How To Have A Harmonious Marriage: Building Harmony In Marriage - Marital Harmony Married Life

Far too many marriages have become complex, emotionally-driven interactions of disharmony and discord.

And there is such a simple, easy way to make all of that disharmony and discord go away...

But, it does require that one set aside all false pride, selfishness, and spitefulness.

For every given circumstance, situation and condition, there's a certain way you want to be interacted with, dealt with, or treated like.

And, for that same circumstance, situation and condition, your spouse likewise has a certain way - and possibly a quite different way - that they want to be interacted with, dealt with, or treated like.

Therein is the secret to creating and enjoying greater harmony in your marriage...

For each and every circumstance, situation or condition that your spouse finds themselves in, have the respect for them to put forth the effort to interact with them, deal with them, or treat them in the way THEY want and like.

In simple terms, treat your spouse the way they want to be treated - not the way you want to be treated and definitely NOT the way you THINK they ought to want to be treated.

Likewise, take the time to lovingly EDUCATE your spouse on how to interact with you the way you want when you're in that same circumstance, situation, or condition.

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Here's an example... How do you like to be dealt with when you're not feeling well - say with a cold or a bad headache?

It may be that you're like a grumpy old bear who doesn't want to be touched, talked to, or messed with - you just want to be left alone.

And, just because that's what you want and like when you're sick, IN NO WAY does that mean that's what your spouse wants and likes when they're sick.

When they're sick, they may very well want you to pay close attention to them, stay by their side, baby them, and or pamper them.

Again, just because you want things a certain way in a given situation doesn't mean that your spouse wants them that way when they are in that same situation.

And when you recognize this, and begin to interact with your spouse in the way they want and your spouse begins to interact with you in the way you want, all that disharmony and discord will just melt away - leaving peacefulness, respect, appreciation, and lovingness in its place.

And ultimately, that's a big part of what you want out of your marriage, is it not?

The truth is, creating and enjoying a beautiful, harmonious marriage really is as simple as both marriage partners choosing to treat their spouse the way they want to be treated.

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When you are in a troubled marriage, advice is definitely not a hard thing to come by. It looks like everybody is an expert on the issue; and some of them will tell you to go and talk everything through with your spouse about the problems in your troubled marriage. Yet another common troubled marriage advice is to just let everything go and let the chips fall wherever they may, and things will settle on their own.

The reality is, the best troubled marriage advice is one that tells you to understand which mistakes you have committed that have contributed to this state of trouble your marriage is in. You might be blaming yourself or your spouse for your marriage troubles, but the fact is that no marriage collapses because of just one spouse. Both spouses have done mistakes that led to trouble. So, it's time to understand your mistakes and apologize to your spouse for them. However, it's also true that words can mean little when compared to actions you take. So, support your words with your actions and make your spouse understand that you have really changed, and that you will never make the same mistakes again.

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Often times when a spouse offers some sort of trial separation, the other freaks out and does everything in his or her hands in order to not allow this separation; fearing that it will lead to divorce. However, it doesn't always happen that way and a trial separation can make everything better and initiate reconciliation. When you are in the middle of your troubles and fights, it can be impossible to think clearly and sensibly about those issues. When you and your spouse separate, this gives both of you space to think; and more importantly, some grounds to miss the other. One of the best troubled marriage advices is to suggest a trial separation.

Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

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"My marriage needs help," is a phrase many people say when they feel their primary relationship is beginning to crumble. Marriage isn't always easy and when some couples hit a rough patch they feel overwhelmed and start considering the possibility of divorce. If you don't want your family to fall apart and if rediscovering an emotional connection with your spouse is your goal, there is help. You can rebuild your marriage and make it stronger than it's ever been before.

Once you first realize your marriage needs help it's very important that you look to yourself for guidance. Obviously one partner has to make the first move towards rebuilding the relationship, and it might as well be you. If you love your spouse, you need to begin by apologizing to them for anything you've done that has contributed to the problems you two are experiencing now. Take an honest look at your behavior and then tell them how sorry you are. It's easy to get caught up in a trap of trying to stand your ground when there's conflict, but that's not going to help repair your marriage. Make the first move by expressing your remorse. That will help set the stage for you two to work towards a better understanding of one another.

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Another thing you must do is make time for you and your spouse to be alone. So many couples become so consumed with being good parents, or paying down their mortgage, that they let their relationship be pushed to the back burner. This isn't healthy and while you're so busy tending to other things, your marriage could be crumbling. Set aside some time each day to just sit and talk alone. It may be first thing in the morning before you both go off to work, or perhaps in the evening once the children have gone to bed. You need to schedule time for one another and make each other a priority again. It's essential if you hope to save the marriage.

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To be honest, when you are newly separated, everything feels immediate. You feel as if you are on the verge of a major and irrevocable loss. So, the idea of being deliberate and slowly methodical does not appeal to many separated spouses who miss their significant other and who would do just about anything to get them back as quickly as is possible. Sometimes, though, this slower movement is the strategy that gets the best results. I will explain this more below.

To demonstrate, I might hear from a wife who describes it this way: "we have been separated for about three weeks because it was what my husband wanted. He has been going through some very heavy stuff personally. He wants time away from me. This breaks my heart, but he didn't give me much of a choice in this matter. I try to call him every day. Some days, we have good conversations and other days, he seems to brush me off. I try to initiate getting together every weekend so far and he has been relatively receptive to this, although sometimes he seems to be more enthusiastic than others. My birthday is coming up. We always go to this bed and breakfast for my birthday. I would like to ask my husband to go with me and if we reconnect there, I would like to then ask him to come home. I have talked about this plan with my husband's sister, with whom I am a very close friend. She said that this is a horrible plan and that she thinks that my best bet is to take it slowly. She says that rushing her brother is not going to get a good result. She is a good friend to me and usually gives good advice, but I don't think that my husband is confiding in her so I have my doubts as to whether or not she is right. To me, you can and should go at the pace the separated spouse allows. Is it a good idea to take it slowly and to hold back?"

My answer to that truly does depend upon the situation. To be frank, if I had not slowed down the pace during my own separation, then I might not be still married today. When my husband and I started to make progress and he started to be receptive to me again after a very long time of pushing me away, I was so happy. Words can not describe my joy and relief when the tide turned in that way. And of course, I allowed my relief to push me to push him. Unfortunately, he saw this gentle pushing as pressure and he pushed me away once again. This was horrible news, made worse by the fact that I now had to start completely over. I wasn't at square one. No, I was at less than zero. It took me a very long time to make up that lost ground, which could have been avoided if I had moved much more slowly.

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Striking A Balance: My best advice is that, if your spouse has shown reluctance or resistance to you in the past, then it is best to let them set the pace if it is at all possible. That doesn't mean that you don't ever call them or ask them to do anything. But it is a good idea that if you are doing that, you make sure that for every time you initiate something, you wait for your spouse to do the same before you take the lead again.

In this case, I don't think it would be horrible to mention that you will miss your trip to the bed and breakfast and that you wish things were different. In this way, you are able to feel out his response. If he were to say "well let's go anyway," then there is nothing wrong with going if he is enthusiastic about it.

Understanding The Risk: The real risk in moving too quickly is him pulling away completely because he feels too pressured. That's why instead of out and out asking him, you're better off putting feelers out to see how he might respond. If he doesn't indicate that he'd still like to go or that he's going to miss the trip too, then it's my opinion that you are better off moving much more slowly.

And asking for a reconciliation when he hasn't even been initiating anything at all is probably extremely premature. I am not saying this to discourage you. I am saying it because I'd like for you to have to avoid a set back that is hard and painful to overcome. Sometimes, it becomes very obvious that your separated spouse wants to take things to the next level and is pursuing you. When this happens and he is the one pushing the contact, then there's no need to hold back unless you feel that resistance.

But that was not the case here. The wife was doing all the communicating and all the initiating and she herself admitted that her husband wasn't always receptive. That reluctance is usually a good indicator that it is time to slow down. I know that it's tough. But it is better to slow down and reconcile at a later time than to push and risk the entire reconciliation.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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