Five pillars of happiness

My vision of happiness is not party style joy and excitement. Although that is fun it is not sustainable. Instead I see being comfortable and relaxed about myself, others, circumstances and progress.

Movies, sports, TV programs and other entertainments are also fun briefly but lose something when overdone. An interest in and effort toward improving myself and my day to day life is a steady source of pleasure for the rest of my life. An activity I control that keeps on giving.

Five specific things that support lasting happiness are:

Moderation. Not being extreme or excessive about anything. Food, drink, smoking, gambling, sex, drugs, travel, business, accumulating money and stuff, sports participation. Most things are OK within reason but don’t let them ruin you. Mental and physical health are at stake.

Balance. Having no part of life out of proportion to the rest. Work, home life, rest and relaxation, entertainment do not have to be given equal importance or time. They just need to be controlled enough not to eliminate or spoil the other segments. The goal is enjoying it all.

Stability. Staying calm. Able to make decisions and take action. This takes some learning and practice. It is about recognizing fear and becoming able to function in spite of it. Like other habits it becomes automatic. It will reduce both irrational fears and anxiety. It changes the way others see us.

Optimism. Staying positive and expecting to succeed. It does not cause success by itself but makes an environment where success is more likely. Failure is normal and teaches valuable lessons. Recognizing it as a step in the right direction gets us pulling the oars a little differently and moving.

Fitness. Staying mentally and physically functional regardless of what life brings. Paying attention to how diet, exercise and rest affect me personally. Experimenting to find the combination that best keeps me feeling strong, healthy and active. Feeling good makes happiness easier.

None of these pillars are painful or difficult to build. Our habits are the basis of all five. We form habits from earliest childhood but none are permanent. All are under our control. Changing habits to accomplish something specific is within reach for all of us. The usual reason we don’t is laziness. Thinking it is hard labor instead of interesting activity.

Many of my habits are little things I don’t usually notice. When I do or say something a certain way automatically, day in and day out without thinking about it I can lose sight of the fact that it is still a decision. My attitude is a habit. My reaction to your attitude is a habit. The way I speak, eat, walk, drive and a hundred other things.

If happiness is missing from much of my life the thing to look at is me. I have no control over others, the weather, the planets. There is no Utopia, Camelot or other perfect place on this earth. Getting along better with others, becoming more comfortable at work, at home, improving my body and mind are key and doable.

When I create changes based on self examination success and happiness can become habit. There is really no limit to improvement and the resulting good feelings. I can take a life that is just OK and make it better and better.

Looking forward to each day is better than marking off the days to the next event that I am counting on to give me a little joy. I can still enjoy the events but reach the point where successful parties, trips, vacations, etc. are not necessary to save me from the usual drudge. Like other minor diversions parties, trips and vacations are not always successful.