The recipe for success is completely an inside job.
Here is the simplest plan for creating a new habit and completely transforming yourself:
1. Have a new thought
2. Repeat that thought
3. Create an action consistent with that new thought
4. Repeat that action
5. Repeat the thought and the action until it becomes a habit
6. That new habit of thought and habit of action will become a belief for you
The new belief will be a new foundation in your life upon which all new thoughts and actions will be based...and that is transformation.
Congratulations! It really is that simple! Your complete transformation is just one thought away.
By doing this you really can transform your life. Once you are successful doing this with one thought, you will want to do it again and again. Why? Because it feels good! You really can have anything you want. You really can change anything you want. You really can become anything you want. You simply need to accept the idea that it is an inside job to do it, and commit to doing it. Here is how it is done:
This is actually just as simple as it sounds, and is actually quite easy to accomplish. Let me use an example to illustrate this. Perhaps your primary romantic relationship that has become a bit predictable and stale. Let’s be more specific and say you don’t find your wife of twelve years as sexy and loving as you did when the relationship was new. Let’s say that you have found a few of her habits to now be annoying. There are frustrations you have with each other, and you don’t believe that she is as “into” you as she once was.
Pick a new though. How about, “My wife and I are even more madly in love with each other than we ever were, and she is absolutely my dream girl in every way!” Okay, that sounds like a lot, right? It’s not. This is actually quite easy to believe and re-create. It simply requires focus.
For some, it might simply be the thought itself that brings it all back. For some it might require writing it down, and focusing on your written affirmation a few times to bring it all back. Most likely it will require a continuous commitment for whatever period of time necessary for the belief to be created around your new thought and action.
Here’s the plan that works for me. Write down the affirmation and refine it until you are really happy you have it exactly right. I like the ideas of, “she is the girl of my dreams.” First, find a way to keep repeating that thought over and over. Put the affirmation where you will see it...on the bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of your car, on your desk at work, in your wallet so you see it every time you open it...basically put it everywhere.
Now create some actions around the thought. How would you behave around the girl of your dreams? Bring her flowers. Buy her a gift. Write her a poem. Call her unexpectedly to tell her how much you care. Plan a wonderful date or a romantic vacation. Think about her needs and desires. See her. Listen to her. Be fascinated with her. Re-create many of the actions you took in the earliest part of your relationship, the “falling in love” phase.
These thoughts and actions are all based on acting as if the affirmation is already true. Don’t ask her to do anything different. Don’t make any of your actions dependent upon her changing. This transformation is all about you. You are creating a new belief for yourself.
I find that to accomplish something truly big in my life, like re-creating the girl-of-my-dreams relationship, I need to use the three-minute drill. Set a timer to ring every three minutes as a reminder to repeat your affirmation. Use all the visual reminders, and the actions, and the three-minute drill. Do it continuously until it works. It is guaranteed to work. Whatever thought you are totally obsessed with will become your reality in time. Give it whatever time it takes. I personally find that doing it right with the three-minute drill and the total obsession, it only takes two to three days.
Is that worth it? Two to three days to create a total transformation in your life. You bet! In this example, make this investment in your thoughts, your actions, and your focus and you will find yourself married to “the girl of your dreams.” You can do this in any other area of your life as well, just as easily, and just as effectively.
Can it really be that simple? Yes, it is! But you have to do ALL of it.
You may be wondering about the role the other plays in the transformation. I have stressed that this is not a process where you need the other person to do anything, to change anything, to behave in any way differently than they currently are. That the transformation process in a relationship is purely an inside job for the one that chooses it. So you probably wonder how the relationship will change without the participation of the other person.
Like most of my teachings, this is based on appreciation and acceptance, and of course, the Law of Attraction. So through this process you have transformed yourself into someone that can only see your romantic partner as the “girl of your dreams.” You have paid greatest attention to the most important step, step five of the process: repeating the thought and the action continuously. Whenever you have let doubt in the process creep in, you immediately take further action to extinguish that doubt. You have created a new belief in yourself that this dream girl deserves your attention, focus, listening, gifts, flowers, wonderful date nights, and romantic vacations.
Here’s the coolest part. Now that you only see the positive, see the dreamy part of the girl that matches up perfectly with your desire, she now naturally brings that part of her to you. This part of her has been there all along, you likely just couldn’t see it prior to YOUR internal process and shift of attention. Your focus is now on the ideal parts of your relationship, and she perfectly matches your focus, bringing you the dream girl.
As a further example, think of how often a grandparent will see perfection in a grandchild when the parent’s focus is on other points of behavior. The child is the same, but what comes through is different with each relationship. Grandchildren really are all pure angels!
The most important part of this recipe is that you focus solely on the transformation to the new thought and action that you want, and then the circumstances around you will change to match that new thought, once you have fully worked the process.
I have used this technique to transform how I think about money, about health, about fitness, about my physical body, about my career, about my romantic relationship, and about my kids. Always, the process has been the same. And always, the circumstances in my environment have transformed to match my new thoughts perfectly once I have completed the internal transformation! I repeat, always, my circumstances have transformed to match my new thoughts perfectly once I have completed the internal transformation!
Dr. Rick Schaefer has 19 years experience in traditional medicine working with patients with pain, 12 years in consulting, and 9 years studying and teaching the Law of Attraction. He is past president of the Anesthesia Society, and has appeared in the Wall Street Journal and on National Public Radio. He is the author of Extreme Though Makeover: 37 Days to Maximum Life! and now devotes all of his time to help people expand their thinking and thus find increased joy and happiness in their lives. "Words alone do not teach: it is only through life experience that one truly learns."