If you are searching for a love relationship, but keep getting disappointed… if you are attracting the same man in a different body over and over again… or if you feel that you give a lot and get little in return, then there is one question I want you to ask yourself, the answer to which will transform your entire life experience: Do You Love Yourself?
Yes, it’s obvious. Yes, you’ve heard it before. And yes, it’s very easy to say: Of course, I love myself! Yet, in 90% of cases, the ultimate reason why you haven’t been able to attract love into your life is your lack of love towards yourself.
Why? There are books written about why and how we lose self love. Most of the reasons trace back to our childhood. When we were scolded for wrong doing (on a regular basis), or told we weren’t “good enough” by our well-meaning parents, we took it literally and personally, and the “not good enough” part imprinted in our subconscious mind, forever depriving us of the ability to love ourselves. Religion added to it telling us we are all sinners, so it’s in our nature to do things that are “wrong.”
It’s really not that important to try to understand why we lost self love, but what is important is to notice how the lack of love for ourselves causes us to literally push love away on all levels and attract people who can’t or won’t love us.
How Does It Work? The tricky part is that you may not be aware that you hate or are ashamed of some aspect of yourself. On the surface you may think, I am fine. Your brain tells you that because logically you know there is nothing wrong with you. Yet, when you meet a guy you like, your first impulse is: He is way out of my league. I better run before I get hurt.
Another way this issue shows up is when you are in a relationship with someone, you subconsciously expect it to end badly. Deep inside you know he will soon lose interest, or find someone else. How do you know that? Because you rely on the assumption that you are “not good enough.”
So, What Happens Then? Then you act in ways that convey to him that you are trying to save the relationship.
- You are afraid to lose him
- You cling to him
- You become suspicious
- You sacrifice yourself to do stuff for him that he doesn’t value
- You sacrifice your values and beliefs in an attempt to make him like you
He feels trapped and feels the need to get out.
Or, another scenario: You become cold and push him away in an attempt to be the one leaving and avoid getting hurt.
The Shift. In order to attract love into your life you have to first cultivate love within yourself. You have to radiate love. You have to start with the most important person in your life – YOU.
The problem is, we expect ourselves to be perfect (according to some standards). When we don’t meet those standards, each flaw gets magnified in our eyes out of proportion. The trick is to love ourselves exactly the way we are, including the flaws.
Can you accept that you are overweight, and love yourself still? Aren’t there overweight people that are lovable? Can you forgive yourself for being “stupid and lazy” and not being able to achieve the desired level in your career, and love yourself still?
Above all. Can you step out of your self-accusing bubble and see that all the things that you hate about yourself (including the ones that you don’t clearly understand) are actually not that bad. They are what makes you human. If you can accept them in others – you can accept them in yourself.
Once you learn to accept and love yourself exactly the way you are, you will step into your power. You will radiate inner strength, love and beauty (the kind of beauty that is not measured by weight-to-height ratio or the perfection of your facial features.)
Your entire life experience will transform, and you will draw to yourself people and relationships that are entirely different from what you had before. No longer will you need someone else to “complete” you. Being at peace with who you are will eliminate co-dependence from your life, and you will be able to attract a partner who will value you as much as you value yourself.
Lubov Skurina is a transformative relationship coach; founder of My Time to Be Loved, creator of Soulmate Attraction System™.
She specializes in helping single women around the globe attract their ideal life partner by transforming their core beliefs and reclaiming their authentic ability to give and receive love.
For a complete step-by-step guide to attracting your ideal life partner download free e-book “4 Steps to Soulmate Attraction” at www.MyTimeToBeLoved.com