To rekindle a relationship when it has become stagnant is very important. Let’s face it. It takes a lot of time and emotional involvement to start a relationship. Do you remember how much quality time you dedicated to the relationship? How you used to dress up for each other and take time out of your even then busy schedule to talk, to go out on dates, and to make love.
What happens often after you settle down together? You get bogged down with the everyday routines and the relationship tend to lose the spark that made it sizzle when you just started. The human tendency in a long term relationship is to relax the effort that you used to put into it at the beginning when pleasing each other was on top of your list. Somehow you think that the relationship is now 'safe' and your focus can go somewhere else. It’s enlightening to find out that the relationship continues to need your attention if you want to keep it vibrantly alive.
Here are 5 tips that are guaranteed to rekindle a relationship:
1. Make a date preferably where you had your fist date. It tends to bring back fond memories. Get dressed up for the occasion. Like then, you want to present the best of yourself. Call up during the day to confirm the date and tell them how excited you are. Enthusiasm acts like a fan to make the flame bigger. I imagine enthusiasm like a heart shaped fireplace bellows. Use it
2. Look at your partner as if for the fist time and re-discover the good qualities you saw when you fell in love and be open to discover new ones. Hold hands and silently connect while gazing into each others' eyes softly. Then tell them 3 things you love about them, at least one in each category:
-physical attribute you love: their eyes, the way they walk, their muscles tone, their strength, how sexy they are… you got the idea.
- one character trait that you appreciate about them, such as courage, caring, reliability, intelligence, sense of humor…
- one intangible quality that is especially dear to you, such as their thirst for creativity, their thirst for knowledge, their clarity and mental sharpness, their ability to let go of resentment and start new…
3. Intimacy is not necessarily about sex. I’m talking especially to men here. When your woman is not in the mood for sex do not force it to happen. Not only it does not work, it often backfires. She might resent you and avoid your approach more than before. Instead offer to her some other way to feel close like inviting her to sit on your lap. She might be eager to do that. Many women I am coaching tell me that they love sitting in their husband’s lap. For some it brings back fond memories of early childhood and for others sitting in a sweet embrace fulfils their desire to be close without the often unspoken expectation that sex will have to follow. It feels very nurturing and non threatening. It is very sweet. Men just put your arms around her waist, allow her head to nestle unto your shoulders and your head and kiss her neck gently. I promise you will love her sweet surrender to receiving affection yourself. Who knows what might happen naturally after that. However, the idea is to do it without expectations. Tantra teaches that expectations slowly choke love, and in my work I hear proof of it very often.
4. Dust off your sense of humor or open up to the possibility that everyone has a sense of humor. For some of you your sense of humor is hidden more deeply than for others, but we all have one. We will notice that when you see things more lightly your sense of humor can bloom in a way you had never expected, even if you think you have no sense of humor. Hopefully the following example will inspire you to try it out in your relationship.
Mary and Luis came to me because they were hopelessly distant and angry at each other. Being together had become unbearable because every little disagreement ended up in a bitter fight after which they would not talk to each other for days. They wanted to change it because they knew that deep down there was love. After starting the therapy, which included communication of hidden resentments and forgiveness, I asked them if they were willing to try out something unusual while they were doing the deeper healing work. Would they be willing to take a conscious deep breath, and switch the program from anger to laughter as soon as they noticed the upset well up?
They were doubtful they could do it, but they decided to give it a chance. They call me a week later telling me that it worked like magic. The laughter, which started out as forced, became really natural and it relaxed them enough to allow them to see the pettiness of their arguments. After the laughter they felt much closer together and were inspired to hug each other with genuine fondness. A miracle? Yes, perhaps. It depends how you define ‘miracle’.
5. This one is hot: take out 3 pieces of paper each and write down on each paper a sexual fantasy that would turn you on. (6 scenarios feel like a good number to choose from) You take those home and put them into a bowl. As soon as you arrive fish one out. You might like the first one. If you both like it, go ahead and make it happen. It will be hot! If you don't agree on the first one, fish out another, until you agree on one. If you don't agree on any of them, make sure you laugh instead of getting upset if you don’t like what your partner fantasizes about. Thank him or her for risking to express it. It does not have to happen exactly as described. You want to use the description, too, as a turn on, not to create stress. You can modify it the way you want. That is guaranteed to take you out of boredom.
Don't let your relationship's flame go out. Make sure to keep the spark lit or rekindle it with these tips.
Carla Tara is the official guide to Tantra on SelfGrowth.com and is well known as a master in the world of Tantra. Over the last 20 years she has helped literally thousands of people gain greater sexual fulfillment, expand their capacity for love, heal old wounds, and deepen the loving connections in their relationships.
Carla Tara has been counseling couples in the art of keeping their relationship passionate and vibrant for over 25 years. She has been adding to her psychotherapeutic approach a Tantric approach as well, which seems to be the perfect marriage that covers all areas, including the most intimate ones.
She is an expert in Self Growth and recommend their program very highly. David Riklan is not only an outstanding businessman, he’s also a very caring human being.
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