How To Survive A Bad Marriage Without Divorce: Stuck In A Bad Marriage

I sometimes hear from a wife whose husband is doing everything in his power to discourage her from feeling hope that their marriage might ultimately be saved. And while he's not telling her that the marriage is definitely over starting today, it's clear that he doesn't want for her to assume any positive outcome.

In this situation, I might hear a comment like: "my husband and I have been separated for about three weeks. I fully understand that things don't look good for us. When your husband moves out and you're sleeping alone in an empty house, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the signs aren't looking good. But my husband acts as if he needs to spell this out for me every chance he gets. On the off chance that we have a nice conversation or a nice outing together, my husband will always go out of his way to say something like 'now you know that this doesn't mean that we are getting back together. One good day does not mean that there will be a reconciliation.' The other day I got frustrated with this and I asked my husband why he was always doing this. His answer was that he 'didn't want me to get my hopes up about saving our marriage.' This was very upsetting and I didn't know how to respond. It's as if he's determined that he is going to end our marriage no matter what happens. It's almost like he's told himself that he's not going to register or consider anything positive that happens between us. It's very discouraging to me because I'd like to just wait and see what happens. How am I supposed to feel when my own husband is trying to dash my hopes? Should there still be any hope left at all?"

I really feel for concerns like this because it brings back memories from my own situation. And it can make you feel as if you have nothing to look forward to and nothing to really strive for no matter what because your husband is determined to shoot down any progress that you've made. But here is what I learned from that situation. No one can take your hope away without your permission. Very luckily, you don't need your husband's blessing to continue to hope for improvements. He doesn't even need to know about your hope. Frankly, your hope is your own business and not anyone else's.

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I know that it's tempting to want to debate this or to ask him who he thinks he is to try to control your thought process. But, as understandable as this inclination is, I've found that it sometimes only makes things worse. If he thinks that you're trying to disprove his theory that there is reason to have hope, then he's going to go out of his way to show you that in fact there is none. And that process can be very harmful to your marriage.

I'd suggest that instead, you want to make it clear that you will agree to disagree and that you're not going into this with any set of expectations. You want to make it clear that you're only trying to make the best of the situation, since there's no good reason to always turn to the negative. So you might try a response like: "I'm well aware of how you feel about this. My being upbeat and just enjoying our day together doesn't mean that I'm assuming we're going to reconcile tomorrow. I know that we are separated. I know that neither one of us knows what the future holds. But I don't think that this means that I have to have a negative attitude or that I always have to notice what's wrong. Regardless of what happens between us today or in the future, I don't have any expectations. I just want to make the best of each day because our relationship is important to me - regardless of whether it's changing or not. I'm just making the most of our time together just for today. And I don't see anything wrong with that. Nothing says that we can't try to get along and make the best of things."

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Once you've said this, it's best to not dwell on it. You don't want this to become a huge issue between you. Try to keep things very light hearted and non stressful. Your husband is less likely to resist you if he doesn't think that you are pushing and if he believes that you don't have an agenda. And frankly, sometimes working this way turns out to be an advantage for you.

My husband certainly didn't want me to have any hope when we were separated because he was pretty sure that he wanted to divorce me. And he was certain that there wasn't much that I could do to change his mind. It become obvious that the more I tried to change his mind and the more hope I had, the more determined he became that a divorce was going to happen.

So I decided that I was no longer going to try to change his mind. Instead, I was going to focus on myself and just maintain positive communications with him because he was too important to me to allow the entire relationship to deteriorate. When I backed away from my stance, his attitude toward me changed. And I was eventually able to save my marriage - even after many people would have lost hope. The truth is,I never gave up hope. But I learned not to advertise the same. Sometimes, you have to back away so that his resistance lessens. It doesn't mean that you are giving up. It just means that you are approaching things in another way.

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Being on the brink of divorce can be affecting you emotionally. It will be both a tough and hurtful experience. Nobody wants to end a relationship in a bad way; nobody wants to end a marriage. Getting married you thought that you'd be together forever and have a happy ever-after; just like the movies! Things change, things happen, life takes its toll upon things. But all you want to do is try to convince your spouse to stay in the marriage.

Partners hurt each other in all sorts of different ways. It could be something that they said, may have had an affair or maybe they are not paying enough attention to you as they used to. Talking about it and expressing your feelings have solved these problems and got them back together. They are just the same as me and you; they have the drive to get their marriage on track; don't give up, you never know you might be just around the corner in convincing your spouse to stay in the marriage.

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There are lots of different of ways to try to convince them to stay in the marriage, however, taking the literal meaning of 'convincing' them will not help your cause. This does not work at all! Using blackmail tactics like pleading, arguments, guilt, depression or threats will only drive them away and not help you convince your spouse to stay in the marriage.

The key is to remain positive and keep your composure. Accept and respect their decision to end the marriage. It is crucial that you give them the desired space. This will enable your partner to think about their decision and miss the times spent together. This will put you in a better position to convince your spouse to stay in the marriage.

On the contrary, you need to keep your composure. Accept their decision to end the marriage. Respect their view and let them go. Give them the freedom and space the need. It doesn't mean you agree with the divorce. It only shows that no matter what it takes you are determined to save your relationship. In time, you will be in a better position to convince your spouse to stay in the marriage.

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Marriages change over time and the love you once felt for your husband may have shifted to something that resembles respect and friendship. It's not unusual for a woman to suddenly realize one day that although she still loves her husband, she's no longer in love with him. You can live your life in this type of relationship but without the deep, romantic love that is shared by a wife and her husband your marriage will be a shell of what it could be. If you want to rekindle the feelings that were once there, there are tips for falling back in love with your husband that can help you.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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One of most effective tips for falling back in love with your husband is to focus only on his positive traits. Once you feel that the romantic love has left the relationship it's very easy to dwell on only the negative things about your husband that irritate you. If you constantly see the negative in a person it stands to reason that your feelings for them aren't going to be very positive either. If you want to get back to the place you two were when you first married, think about what you adore about him. Focus on that and before long the negative things will fall to the wayside. You should do the same when talking about your husband to others. Focus on his strengths and you will start to feel differently about him.

If you start doing things for your husband you'll begin to notice a change in him as well. Sometimes women feel the love slipping out of their relationship because they feel taken for granted. Since men don't see things the same way we do, it can be impossible for a man to know what his wife needs. If you start by taking the initiative and doing things for him that make his life easier and happier, he'll follow suit. Feeling appreciated and valued goes hand-in-hand with feeling loved, so ensure that your husband knows how much you appreciate him and he'll do the same for you.

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No one goes into a marriage not thinking that it will last forever. But, spending a life with a completely different person can strain things and so, this thought can change. The hardships of life can have a negative effect on the marriage. Sometimes, you may feel your emotional connection weakening, and want to learn how to fall back in love with your husband again. Saying this is a sign that you want to keep the family, and you don't want a divorce. This is a positive approach.

It's common belief that after a marriage, when the love is gone, it's gone forever and there's no way to re-ignite it. This is not always true - a lot of couples first think they're losing the love, only to rebound and enter a loving relationship that will last a lifetime. Falling back in love with your husband is not impossible.

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The personal interaction between you and your husband was immense during the first years - while you were dating and while you were newly wed. As time passes, your interaction might have weakened because of children or a busy work life. Whatever the reason, the first thing that you need to do to re-ignite the love with your husband should be to remember that you are a couple and make time to act as one. You need to spend some quality time alone with your husband.

Another point is to stop saying negative things to your spouse, and starting a positive approach. This will enable you to put the relationship under a new light. It might also be the case that you are used to venting out the frustrations of everyday life (of your job or of your children) on him. It goes without saying that for this "new light", you have to change that as well.

Some things work better when you want to fall in love with your husband again and get back in the marriage. The issue regarding your feelings for your husband has to be addressed quickly, because if you wait for it to build up, one day you will wake up feeling that a divorce is inevitable.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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