How To Have An Amicable Separation: I Want To Fix My Marriage By Separating

Most of the time, the people who I hear from are trying desperately to convince their spouse to end a separation in order to reconcile. Sometimes though, I hear from the spouse who is pushing for the separation or who feels as if they need space. Often, this unsatisfied spouse isn't sure what they want in terms of their marriage. Occasionally though, I hear from someone who wants to both separate and improve or save their marriage at the same time. In short, they are thinking that the separation is actually going to help them to rebuild their marriage.

Common comments in that situation are things like: "I want to rebuild my marriage. It has become stale and cold. I'm no longer happy. My husband takes me for granted on a daily basis. He's also somewhat selfish. I've asked him to go to counseling but he balks at this. I feel like he has no motivation to make things better because he lives with me and he assumes that I am not going anywhere. So, I am seriously considering leaving him and pursuing a separation in order to get his attention. The hope is that once I'm gone, he will realize that I am serious about seeing some serious change and improvement. And he will have no choice but to work with me in order to save our marriage. Do you think that this might work?" I'll answer this question below.

Although I have found that a separation can sometimes improve your marriage, I believe that this can be a risk that may not be worth it. I believe that there's probably a decent compromise that might work just as well without the risk. I will discuss this more below.

The Risk Of Separating To Try To Shake Up Your Marriage: I absolutely understand wanting to scare your spouse into taking action. It's no fun to feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. It's frustrating when you see a path which might make things better, but you can't motivate your spouse to take it.

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At the same time, I hear from a lot of folks who are separated and who wish with everything that they have that they weren't. Sometimes, despite their best intentions, there are often assumptions or issues that get intensified when you are separated. Sometimes, despite the best intentions, you can find yourself in a situation where your marriage is hurt, instead of strengthened, by the separation.

Not only that, but not all couples come back together (or even attempt a reconciliation) after a separation. Some couples fully intend to reconcile but never do. This is a real and significant risk. That's why I think that it's better to try a few different things before you have to go with this route.

Consider Giving Him A Deadline Before You Consider Taking Some Temporary Space: I understand why you want for your spouse to realize that you may be forced to leave if you don't get any significant change. But I believe that it's possible for you to stay put and still get the same result without the risk.

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The next time the issue comes up, you might want to consider something like this: "do you have a second to hear me out? I know that you've heard me repeatedly say that I feel unappreciated. I know that this may not be of the greatest importance to you, but it is hugely important to me. I need to see more of an effort on your part. I don't expect for you to change dramatically over night. But I do need and want to see a considerable effort. I don't want to feel like your roommate any more. I believe that we need counseling. But if you refuse to consider this, then I will need for you to take some serious initiative so that I see some real improvement. If this doesn't happen, I may have to take a break for a while to evaluate what I want. Because this has been going on for a while with no real change. I need to see that you are taking me seriously. Can I count on you to really make a concrete effort?"

Understand that you may not see him enthusiastically jump into action. He may struggle at first. But it's important that you acknowledge even his small efforts. If you want him to keep going and to keep trying, he has to know that you are noticing even the small, initial efforts. The key is to create some momentum so that he wants to keep going. Sure, you won't get immediate results. But frankly, small, gradual results over time turn into major changes that actually stick because they are actually sincere.

So what happens if he doesn't make the effort? At first you might bring this to his attention in the hopes that he will come around. He needs to see that you aren't just going to give up. If he still doesn't make the effort, then perhaps you go stay with friends for a while, just as you have indicated. In that way, you are trying to get the same effect as separating, but you're not leaving permanently and you have control over when you come back. And you also do not have the risk.

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Are you seeking help for troubles marriage? You are not the only one, as these days every other marriage is in sheer crisis. And when you consider that so many marriages are ending up in divorce despite the fact that help is available, you really would not want to make the same mistake.

If you are looking for help for troubled marriage, then you must be going through an emotional turmoil, but the good news is that you have finally knocked at the expert's door. Whenever you think of marriage help, your mind will immediately shift towards marriage counselors, but in fact, there are some other effective ways to keep your marriage from breaking. And believe me, it's nothing enigmatic, all it takes is that both husband and wife work towards achieving a common objective.

A primary cause of breakup in marriages is the couple's tendency to communicate less as marriage grows older. The fact is that every marriage goes through tough times, but partners can make things work if they keep talking with each other. As soon as husband and wife break lines of communication, their relationship becomes highly vulnerable.

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The first step in the direction of getting your partner back is to start communicating. This is the only way you can send and receive your feelings to your partner. It would be better if you keep your conversation just the way you used to do it with your partner when the two of you were gelled together.

Yet another aspect of making your efforts effective is to show full commitment and resolve to get your partner back and to resume your relationship once again. The fact is that it is hard to find help for troubled marriage and you cannot get out of this difficult situation unless your commitment levels are sky high. The problem arises when one partner works his heart out on his job, and finds no energy or resolve to show the love and appreciation that the other partner deserves.

What if your house is badly damaged by an earthquake? Will you simply abandon your home and start living somewhere else? Of course not! Then the same goes for your marriage. You can't leave it in its present fragile state, so you must do something to mend it. Help for troubled marriage is only for those who really look for it and if you are willing to go full throttle to save your marriage you will achieve your goal sooner or later.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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"My husband wants a divorce but I don't! What do I do now?" If these are going through your mind now, let me take a moment to say that I have been in your shoes and know exactly what you are going through right now. Seeing your marriage crumbling is a very hard experience indeed. But I stopped a divorce, and want to help you do so.

When I first learned of this, my mind was boiling with desperation: "My husband wants a divorce, but I don't! I need to do something right now, I can't just wait and see my marriage end!". These feelings urged me to act, but I didn't know what to do! So I did the only thing I could think of: I begged him.

Which is exactly what you must NOT do! It will only harm your marriage more! Your husband is already fed up with you - that's why he wants a divorce. When you pressure him further with your begging, it only makes him more fed up with you. But I know that it's tempting to beg. Why?

Because it's your emotions that run your brain now. They run rampant, and make you want to do desperate things in order to save your marriage. And this is the most important part of all - when you think "my husband wants a divorce, and I need to save my marriage", the first thing you should do is just to calm down.

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Calm down, and relax. KNOW that you can save your marriage, but you need to relax in order to do so. When you calm down, you make your mind think rationally and you don't feel tempted to go and beg your husband. You can now see everything a lot more clearly, and can pinpoint what the problems exactly are and what you should do in order to solve them.

It will also make your husband free of your constant begging and pressure, and give him some alone time which is sure to be beneficial for your marriage!

Trust me - I didn't make any progress in saving my marriage at all until I was taught to calm down.

I know that this is easier said than done, but it is exactly how I stopped my divorce and saved my marriage from what looked like a totally desperate situation. Like you, I needed help doing this. I found help from an outside source - and now I am your "outside source", and want to show you what I exactly did to save my marriage and how I did it.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

There are many things that should be carefully scrutinized in the midst of a marriage crisis. To put it frankly, some marriages are just not built to last or almost destined to fail. I'd like to share with you some unhealthy marriage combination's that if you find yourself in right now may be darn right impossible to save.

One of the first you would think is pretty obvious, but we place so much faith in another individual that we're sometimes blinded by it. The marriage I'm referring to is one that has become physically abusive. This marriage has normally soared beyond any common ground, where it has reached the point of physically getting the point across to one another. Sometimes it's the both of you, but more times than not it's one spouse who has become abusive or continues to do so. This type of relationship is more than unhealthy, it's damaging to your health both mentally and physically. The marriage shrouded in this type of ongoing behavior should continue to end, for the well being of both of you.

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The next combination is one that is in the eye of the beholder, but at the end of the day it still springs conflict and probably will forever if you can't seem to meet in the middle. This one has to deal with the matching of maturity levels. Sometimes one or the other just refuses to grow up and may never. As time goes by, this can lead to even bigger problems throughout every part of the relationship. Money, sex, home life, night life, family events, etc., decision making between the both of you becomes a constant battle. Both of your visions of the present and the future seem to constantly clash with no real compromise in sight. This combination is hard to hold onto, no matter how you both feel about each other, if you can't meet in the middle maturity wise, it's going to be hard for the marriage to stand any real test of time.

The last marriage combination that may prove more than difficult to save, is the one where one spouse or the other has more than their fair share of control or one spouse insists on having total control. This kind of marriage will spawn numerous problems over the years. In fact, it can result in lies and deceit when one spouse has reached the point of learning the only way to get what they want and need is to go behind the other spouses back to get it. Marriages with this type of combination will continue to have problems if the other spouse refuses to compromise or share control over issues in the marriage.

Take a closer look at the combination's above, see if yours fits into one of those combination's or has a mix of them. Be honest with yourself, and decide if the foreseeable future with your spouse is going to be more of the same or in your eyes, are they truly willing/able to change their behavior. If you've determined your marriage to fit into one of those combination's, it's something to definitely think about.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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