Four Steps to Moving Forward and Accepting Divorce

By Vanaja Ghose

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No one wants to admit that their marriage is falling apart. After all, you most likely put in a lot of hard work and the best years of your life making sure this did not happen. And then, poof, it's all gone. However, the best way to deal with an amicable divorce or breakup is to do it as logically as possible. The quicker you can move forward, the quicker the whole mess can be left in the past, where it belongs. To help you along the way, I have put together a four step program that will help you get through the beginning of a divorce and move to a better place in your life mentally, physically and spiritually.

1. Consider the financial situation

We know, this is the last thing you want to do, but this is the first step, especially for your future financial security. With all the emotional stress you are going through, it's important that you do not add financial burden as well. Collect bills, mortgage payments, bank statements, tax returns and other financial statements. If you are unfamiliar with the financial aspect of the relationship, it's time to familiarize yourself with it now. The more you know, the better it will be.

2. Consult a lawyer

A lawyer can help you through the division of property, division of assets, child care, custody and payments and other financial necessities that you would most likely rather avoid right now. They are there to help and to represent you fairly. So let them.

3. Take Care of your Body and Soul

More often than not, you are tossing and turning at night, going over the last years you spent with your husband, trying to determine when, why and what went wrong. Instead of sugar plum fairies, question like "is it my fault?" "could I have been a better wife?" and "what next?" are most likely dancing in your head. You need to try your damndest to move on: this may mean seeing a therapist or a coach, or staying busy during the day so that you are simply too exhausted to let energy-draining thoughts enter your head. Try to concentrate on those aspects of your life that make you feel good - your children, your friends, your hobbies.

4. Lean on Friends

Friends, family, mentors - they are all there to help. So let them. Many people find solace and comfort in those who are going through (or have gone through) the divorce proceedings already. You may be surprised how much support and love you have around, if you just let people help you. Let them take the kids for an evening so you can relax and read a book. Invite your girlfriends over for a bottle (or six) of wine to cry, laugh and bitch.

The trials of divorce can leave you physically, emotionally and mentally drained. However, with these four steps, you will be one step ahead of the upcoming rat race and ready to tackle your divorce with tact, grace and acceptance.