Honesty is being sincere, truthful, trustworthy, honorable, fair genuine and loyal, along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. The truth shall set you free. This statement is so true. Honesty has many valuable attributes. On a personal note honesty has taught me to be honest with my feelings, as well as how to deal with my feelings in the moment. Consequently, honesty taught me to be aware of the consequences to my actions. In addition, being honest has prevented me from bottling up my emotions and ultimately exploding on innocent people. However, truthfulness also taught me not to trust everyone in my life. People can use your honesty against you in order to manipulate, hurt you and use you for there benefit. In this article I would like to discuss some of the reasons we can’t trust everyone and perhaps we can learn some tips at how to prevent and understand dishonesty in another light. I studied anti social personality disorder in university and I do have some regrets studying this, since now I tend to look at politicians and other leaders in a more cynical way. The truth is a very valuable asset to have; however, we also need to be cautious as to who we are trusting and talking to.
Anti Social Personality Disorder
One of the reasons some people can’t be trusted is they have a personality disorder the main one’s to watch our for are antisocial personality disorder along with schizoid, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders. They are all classified as having a very little empathy for others or actually lack a conscious. I would like to talk about Anti Social Personality Disorder in this blog.
In my clinical experience these clients with anti social personality disorder, are masking symptoms of intense pain since in most cases they are unable to foster any real meaningful relationships with people. This is really minimizing how traumatizing it can be to come into contact with one of these people with this personality disorder. Their personal history is always littered with a trail of people who have been manipulated and betrayed. In a surprising sense, these people frequently see their own problems as arising from flaws in other people as opposed to their own inadequacies. These people are highly superficial and lack the ability to have intimacy with another human being. They can put on a show, however when someone truly gets to know them they realize that they cannot produce what they trying to portray to someone. It’s just pure manipulating. They are trying to get something from you and are only leading you on until they get it. When you counsel people like this you catch glimmers of a world in which the feelings of other people are of little worth to the person. Underneath, the manipulation there is intense pain since these people are unable to be close to their own family or friends.
They even lack empathy towards their own close family members, how could they with the absence of a conscious. Unfortunately, they can come across as very charming; it’s their relationship with their close family members that tell the truth as to who they really are. There close family members usually want nothing to do with them. One more thing to remember a person can have two disorders at once. For example, a person can be an addict and still have this personality disorder.
Honesty has a place in the world however; being beware of these people with this disorder, is important. Think about the white collar crime in the world or the 50% divorce rate. This personality disorder definitely plays a roll in these statistics and all the corporate scandals. Relationships with people should be built up over time in order to build trust and give us time to see the truth about the person. These people with this disorder can be in white collar jobs since corporations intentionally seek them out as managers or executives. They will do anything to get ahead and have no conscious about what they do to others or who gets hurt in the process. They are the perfect people for these corporations. Corporations are looking for yes men and have little time for ethics. This disorder is in sharp contrast to being honest. Honesty absolutely has many great attributes.
Perhaps one question I could answer is why this personality disorder would be so prevalent in our society and why it is so wide spread. The answer is lies in our understanding of capitalism and what it is all about. The rich get rich, they have power and control over others. They get this power and prestige off the back of other people’s hard labor. People that have no morals and have little regard for people in general, end up moving into positions of authority in our society. Most honest people don’t stand a chance when they are dealing with people with this personality disorder. However as a counselor and a person who is in recovery there is a deeper level to look. For example even if addiction is hereditary we can still learn coping mechanisms in order to deal with our defects of character. The same goes for anti social personality disorder we can learn to cope with this disorder if we are open to learning. In both of these examples if the person can allow themselves to be held accountable for their actions chances are they will not go to the extreme and devastate other people. There is hope for everyone. There are some exceptional Politian’s and other leaders that are genuinely honest and truly are looking out for our best interest. Knowing who they are can be hard to identify, this is the real problem. Remember, the reason some people don’t get the help they need is they can’t cope with deep seated pain. Consequently, if they go untreated the pain makes them act like wounded animals. Since they can’t make it with other people they have to have prestige, power, and wealth to compensate for their shortfalls with their loved ones.
In conclusion, the only way to truly see things for what they are is to constantly evaluate and reevaluate ourselves in order to see people for who they are and what they are. What are people’s actions telling us, who do these people hang around with, what type of decisions do they make. These are just a few suggestions. However, don’t give up on being an honest person. I truly believe that having morals and standards to live by will be an asset in your life. If we look at ourselves we become stronger and more resilient in time. We keep empowering ourselves and eventually we are standing up to people who need to be stood up to. There are wolves that wear sheep skins out there, beware my friends.
Don’t be afraid to be your self. The truth shall set you free.
"I am a therapist who has a deep understanding of problems in relationships, addiction, depression, anxiety etc.. This understanding comes as a result of my academic background as well as from having been in active therapy myself. I know all too well what it's like to have challenges in life, and to try and struggle through problems. I personally have experienced difficult times in life, just like everyone else. I tried extremely hard to turn my life around on my own and eventually found that this was an impossible task. I kept trying to resolve my own problems but now understand that I had never been taught effective coping strategies and therefore lacked the appropriate skills necessary in order to turn my life around. I was only after I sought professional help myself back in 1985 that I was able to effectively change my life. Consequently, I found out that drugs and alcohol were only a mask which covered up the real issues that I needed to address. The road to change is not a quick and simple path, but as a result of my perseverance, willingness, the professional counselling I received, along with my experiences in group therapy, my life has been dramatically transformed and I am now able to fully appreciate what a blessing each day is."