How To Deal With Stubbornness In A Marriage: How To Deal With A Stubborn Person In A Relationship

Now, as you are most likely aware, a marriage is a coming together of two equal partners, both have an equal say in what happens in the marriage, and both have an equal responsibility to make the marriage work. A marriage is a partnership where you have to leave behind you those heady days when you could do what you wanted, now you have to include your spouse and do what is best for your marriage. It's a great theory, and those that can put it into practice enjoy a happy, healthy marriage. Unfortunately life has a way of doing its own thing, and some spouses are left wondering how best to deal stubbornness in a marriage.

I guess that we all know someone who is cursed with a wee bit too much stubbornness. Their way is best and they will fiercely resist any attempts to change their mind, and they really don't like being wrong. One of the problems is that they seem to invest so much of themselves into their beliefs, that to dispute them is almost like saying that they are worthless.

Have you looked at why they are being stubborn, have you talked to them about it? Is there something about your relationship that sets them of, or is it something that you do? If you can identify the root cause then you might be able to deal with it, getting rid of the stubbornness in your marriage should also lower stress levels.

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If you have a stubborn spouse the whatever you do, don't try to do anything that looks as if you're trying to control them. So no, do this, or this is how we'll do it, you need to work as a team in order to get results. If you try to push them in one direction then they are more likely to dig their heels in and start pushing back, because it will look as if their opinions are of no account. There will be those who complain to their spouse about their stubborn behaviour, which I can see why they do it, the only problem is that once you start nagging then you become the problem.

When you have an issue to deal with the listen to what your partner has to say. Do them the courtesy of letting them say their piece without interruption, even if they are being critical of you. This shows that you are taking them seriously and that you care about what they think. If they are being critical of you then don't automatically go on the defensive, they could have good reason for saying what they do. If there is something that you don't understand then ask questions until you do.

In order to deal with stubbornness in a marriage you need to work together to find a solution that you are both happy with, one that is best for the marriage and not the individual. So don't have any fixed, pre-conceived ideas about the result that you want, be flexible, look at both sides to the argument and find the middle course.

If your partner is being stubborn then let them be and do not fight stubbornness with stubbornness. You need to be the voice of reason and not intransigence. You have to guide your spouse through all of the options and not just their own. The important thing is that you make sure that you spouse knows that you accepts and values their opinions and ideas, which should always be the case, but if they know that you are not dismissing their opinions, then they should be more open to change.

How to deal with stubbornness in a marriage? I appreciate that this is easier said than done, but the answer is patiently and with a lot of communication. So long as you do not push your partner into a corner, and so long as they know that you are taking their ideas and opinions seriously, then you should be able to find a middle course.

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In my years of counseling married couples on how to save their marriages, I have come across many questions. These questions are usually very similar in one form or other. Here I have compiled five questions with answers to help you save your marriage.

1. Should a married couple live happily without (or at least with only minimal) arguments or quarrels?

It is not possible even if they wanted or tried very hard to. One common trait in successful married couples is not the absence of conflicts but knowing how to conduct themselves during conflicts. The way NOT to do it is to attack the personhood of your partner during arguments or quarrels. Accusations, rudeness, vulgarity, name calling and personal attacks are the wrong means to have a fight between partners. Words such as, "You are such a bum, why did I marry you in the first place?" are intensely damaging to the marriage relationship. Here's the correct way that I recommend.

The correct way to argue is to restrict the words to the facts (rather than your opinion) and issues about the conflict. Speak about what actually happened, who did what, what was said by whom and when, how you felt when it happened and how your partner's words or actions affected you. Words such as, "I felt embarrassed when you joked about me in front of your friends!" are much more acceptable because they do not attack the self-worth of your partner while at the same time they do bring up the issues of conflict. This is an indispensable skill of conflict resolution; knowing how to argue properly without jeopardizing the marriage relationship.

2. My partner is getting bored with me and wants to leave me. What can I do to restore our relationship?

The one thing you must NOT do is try to hold on to him by appearing to be in a pitiful situation hoping to win some sympathy from him. Begging, pleading, groveling or crying uncontrollably for him not to leave you is often counter-productive. Such tactics often drive him further and faster away. It is important that you maintain your dignity and self-respect at all times. Besides this, what else should you do?

By all means do what you can to restore the excitement and passion. Romantic actions, pleasant surprises, unexpected favors are all ways to spice up a dour relationship. Do these but without getting desperate in holding on to your spouse. Allow him room to search his own soul and realize what he is losing by leaving you. This should inevitably bring him back to you.

3. My husband spends all his time either at work or with his own circle of friends. He is hardly home and when he is home, he is too tired, prefers to watch TV and does not want to have any meaningful conversation with me or the children. I feel very lonely and depressed. What can I do to save my marriage?

Here is what you must NOT do. Do not nag, scold, blame, complain or accuse your husband. It is critical to find an appropriate occasion to speak sensibly to him. An appropriate occasion entails the proper:

Time - choose a time when he is most receptive. It may be after dinner, early in the morning or on weekends. Do not speak to him within the first hour after he comes home from work. A man's brain needs time to adjust back to the home surroundings after a full work day. Also avoid times when he is under stress or has had a bad experience at work.

Environment - if at all possible, find a situation where the both of you are not distracted by the children, TV, telephone, schedules or deadlines. Ideally you should go away somewhere together or go out for a quiet dinner just the two of you. Have someone mind the children. Generally speaking, the farther you both get away from home and the usual routines, the better you can communicate your concerns to him.

Manner - the words you say, your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, what you do not say and its implications are extremely important in getting your message across. Do not give your husband the impression that you are attacking him personally because it will only make him defensive. Your manner of communication should be as warm, loving, friendly and supportive as possible. Speak about your feelings and needs not his behavior and shortcomings. Discuss what you should do about the situation together. Explore areas of compromise that you both can make to improve things.

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4. My husband is unable to meet my needs. He is not romantic and non-communicative. It seems like he is never going to change and my marriage seems to be at a dead end. I am thinking of a divorce. Is divorce advisable for someone in my situation?

My firm belief is that divorce is never a right option for anyone unless adultery has been committed. Even in the case of adultery, there is still room for reconciliation and healing if there is repentance on the part of the offender. These days, it is all too easy for couples to cite irreconcilable differences as a valid reason for divorce. I disagree. Marriage is meant to be for life and should be viewed that way by both partners. Let me share some hard facts about divorce.

If you think that divorce is the way to escape from your marital problems, think again. Especially if you are a woman, divorce presents more of a setback than for the man. This is because our society largely views a divorced woman with less respect than it does a divorced man. And if you have children, it is likely that custody for them will be your responsibility. Eventually you will find yourself having to juggle work and motherhood in order to feed your children. You will be straddled down by your responsibilities while your ex-husband is free to find love again almost immediately. So if divorce is out of the question, what can you do instead?

If your spouse does not meet your needs, you should first discover how to meet his needs. Everyone has a primary love language, be it physical touch, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service or words of encouragement. What is your spouse's primary love language? If you speak his love language, he will likely respond back to you in like manner. If he expresses love through physical touch, then touch him more and he will respond back. Although your own love language might not be the same as your spouse's, you would still be receiving his expression of love. Eventually he will understand how to speak your love language and be able to express his love in the way that appeals to you. This way, both your emotional needs will be met.

5. I suspect my wife is having an affair. Although she still carries out her responsibilities as a mother but our love life is empty and our sex life is almost non-existent. She seems as though she is trying to hide something and sometimes her whereabouts are unaccounted for. How can I win her back to myself?

Firstly, a suspicion of an affair is not proof of an affair. Do not blatantly accuse or blame your wife of infidelity. The moment you do, you inevitably cause her to become defensive and hide even more from you. Do not spy on your wife or resort to emotional blackmail ("If you love me, you would do this..."). These actions drive a further wedge into your relationship. The thing you should do is observe.

See if there are any tell-tale signs. In one of my other articles, I have listed down fifteen signs of an affair. Check the behavior of your wife against this list. If all or at least most of the signs are clear, then your suspicions may be credible. Suppose your suspicions are correct; here is what you should aim to do.

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Aim to get your wife to admit any affair and willingly break it off herself. In order to achieve that, here are some things you should NOT do:

o Do not fight fire with fire, for example have an affair of your own.

o Do not give your wife an ultimatum to choose you or him. She might just choose him.

o Do not condemn your wife. A holier-than-thou attitude would only cause resentment.

o Do not be pedantic over every aspect of your wife's behavior. Demanding to know her every move or insisting that she becomes totally subservient to you is terribly restrictive and counterproductive.

Here are some of the things you CAN do:

o If you suspect an affair it is alright to ask for an explanation of her relationship with the third party. If there is admission, then set out a plan to restore your relationship. If there is no admission, just let things be for now. An admission may come later if you do things correctly now.

o Do have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife. Discuss the earliest time when you sense something went wrong with your relationship. Find out in what way your relationship changed. The aim is to pinpoint the root causes for the breakdown in your relationship. Once these root causes are found, help one another remove them.

o Be willing to change yourself first before demanding that your wife changes. Ask what changes she would like you to make about yourself and comply as far as possible

o Be accountable to another couple you can trust. The man should come alongside you and the woman alongside your wife. If an affair exists, this couple to whom you are accountable should lovingly but firmly separate the third party from the both of you.

o Rebuild, re-fire and rekindle your relationship. Spend quality time doing things or going places that reignite your love for each other. Relive precious moments that meant something good in the past

o Put in what was missing all along in the relationship - mutual affection, encouragement, affirmation, support, empathy, understanding, attention etc.

o Make a conscious effort to speak her love language and turn her on. Romance your wife, do the things that really please her.

Doing all these will eventually win her devotion back to you and ultimately save your marriage.

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When you start asking painful question such as "Is my marriage over?" then there is certainly something wrong with your marriage.

Marriage is supposed to make a relationship stronger, happier, more secure and more intimate.

It makes a couple become one; go on in life's journey hand in hand, face challenges together and nurture their love for each other as they move forward in their journey as a couple. However you know that not all couples have a fairytale love story and not all marriages are pleasant.

When indifference, doubt, and gaps loom into your relationship you'll then begin asking yourself questions such as "Is my marriage over?" or "Is my marriage a failure?" To deal with the problem more effectively, there are some signs that need to be considered and they can include the following:

We Repeatedly Fight Over Nonsense Things, So Is My Marriage Over?

Being married isn't just about living together; it's also about understanding each other.

When you repeatedly fight over things then there might be something that's causing that anger or hatred. Try to ponder what leads to these fights. If you can sit down and talk about it, then you must do it right away.

So instead of asking if your marriage is over every chance you get, try to solve the issue of the fights first. Set your pride aside and be humble enough to reach out to your partner to settle things in a nicer way.

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We No Longer Talk Very Much With Each Other, Is My Marriage Over?

Do you routinely do house errands together or attend social gathering and yet you barely speak to each other?

Communication plays a big role in the success of a marriage. Do not allow isolation and silence to cloud your relationship. Always bear in mind that for a relationship to grow, it needs constant love and communication. So yes, it could eventually end if you will let silence take over your home.

We've Been Keeping Things from Each Other, Is My Marriage Over?

In a marriage, understanding and honesty are very important elements in making your relationship stronger. Doubt is the main culprit of building a barrier between your relationship with your partner. If you let doubts to reign in your mind and heart, these doubts will slowly shut you away from your partner. Don't just let it remain unanswered, open up to your partner about the things bothering you. Communication is always the key.

Intimacy No Longer Exists... Is My Marriage Over?

Do you still have passionate moments with your partner or are they replaced with cold gestures already? Have you been missing the words "I love you" from your partner's lips lately?

Absence of intimacy in a marriage can greatly affect your relationship and often result to divorce. Take a vacation together and rekindle that passion in your heart. Try to devote more time in exerting effort to save your marriage by introducing intimacy again.

"Is my marriage over?"; is a question that most couples dread, but keep in mind that a marriage is only over when you give up on it.

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Your husband needs time apart from you. That's what he told you. You're confused about exactly what it means but you're afraid to ask because you fear he'll tell you that it means he's ready to file for divorce. It's probably not that drastic but it certainly is a wake-up call for your marriage. When a husband expresses his dissatisfaction about the relationship, his wife can do one of two things. She can either ignore it and excuse it off as a phase he's going through or she can fight for her marriage. If you love your husband you obviously don't want your relationship to end. That's why you need to get busy saving your marriage and rebuilding it so it's stronger than ever.

When your husband needs time apart it's important that you recognize that it's a symptom of a bigger problem. Men don't tell their wives they want a time out from the marriage unless they're terribly unhappy or feeling very unsatisfied. You need to address the problem head on by opening up the lines of communication with him again. Unless you're willing to talk to him about what's going on, you can kiss your marriage goodbye. His discontent will continue to grow until it reaches a point where he decides that leaving you is his only option for finding happiness.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Ask your husband to talk with you. Tell him that you're deeply concerned about the state of your marriage and that you want to do whatever it takes to save it. He may refuse to open up at first, but if you show him that you are compassionate and understanding, he will come around. You can do that by not overreacting or crying all the time. It's obviously very hard to control your emotions when you see your marriage crumbling before your eyes, but it's vital that you try and keep your composure. Men are often uncomfortable when confronted with an emotional woman, so keep things under control and you'll stand a much better chance of getting him to talk with you about what he's feeling.

Depending on how it is handled, some time apart does not have to be a death sentence for a marriage in crisis. If your husband insists on taking some time for himself, try not to put up too much of a fight. You'll do better if you agree to it, even if it's unwillingly. If your husband sees that you want to put his needs first, he'll start to see you in a new light again. The key to ensuring a separation doesn't become permanent is to keep talking to your husband and keep helping him understand just how much you adore and appreciate him.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.