What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word intimacy? Is it romance (women), sex (men), or just love and googley-eyes? Our intimacy reflects the depth of our relationship, our level of togetherness in heart, mind, body, and soul. I’m learning more and more with time that what I should think of when it comes to intimacy is communication. We must be able to communicate well in our relationship in order to experience the kind of deep intimacy God designed marriage for.
Guess what obstacle often gets in the way of having good communication in marriage – MONEY. If we are holding back our emotions as they relate to money then we are preventing an opportunity to share intimacy through that communication. If we are unwilling to listen and care about each others emotions related to money then we are preventing the opportunity to grow intimacy through that communication. What if that one missing link in communication is the only thing preventing a much deeper level of overall relational intimacy?
All this sounds great, but where should a married couple start in order to develop financial intimacy? The best place to start is talking about your plans, hopes, and dreams together. Don't shoot each others ideas down as impossible. You're just talking, dreaming, and you're doing it together. This opens you up to learn about what makes each other happy and gives you both ideas for how to help each other accomplish the hopes, plans, and dreams that are important to each of you.
The next thing to do is get intentional about planning the monthly income so that some of the hopes, plans, and dreams can be accomplished. Included in the monthly plan should be some funds designated toward at least one or two of the big goals you talked about. How do you prioritize which goals to fund first? Use the Money-Do List (http://markasbell.com/money-do-list/)
I know money isn’t the most important thing in marriage, but it IS one of the most common root causes for divorce. Maybe that wouldn’t be the case if couples were being more intentional about having better financial communication. Get it started with just one open, honest, and kind-loving conversation about financial goals. What if we thought of a budget like we do a bouqet of flowers or a scandalous lingerie? I’m betting that would improve financial intimacy.
Who in the world is Mark Asbell anyway? I am the husband of Shawna and father of Devin, Skyler, and Kylee. Helping others makes me happy. Helping others with relationships and personal finances gets me stoked. That’s mostly what I write about at http://markasbell.com, although I do have corporate experience and other interests that influence what I write from time to time.
Have any questions or feedback for me? I’d be glad to hear from you – contact me.