Yes, countries are starving, flooding, fighting and financially struggling and these are all major issues on a global level. But in the hearts and minds of millions of women (and men), finding love after 30 and finding love after 40 might just be one of the biggest personal dilemmas of our decade. We think we are so unique and yet, we all want to be healthy, we all want to be financially comfortable and we all want to be loved. It seems we’re not so different from one another after all. But, just to be sure, I’ve written 2 lists that highlight what women are looking for in our search to find love after 30 and find love after 40, because clearly we are looking for very different factors within this 10 year span. Yes, of course there is overlap between the two groups. After all, we are women…we vacillate.

Finding Love After 30

You might still want children
You might even have 1 or 2 young children
You might want someone who loves children
You’re absolutely fine if he has children (even better if they’re the same age as yours)
You want someone who has an honest job and a regular pay check
You want someone who is ambitious
You want someone who has a nice relationship with his parents
You want someone who isn’t living with his parents
You want someone who eventually wants to live with you
You want to share your space
Your body is still “pretty good”
You want a man who is in “pretty good” shape
You want him to be physically active
You still like going out “on the town”
You want someone who likes to go out between Thursday and Saturday, even midweek for dinner
You don’t mind if he as 1 ex wife
You’re okay if he has a few quirks
You have similar religious beliefs and if not, you’re open to any differences
You want someone who communicates for hours, even if it’s about his past.
You want your friends to meet him
You want to meet his friends
You want to be more than just his friend
You want someone who is loyal
You want someone who is single
You want someone who will love you like your daddy did (or didn’t) or does…
You want someone to take care of you like your daddy did (or didn’t) or does…
You want someone who wants you in his arms all night long
You want someone who wakes you in your sleep…
You still enjoy sex
You still believe in soul mates
You still believe in romance
You want to be his wife

Finding Love After 40

You don’t want children
You don’t want to co-parent someone else’s children
You don’t want him to co-parent yours either (you’ve managed for this long)
You want someone who has no baggage, no issues, no nagging ex’s & no dependents (not even on alternating weekends)
You want someone who is financially comfortable…okay, rich.
You want someone who has a 401K, a Pension and sound investments
You want someone who appreciates travel, fine dining and DVR
You want someone who could easily provide for his parents
You want someone who owns a home…maybe, multiple homes
You don’t want him to sell his homes
You want someone who understands you need to keep your space
You don’t discuss religious beliefs with him, except on the first date for clarification
You want someone who can listen (not necessarily talk and rarely disagrees)
You do not want him to tell you about his past.
You don’t need to meet his friends
You don’t need him to meet your friends
You’re just happy that his has friends
You want him to care enough about his health but not to obsess
You want him to love your shape
You’re fine with his body as long as it’s not a pear shape
Your idea of being physically active is a brisk walk after ordering in Chinese
You want him to look “older” then you but not too old
Your idea of going out on the town…is never too far or for too long and always casual
Your idea of a good time on a Saturday night is a new release video and a bag of kettle corn
You don’t need to be taken care of (and you’re not interested in being his care taker)
Your idea of a good partner in bed is someone who doesn’t snore, cuddles for 2 minutes & lets you sleep
You don’t really understand what is so great about Viagra
You don’t believe in soul mates
You don’t believe in Valentines
You don’t trust romantic gestures
You know when you are being swooned and tolerate it to get to the real stuff
You know what the real stuff is
You want someone who doesn’t remind you of any man you have ever met (fathers and ex’s included)
You want someone to love you like no one ever has…and in every type of light
You don’t need to get married
You want a good friend, for life.

Author's Bio: 

Shari Jonas graduated from McGill University with degrees in Psychology, Human Relations and Family Life Education. She's the author of "Father Effects: How Your Father Influenced Who You Are and Who You Love" and the newly released "Father Daughter Effects Online eWorkshop". Her personal journey with her own father daughter issues, combined with years of research on this most important relationship is an inspiration to all women who want to understand their father's influence and break negative relationship patterns. While quantities last, the book is available at Or simply, read the first chapter for Free.
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