How To Help Build Up Your Spouse's Self Esteem: How To Support A Partner With Low Self Esteem

Low self-esteem is a debilitating condition. It causes the sufferer to endure great difficulty in getting close to people and opening up to them. Sufferers can drift through life in a sea of negativity, unable to enjoy and make the most out of life. Now if this condition is left untreated it can eat away at the marriage bit by bit and can end up pushing you apart and wrecking your marriage. This condition can be beaten and you can build up your spouse's self-esteem, it just takes a long time.

Like all conditions that affect the mind the desire to improve their life and state of being has to come from within the sufferer, only they can say, enough is enough, I want a life. The mind is a powerful thing, and if your spouse's low self-esteem has been building over many years then it will be difficult to pull them out of it, possibly because for them, unhappy as it is, they are in a safe place where they can hide away from the fear of rejection.

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Everything that you need to do to help build up your spouse's low self-esteem is what you'd expect to do in a healthy marriage, so you shouldn't have to many problems.

First of all you need to show your spouse that you are interested in them, in what is important to them, hopes and dreams, feelings and emotions, what makes them tick, and little-by-little try to gently dig down to the root cause of the low self-esteem.

When you are talking with your spouse, don't talk down to them just because they've got a problem, you have to treat them with the respect that you would expect from them. Bearing in mind that they can usually have difficulty in opening up to people you need to be very careful in listening to what your spouse is saying, ask them questions about what they tell you, it not only shows that you care about them but it should increase their confidence in opening up to you. Just take your time, and work as quickly or as slowly as your spouse will let you.

You can work at building up your spouse's low self-esteem by trying to steer them away from negative thoughts. This means that you will have to focus them on the good things that life has to offer. Get them looking at everything that is good about your marriage, and remind them that you married them, and that you are with them because you love and care for them. Look for interests that you can share, things that you can to together which can taken your spouse's mind away from its cycle of doom and gloom and give it a fresh focus. You could take up a spot, take a class, or help in the community. It will give their mind a new focus and a new sense of purpose. It will probably be difficult to get them started so be patient.

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Being human well all make mistakes, that's life, and so long as we haven't hurt anyone or done some real harm then it's not the end of the world. Some one with low self-esteem will take their mistakes a lot more seriously. Don't nag or criticize, what's done is done, if it's something small then it can be easily forgotten about, if it's something significant then so long as your spouse is genuinely apologetic and does their best to rectify the situation then you can move on.

You can give your spouse's self-esteem a boost by doing things that would make them happy. Nothing complicated, just do things because you want to do them without expecting anything in return. If you make your spouse happy, then it makes you happy. You can get them little gifts it could be a candy bar, a magazine, or whatever you know that they like. You could wash their car or do some of their chores. Leave little notes or cards saying how much you love and appreciate them. You could even make them breakfast in bed. None of these things are elaborate or dramatic, but they will make your spouse feel very special.

Hold your spouse, kiss them and tell them that you love them. Provide the reassurance that they need to know that they are wanted. Give them you unconditional love and support and let them know that they have it. Love them for who they are, your spouse is the person that you fell in love with. You need to be their best friend, the person that they can open up to, the first person that they turn to if they need help.

As I said earlier, the way to build up your spouse's self-esteem is to treat your spouse in exactly the same way that you would treat any spouse. Be patient with them, if you work at it you will raise their self-esteem and it should bring you much closer as a result. Let them know that they are loved.

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The Main Reason for Marriage Failure

Affairs are the number one reason marriages break up. When asked what went wrong with her marriage, Princess Diana said, "There were three of us in the marriage." What happens when there are three in a relationship that is meant only for two? The answer is obvious. The relationship breaks apart. Is there any hope for a relationship with three in it?

Not if it remains that way. What about polygamy, you may ask. If you are asking that question, I'll bet you are male. You see, generally polygamy (although is permitted in some religions) only favors the men. That's because men are able to love something or someone else almost as much as they love their wives. A man can genuinely love his golf (almost) as much as he loves his wife. He's wired that way. Not so a woman. No woman would like to share her husband. Not if she could help it. What then can be done to break the love triangle? It depends. There are two possible scenarios.

The first is where both partners agree to break it. The second is where only the innocent partner desires to break it but the other does not. Let's look at them one at a time.

The First Scenario

The first scenario is easier for obvious reasons. When both partners agree, they can work together to break the relationship between the erring partner and the third party. In such a case, it is important to have a clean and abrupt break. It is not advisable for the unfaithful partner and the third party to gradually stop seeing each other. This is because an illicit relationship always entails strong emotional attachments. Trying to end the relationship gradually only prolongs the pain and compounds the difficulty. Just as how a drug addict must completely and radically cut himself off from every opportunity to obtain drugs, so must an erring spouse be totally prohibited from all contact with a third party. However, most times this is easier said than done. What can the erring partner do if the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak? This is where close friends play a major supportive role. Such friends can lovingly come between the partner and the third party. Extreme sensitivity is called for. All parties must carry out their respective responsibilities with sympathy and sensitivity yet with firmness and fortitude. But friends can only do so much. Each partner must do his or her part to break the love triangle. What should the wronged partner do?

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It is the responsibility of the wronged partner not to blame herself, nor to blame her husband (or wife as the case may be). Often it is never just one person's fault. The wronged partner should forgive unconditionally even though it may be difficult to forget. It is important to be loving, supportive and accepting towards your partner. Do not focus on his wrong but instead, focus on what is meaningful and virtuous in your relationship and build upon it. Your spouse may have been unfaithful but he or she certainly has other qualities which are positive and wholesome. He or she may be a good provider for the family or have a great sense of humor or even be a good cook. Whatever your partner's positive attribute, build upon it. Find ways to accentuate or use these positive qualities to enhance your relationship and family life. What about the partner in the wrong?

The erring partner has the responsibility of being sensitive towards the feelings of his spouse. Do not do or say anything to hurt her anymore. Cooperate with your spouse. Do what she wants or needs. Your assurance of undivided love is crucial to her at such a time. Put your spouse above all else during this period of reconciliation. Come home early from work, do the chores at home, mind the children as much as you can, spend quality time at home with your partner and children. If need be, take time to be away together just the two of you.

The Second Scenario

The second scenario is more difficult to solve but not impossible. If your partner refuses to break the love triangle, the very first thing to do is to make a firm commitment to treat yourself well whether your partner stops the affair or not. Your partner will never respect you if you become depressed, act helpless, filled with self-pity or lose control of yourself. That brings me to the next step.

The next thing is not to condemn the wayward partner. If he or she refuses to give up the relationship, the best approach would be to win back his or her affections. In a love triangle, the erring partner has allowed his affections to wander off to another person so it would only be right that these affections be won back. Do whatever it takes to woo your lost lover back. Somewhere deep inside him or her your partner still loves you. Help him discover that first love again. Do everything with one main objective.

The objective is to cause him or her to break the love triangle WILLINGLY. Opposing or accusing the third party often does not work. On the contrary, it might backfire as it would most likely drive your partner to defend him or her. Also do not fight fire with fire as Charles and Diana did (one with Camilla, the other with Dodi). Tit-for-tat does not work. Thus take the positive approach. Connect, communicate and commune meaningfully with your partner again. Change anything about yourself that is not pleasing to him. Show him that you are different now, that you are much better than before.

Pray that God will change his or her heart. Be faithful to him or her even though for now it is not reciprocated. With persistent efforts in this direction, you will turn him or her around and the love triangle will be broken.

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If you're one of millions of people who are saying, "I want to learn how to save my marriage", you should know it can definitely be done.

Thousands of couples have learned how to preserve their relationships through taking some very targeted, methodical steps, and so can you.

However, you can just as easily sabotage your efforts if you do the wrong things. If you want a happy, healthy relationship, here are three things you should never do.

1. Stop worrying about the state of your relationship. That just stresses you out, and it won't solve anything. Looking back over all of your mistakes is fruitless.

Ignoring the problems and hoping they go away won't help either. You've got to think positively, and truly believe that your love is great enough to overcome anything. Being in the right mindset is key to rescuing your marriage.

Taking action also helps. It also takes your mind off of worrying, because you'll be actively doing something to help your relationship.

You don't have to do anything big. Just take one or two positive steps toward reconciliation with your spouse, and you'll feel a lot better about things.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

2. Do not trust your instincts. This can actually make things worse. When a marriage is in trouble, our first instincts often tell us to do exactly the wrong things. This is because you're in an emotionally vulnerable position and your actions will be influenced by that.

If you follow your instincts, you can actually end up making things worse, so don't do it. Instead, follow a carefully crafted plan of action to save your marriage, preferably a plan that was developed by a professional.

3. Never believe it's over until the divorce papers are signed. Even marriages that are days (or less) away from signing those papers can be saved. Not only can those marriages be saved, they can be made to be better than ever.

There is always something you can do to win back your love, so hold on to that thought and let it get you through the tough times. As long as you have hope, you can accomplish anything.

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Isn't a wife supposed to feel cherished and adored by the man she married? That's what you believed but now you find yourself wondering if your husband even notices you're around half the time. He barely talks to you, he never says anything that even remotely sounds like a compliment and he hasn't told you he loves you in forever. You're frustrated for good reason. Feeling unimportant to your husband is a horrible thing. If you allow it to overwhelm you, that's a guarantee that your self esteem will be damaged and your desire to stay in the marriage will be virtually non-existent.

Before you can effectively deal with the way your husband has been treating you, you need to deal with yourself and how his mistreatment is affecting you. Getting over feeling unimportant to your husband is all about boosting up your own self esteem. It's natural that you would begin to question your own self worth in light of the fact that your husband doesn't value you the way he should. You may begin to question your appeal or your value as a woman and a life partner. It's crucial that you don't allow his shortcomings to impact the person and woman you are.

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Make a list of all the qualities about yourself that you love. Be honest and don't be humble. It's important for you to be able to recognize everything that you bring to world and all the characteristics that are uniquely yours. Just because your husband has failed to recognize what a gift you are, doesn't mean you have to view yourself the same way.

Now is the time to indulge your own interests again. If your husband has been neglecting you and that includes not spending as much time with you as he used to, it's up to you to seek out your own new experiences. That's not to say that those new experiences should be with another man. You should be focused on finding fulfillment in the things you enjoy most in life. Be that going away for a few days to your favorite getaway place or going back to school to pursue the degree you gave up on years ago.

The male mind is an interesting thing and you're actually going to notice a change in your husband once you start focusing less on his neglecting you and more on yourself. He'll start to view you as an interesting and vibrant woman again and his interest will be peaked. Suddenly you won't seem as unimportant to him anymore and by then you'll already be feeling great about yourself so it's a win-win situation.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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