Grieving: Why Do Some People Try To Stop Others From Grieving?

While there are plenty of things that separate human beings, they are also plenty of things that bring them together. For instance, no matter what someone’s gender is or where they are from on this planet, they are still part of the human race.

There are of course many other ways in which they can be differentiated, but this doesn’t alter the fact that they are still human. However, although this is something that is clear to see if one was to step back from all the ways in which they can separate themselves from others; it can be easy to get caught up in what makes other people different.

The Mind and the Heart

It is often said that the mind sees everything as being separate, whereas, the heart doesn’t operate in the same way. Therefore, if one’s point of focus is their mind, it is not going to be possible for them to experience life differently.

Yet, if one was to bring their awareness into their heart, they would see that there is another way to experience life. This doesn’t mean the mind will be able to realise that the sense of separation that is experiences doesn’t match up with the true nature of reality.

Resistance

There is likely to be resistance, and this is why it is important for one to be aware of how the mind works. Through this, it will allow them to use their mind on one hand, but not to be defined by it on the other hand.

This is similar to how there are certain tools for certain jobs, and how one wouldn’t use a hammer to cut a piece of wood. When one is aware of what they need, they can use the right tool for the job.

Conscious

If they didn’t have this awareness, they could end up using the wrong tool, and this could cause them to get stuck. And when one is not stuck in their mind and they are able to detach from it, it will give them the chance to experience life from their heart.

There are going to be people who find that this is how they experience life, and then there are going to be others who don’t. It could be said that it is normal for someone to live in their head in today’s world.

Pain

If one was to get into their body and to connect with their heart, it could be painful. In this case, it can be a sign that they need to work through the pain that is within them.

In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to have an emotional build-up, and this is because emotions are generally overlooked. Instead of them being seeing as something one needs to acknowledge, they are often seen as something that one needs to avoid.

Processing

One way would be for one to work through the ‘negative’ emotions that they experience, and this would allow them to be a whole human being. When this doesn’t happen and they disconnect from how they feel, it is going to be challenge for them to operate as a whole human being.

There are many reasons why one would experience emotional pain, and one reason is because they have experienced loss. As a result of this, they are likely to end up experiencing grief.

Grief

How much of an impact the loss has on them is not only going to depend on what they have lost, it is also going to be depend on the kind of connection they had with what they have lost. For instance, if a family member was to pass on, one could end up experiencing a lot of grief.

However, if they were not close to the family member, this might not be the case. Losing a pet could be something that causes one person to be overwhelmed with grief, and yet it might not have the same effect on someone else.

Individual Experience

What this shows is that there is not one way to respond; each and every one of us is unique, and it is important for on to realise this. Through having this understanding, it can stop them from thinking that they are responding in the wrong way.

After experiencing loss, it might take years until one is back on track, and then for someone else, it might not take as long. This is also not a linear process, and this means there will be up’s and downs.

Support

When one is grieving, it will be important for them to have the right support round them; this is not something that one can do by themselves. Being around people who will allow one to go with how they feel will be vital, and their presence will also play an important part in one finding meaning once more.

During this time, the grief will need to be mourned, and this is something that can take place through crying out the pain. This shows that it will be a time of surrender as opposed to a time where one will use force.

The Opposite

However, although one will need to be around people who allow them to embrace their grief, they can end up coming across people who tell them to ‘move on’ or to ‘get over it’, among other things. As a result of this, one can feel ashamed of how they feel, and they can then end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them.

Their grief will then up staying trapped in their chest, and they can end up creating a false-self in the process. In the short-term, one might feel better, but as time passes, they can end up feeling numb, and they could also experience other symptoms.

Why Is This?

When someone does this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have ‘bad’ intentions; what it can mean is that they are trying to avoid their own grief. Through seeing someone who is experiencing grief, it might remind them of what they have disconnected from, and they might not even be aware of this.

It is then going to be important for them to do everything they can to change someone who is grieving; if they don’t, they might soon come face-to-face with how they really feel on the inside. What this shows is that they want one to create a false-self so that they don’t have to face their true-self.

Awareness

Grief is not something that one can ‘get over’; it is something that they have to work through. If one spends their time around someone who doesn’t understand this, and who encourages them to ignore what is taking place within them, it can stop them from being able to heal themselves.

In this case, it might be best for one to limit the amount of time they spend with them. One can also be supported during this time by a therapist and/or some kind of support group.