinking go hand-in-hand. If you tend to have negative thoughts about yourself, you can’t very well have a positive outlook towards life in general, right?

And, conversely, if you tend to see flaws, ugliness and shortcomings everywhere, it would likely include yourself.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with questioning and critical thinking per se. But the line between critical and negative tends to be blurred, at best. And when you’re non-fident, it’s all too easy to let negativity take over.

I hereby implore of you…: Don’t be that guy.

Whether online or IRL, just don't moan and bitch. Those people bring about nothing constructive. Their attitudes and choice of words are poisonous towards a normal, healthy environment.

“But what if I’m being negative towards something that really deserves it, like racism, misogyny, corruption, global warming, or reality-TV??”

Look. Sensible people know perfectly well that those things are messed up. But what matters isn’t how we talk about them; it’s how we act towards them.

If you really wanna solve a problem, do something constructive to solve it. You solve nothing by simply pointing out negative aspects.

Don't be that guy who bitches and moans without bringing anything constructive to the table. Don't be that guy who does nothing but increase our collective amount of verbal sewage.

If you bitch and moan about things, chances are you’ll not only look less cool to those who oppose you, but you’ll likely become ingrained in the very habit of negative thinking. And that’s tough to unravel when you need momentum, lemme tell ya.

“So, am I not ALLOWED to speak my mind all of a sudden?!”

Yeah, notice how you’re still making negative assumptions rather than taking my words to heart.

Bottom line: Yes, there’s a downside to everything. But we gotta ask ourselves: Which side would serve me best to focus on? Which side is more beneficial and constructive? Which side would be ideal working towards?

I wage that 99,99% of the time, it’s the positive side.

ACTION ITEM:

Note three things which you usually perceive negatively. For each of those, write three paragraphs of 50-100 words apiece, each concerning one positive aspect of that thing.

This exercise challenges our usual habits of thinking, and makes us see things from a different, positive perspective. It’ll probably surprise you how tricky -- and beneficial -- it is.

Author's Bio: 

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period. Visit Get Confidence Coaching and get confidence and empowerment by mail!