The divide between boy-thinking and mature male thinking is deep but narrow. Learn how destructive behavior can be turned to the power to build a career, a romance, and a life...
Many of you have discovered the unprecedented value in the entirely FREE, Do It Yourself Dating and Attraction Bootcamp Program.
You may also have discovered that PART II reveals immediately useful systems to be more effective with women, VIA YOUR IPOD. It’s literally your personal dating and attraction coach by audio player! AND…
It comes with a FREE MONTH of membership in the Men’s Psychology On Demand, where you can get 24/7 LIVE coaching at attraction, personal growth, and career advice.
I’ve been told that it’s so packed with information, and over 100 tracks in PART I alone, that guys are finding so practical, so effective, and so powerful that they are inviting their friends, and friends of friends to join their learning teams – often listening three times in a row to make the lessons of the IPOD Dating Coach solid. We are after all, Men’s Psychology, and so it might not become immediately apparent that we are for every psychological aspect of a man’s life.
That means that career matters just as much as women (or slightly less to some… hint: it ought to matter just slightly MORE.)
It also means that general personal growth matters, your friendships, development, lifestyle and “mission” for your life too. At the core, is masculinity. For these latter aspects of your life such as career, I created the Mature Masculine Power Program for you.
One of the questions on the teleseminar tonight that you are entitled to weekly as an On Demand Member, was about how to ditch one’s lame job, and when to do so, overcome the fear in doing so, and be effective at a smooth transition. It was awesome. And it actually got me thinking about a recent add-on module that we made for you about all these “circuits” or “working parts” of masculinity in the male psyche: The Superhero Masculinity Program.
I was thinking of course about all the terrible news stories recently on violence – murders, attempted assassinations, more teen violence… The way violence tends to mainly be BY males, increase in a bad economy with no jobs, it always seem to be accompanied by the male either having lost a relationship, or having no prospects for new ones.
In the eighties, there was a phrase called “going postal,” which related to men who “lost it” and got violent in the US Postal system where they worked. The stressful environment, often a recent firing, and a recent breakup seemed the perfect conditions to send seemingly “mild mannered” men “over the edge.”
Which of course got me thinking scientifically WHY? It’s not good enough to just be outraged.
There need to be solutions. And solutions only come from understanding the situation then doing something to fix it from the inside out, not just put up a wall of protection.
Last night comedian Jon Stewart gave one of the most eloquent speeches I’ve ever heard on violence and prevention. In it, he said, “There is no way to stop ‘crazy,’ but it’s very easy for those who address the public to stop speaking crazy so that we are indistinguishable from ‘crazy.’” Meaning that maturity in communication matters, even if random tragedies do happen.
In the Mature Masculine Power Program, I give you the Equation of Masculinity, which is that feeling most alive and vital as a man (having the most masculinity you can) = Having Love (empowered by skill with women) + Progress on Your Mission (which is often your career.)
So if elevated masculinity feels like vitality, and “feeling alive,” then a diminishment to near zero (by loss of job opportunity and loss of love or failure to form relationships) would feel like “feeling less alive” or “deadened.” In other words less passion for life. At worst, feeling unconsciously threatened – however illogical - in one’s life.
Masculinity and the Unconscious
Many of the ideas in the area of Evolutionary Psychology talk about instincts and male-female differences, which makes it very useful in our models and systems. One of those pegs men as having evolved a “killer instinct” that was long ago necessary to keep the species alive. Men had to hunt for food, and fight wars against neighboring tribes that sacked the village.
So we are talking about unconscious instinct so far. Think of an animal sensing that it’s trapped (even if it isn’t really) but therefore feeling threatened. What does it do? It attacks.
And both men and women have animal instincts in them. Man or woman, there are times in life where they feel threatened, not physically, but in a more existential sense – that “their life matters” or that they feel vital, alive, progressing, growing…
…and the absence of hope for that – for love and career growth – feel like “dying a little.”
Sometimes they snap – women too (remember the female astronaut kidnapping her competitor for a man’s attention?) - I suspect for that instinctual reason: feeling threatened that they “don’t exist.” Yet we are more than lower animals. While humans may feel a lack of love and work opportunity, we also have a sense of right and wrong, or respect, and honor and boundaries.
If you look at the above reason for the instinct in males, it saved the species, so it’s not the presence of masculine instinct that’s bad.
It’s the absence of BOUNDARIES. And the absence of boundaries is immaturity. Boyish and girlish behavior unchecked, unsteered, or unguided leads to bad endings.
Everything about boundaries is in the MindOS Mastery Program.
Maturity in Masculinity
Now think of a second concept. Wind-power and vacuum-power.
Have you ever stopped to think of how, at one point in history, gigantic ships weighing many tons travelled the globe on only the power of wind – air – in their sails?
Have you ever stopped to think about the temperatures in “deep space” – that a vacuum there is so powerful, it can disperse gases with incredible force, and in a temperature so cold and devoid of air that it is called “Absolute Zero?”
Both the presence of something AND its absence can be an incredible force.
The same is true of masculinity.
Be a Superhero
When something like a job loss cuts you down and rattles you, when you go through the pains of a breakup, or an unfortunate downturn in your health, your friendships, or your place in the world, you don’t HAVE to respond with negativity, pessimism, or the psychological or physical violence of a boy.
You can identify it as a powerful opportunity, a force of change that a real man, a mature man recognizes as quickly as the instinct strikes.
And those are some of the mechanics in the lessons of the Mature Masculine Power Program when paired with Superhero Masculinity, which is why we have arranged them to be bundled together.
I had a friend recently lose a job he’s had for years. The downsized economy, the bills, the stress…and what did he do?
He said, “Aha! It’s time to move to New York and a whole new opportunity in life!”
That’s harnessing the power of masculinity in its mature version.
In fact, it’s using the Odyseus Power Circuit of masculinity – one of dozens I talk about in the inner workings of the masculine psyche of the MMP Program.
It’s the part of the male psyche that drives us to explore, to adventure, and to look for answers in creative, exploratory ways.
It struck me in thinking about the roots of violent behavior that a man who is feeling high on life may certainly feel like travelling the world on adventures, but SO CAN the man who is dealt a heavy blow by life – and in so doing, discover that the adventure is both powered by the knock-down of masculinity (like a vacuum does), and heals the wound at the same time.
After all, women have done something similar in their acclaim for the popular book and Julia Roberts film, Eat Pray Love: A jilted woman travels the world and finds meaning and healing – what I call the Io Empowerment Circuit for women.
Guess what makes the difference between wallowing in pain and shame of a cut on your masculinity, versus going on a healing adventure?
Mature Boundaries that I talk about in the MindOS Mastery Program. (Which is sort of like deciding to do right with the power of a masculinity-vacuum instead of letting it suck you into deep space and doing wrong.)
Back to the “going postal” stories from decades ago, and so many other tragic, violent stories of formerly “mild-mannered men” – that phrase reminded me of the Clark Kent version of Superman. He is always described as “mild mannered.”
But when bad things happen around him, he doesn’t “lose it” and go violent. He turns into Superman and saves the day. He uses the bad events to power his attempt at doing right by everyone, and himself.
The difference between a violent boy and the Man of Steel is the boundary maturity to harness the immense power of masculinity for good and only good.
The MMP is a perfect companion (which adds to all these “circuits” of masculinity in Superheroes, taking off from the Greek Myths of the MMP) – to the Superhero Masculinity Program. And the ultimate in understanding boundaries and general mature character is in MindOS Mastery.
Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.
Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to http://www.menspsychology.com/ to learn more.