How Old Are You, Really? Learning To Re-parent Yourself

Sometimes (not often, I must admit), I’m speechless. I really don’t mind losing my voice to the indescribable beauty of a sunset. Or when, surprised by a visit from one of my children, my grin speaks louder than words. I DO mind, however, when I am in a situation that requires me to speak, as an adult, from the Truth of what I am feeling and experiencing, and I respond as if I were 7 years old, frozen in place, or I say something incredibly stupid, followed by incessant babbling, and ultimately shame.

The worst part is I did not invite the 7 year old to handle the situation for me. It just arrived, unannounced and uninvited and took over my life for those awkward moments. And then, because I don’t know what else to do, I blame myself for the whole thing.

This is no way to live. The cycle of reacting and blaming is futile and exhausting. Familiar or not, it is an insane way to live. (Remember Einstein’s adage that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results!) If you want a life that makes sense, that nourishes you and excites you, then learning how to love these moments, grow from them and deepen your relationship with YOU is essential.

There is a perfectly good reason they happen. At the core of each reaction is a being who is stuck in a fear that originated at age 4, or 7 or 12 or 17. Each doubt, confusion, judgment and despair is being voiced by a part of us that truly does NOT know what to do. So, we get angry at, blame or compare ourselves, and with stealth bomber precision we systematically dismiss the voice that is really saying, “I’m afraid. Please help me.”

Perhaps we might try loving the part that is so afraid.

Here are some signs THE YOUNGER YOU is trying to handle things:

EMOTIONAL:
Defensiveness, mood swings, overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness, sadness and confusion, emotional paralysis, rage, perfectionism, self-criticism

LANGUAGE:
If only, But, Should, Try, Blaming someone else, unclear communication

BODY CUES:
Reacting to non-life threatening events with a racing heartbeat, knot in your stomach, shallow breath; too much or too little sleep;

BEHAVIORAL:
Addictive or risky behavior, procrastination, relationship difficulties

Here are some concepts THE ADULT YOU understands and can practice:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Your feelings are valid and should be expressed.

EVERY EVENT IS AN OPPORTUNITY to strengthen your ability to handle things.

ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY for your circumstances and thoughts.

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to make mistakes and try another way.

Move yourself into a chaotic world with a SET OF VALUES AND PRINCIPLES that
override momentary emotional upheaval.

Take big projects and CREATE MANAGEABLE GOALS.

Remember that the SOURCE ENERGY that created you has your back and will comfort you when you ask.

We all need guidance. The most aware among us will recognize this and actively seek a trusted advisor, coach or mentor. If you were denied the opportunity to have such a person in your critical early years, it becomes even more important now. You have all the qualities and characteristics that are required for success. Enthusiasm, creativity, dedication, courage, intelligence and passion. Chances are you are incredibly resourceful and intuitive as well. Yet, you may also have difficulty finishing things, enduring disappointment, challenging yourself to greater heights and accepting full responsibility for your circumstances. Do you focus too much on what others think, are overly hard on yourself, have questionable boundaries and or feel like your life is supposed to be better, but isn’t? Do you know how to have fun?

This is your life. You were never meant to struggle throughout a lifetime. You were created from JOY and ABUNDANCE, not hardship and struggle.

If you are recreating the same circumstances over and over, why are you not seeking the guidance that could free you? It is a valid question, and the answer will be some form of fear. What are you waiting for? Do you know that within you, always, is the key to the life you are wanting? Do you know how to find and use it?

As human beings, we are thrown into a world that is unpredictable and complex. If we are fortunate, we learn to endure the inevitable losses and disappointments with grace. This takes guidance and great love from those who understand. We are taught how to do this, from a trusted source. It is never too late to learn and the result is true emotional freedom and creativity.

There is a scene from the movie “Lincoln” in which the President enters a darkened room where his 10 year-old son lies asleep in front of the fireplace. Lincoln kneels, then lays down at his side, quietly covering him with his arm. The child in me rose to the surface at this, feeling the loss of not having had that feeling of safety and love from a trusted source. That momentary yearning was profound, and my response, every day, has been to create as many moments of safety and love as I can for myself. I recognize the pain, and I take a loving action.

As you practice becoming a spiritually and emotionally aware adult, continue to learn how to listen to the voices in your head – the fear of a child not knowing what to do, and the love of the unconditional power of creation. They both are necessary and valuable. Your listening will open your heart and encourage you into the secure, vibrant and loving person that you were meant to be.