Are you finding it difficult to keep things passionate in your relationship? Do you sometimes feel that you are simply going through the motions and neither of you are frisky in bedroom any more?
When most relationships first begin, there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency as both tries to discover each other. Over time as the novelty of the relationship wears off, this new-found excitement and curiosity of each other begins to wane. Practically any couple who has been together for any length of time will eventually struggle with this same issue. But this does not mean accepting the reality and letting the sexual aspect of your romantic life wither and die a slow death.
Here are some ways you can do to keep the passion in your sex life.
(1) Recognize that sex can never be perfect
If you are expecting each sexual encounter to be earth-shattering and passionate, then you are setting yourself up for consistent disappointment. The reality is the sexual aspect of any relationship resembles that of the sea tide which can experience intermittent high and low tides.
Be realistic when you think about what you want to get out of your physical relationship. If both of you are having sex fairly consistently and most of the time enjoying the intimate moments, then you are doing really well. Always remember that something bad can happen – just have fun and stay relaxed.
(2) Make each other feel good and loved even outside the bedroom
In school days, we all know that in order to get good grades, we need to prepare well in advance and should not burn midnight oil just only a few days before exams. The same logic also applies to the sexual aspect of the relationship.
We tend to think that sex only begins once we head towards the bedroom and that it can behave like cooking instant noodle. It will be unrealistic to be lukewarm to your partner most of the time and to expect ‘heat’ to surge immediately once you enter the bedroom. The idea is that you find ways (every single, little and thoughtful gesture counts) when outside the bedroom to keep the glow in each other’s heart. This is what I have always been emphasizing that you need to pay a lot of attention on the emotional aspects of your sexual relationship.
(3) Constant communication
One of the best things you can do to improve sex life is to communicate well with your partner. This may mean taking the time to discuss whatever misgivings you have about the lack of excitement in your relationship or about what you want and enjoy in your intimate moments.
Couch your request in a compliment rather than a complaint or criticism. For example you can say something like this – “It really turns me on when you take your time on foreplay before we have sex.”
Another way is to have something like a brainstorming session about the outrageous thoughts that ever come to your mind. The idea is to allow the free flow of thoughts (without afraid of being judged negatively) to give each other more chances of coming up with solutions that both can agree on. All good relationships require communication, effort and a little commitment to spice things up.
(4) Spicing up love life
This means making an effort and be willing to go the extra mile to find ways to add variety to your sex life and prevent it from becoming boring. Maybe you can have sex at some other time other than on a weekend evening. Make out in the back seat of your car or rent a motel room near your place. Or maybe you switch roles, to allow each other to take turns to play a dominant role in the lovemaking session.
Whatever you do, try to release your inhibitions. Keep in mind that as long as you both feel respected and comfortable with what you are doing, you can relax, let yourself go, and enjoy the variety. This is what a healthy sex life is all about which is enjoying yourselves and each other in a way that allows you to express your love to each other in a meaningful way.
The bottom-line is to make a concerted effort to relax and liven things up. Just enjoy the whole process and not to be too concerned about the outcome, finding pleasure in everything from the beginning to the end. If you can do this, your sex life will never be boring.