How many of you are confronted with a situation that the guy you are dating and attracted to is not really ready to move your relationship to the next level? Or that he hasn't taken down his profile from the dating site yet after a few months seeing each other? It feels scary for you now that you feel hormonally hooked on him.
Women need to enjoy dating and stop being so focused on the future. And it's hard to enjoy dating when you never go beyond first few dates. That's not how you learn about men and what works with them. Any man even when he's not the one, come to your life for a purpose: to teach you something. Enjoy them. Take advantage of the lessons they bring. Thank and appreciate them. You'll be surprised at what you are actually capable of and what you are getting from these encounters. This is the secret of my happiness being single. And you won't be happy being in relationship with anyone when you don't know how to be happy having a relationship with yourself (being single).
Unlike us, a man views relationship as a piece of the mosaic of his life vision. He will need to sense a woman if she can fit in that big picture; if she will help him in his life journey or if she will weigh him down. It's a huge factor for a man before he can decide if he wants to commit to a woman (read this for more clarity: Four Keys To Commitment). Unless a man feels he's in the position of power to attain his life goals (and a man won't feel like a man if he doesn't have this), he won't feel relationship with you will matter that much. Be a big part of his support system and he will see you as indispensable.
In this regard, allow a man not to know what to do with you in the beginning (let him take his time), yet he also has to understand that you can't put all your eggs in one basket. A woman needs to take care of herself first and foremost as men always do.
The surest way for a woman to push a guy away is through "where is this relationship going?" My way is to let him attach to you emotionally and let him think all that by himself because you are such a great catch! He just can't resist but thinking about you all the time.
I wrote a book on this and I have very positive response from women all over the world how my advice dealing with guys who want to take things slow really shift the energy they carry that affect their men in such a positive and encouraging way.
Realize that in the beginning a man will observe us and wait for "the other shoe to drop." He's on the fence and noncommittal until he gets all the information he needs. When a woman does exactly that too, he's thrown off balance because men are usually more used to "where is this relationship going" kinda talk. He'll be impressed, "hey, she's not desperate." And with that his guard is lowered. I do think both men and women should gather all the information needed before committing so it's not about playing games.
As soon as a man has his guard up, he will not fall in love or get attached. The only way he'll get attached is if you lower his guard first. I have a man who told me "I don't see marriage between us, do you?" just a few weeks ago to wanting to be with me every night now. He hasn't said much of anything but his behavior says it all. He's attached emotionally already! And he told me how my interest in his school (paper/writing) is really a big thing about me in his eyes, as well. I'm not in the way of his life journey, in fact I'm supporting him.
Another thing to note is when a man says he's not looking for a relationship, trust him but if you like him enough to keep him around without getting attached, go for it. Stick around not to change him. Stick around because you benefit from the companionship. Never try to change a man. It will never work. The less you try to influence, the more you have influence on him. That's what I'm doing and it's been working amazingly well in my and my clients' lives.
What you need to do is just to become a high value woman that any man covets.
What is being high value all about? Being high value isn't the same as playing hard to get. High value is a combo of intoxicating, uninhibited passion, a keen ability to make a man feel desired and admired, an acute sensitivity that knows how to treat him like a man, great intelligence that knows how to fit into his life purpose AND strong independence, maturity and relentless self-confidence. These are what makes a whole-package woman that will capture a man's heart more than looks can ever do. If you consistently make him feel good being around you while enjoying your own full life separate from him, he's not going anywhere. This is how a man attaches to you emotionally.
And when you love yourself more than anyone in the world, you will always know that a man who deserves you is the one who loves you as much as you love yourself. And any man who doesn't think you are all that will never get a hold on you because you won't be that attracted to him in the first place.
So many women think the guys in their lives are either princes or jerks, but the truth is more frightening and more complicated than that. Find out why men lie or don't communicate their true feelings by clicking the shocking video below:
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.