There are key points that can help you identify if someone in your life is in fact narcissistic. It is important to understand, though, that until you get really close to someone, such as live together, or enter an intimate relationship with, you may never have realised this person is in fact narcissistic.
To people that are not in close proximity, such as friends, acquaintances, and co-workers, thenarcissistic person may appear as the charmer, the ‘go to’ person, the person that is always cracking jokes, able to solve complex situations and always willing to lend a hand. This can be confusing, for people who go from this status to lover with a narcissistic individual, as they had no idea what they were really signing up for.
If you are considering getting into a personal relationship with any potential love partner, especially one where you get powerful feelings of ‘this is the one’ (one of the major potential warning signs of falling in love with a narcissistic person) the advice is to take your time, retain your interests, don’t enter into a sexual relationship immediately, and don’t always be available when that person wants to see you.
Narcissistic people find it very difficult to be patient, respectful, honour boundaries and you having other interests, or display actions that match their words. In fact a narcissistic individual is very likely to go ‘missing in action’ in order to seek out better narcissistic supply (levels of attention) than you are granting if you retain your boundaries in the courting process. Or he or she will start putting a lot of pressure on you to move into the relationship faster, and will use guilt, demands or other self-serving tactics if the charm does not suffice.
When you get close to a narcissistic person, the cracks start appearing. You start seeing self-absorbed, selfish and inconsistent behaviour. You may even see lots of ‘loose’ behaviour. Where did that incredible, sweet, caring and diligent person go? Now that you have become an intimate person in the narcissistic person’s life, you are not primary ‘supply’. The narcissisticindividual has the whole world to charm, and procure adoring subjects from – you become less exciting to ‘win’.
Your feelings of being ‘taken for granted’, ‘not important’ ‘an afterthought’ or ‘made responsible for his or her selfish demands’ and ‘bearing the brunt of his or her rage and paranoia episodes’ is all relevant when connected to the narcissistic person. When the honeymoon is over you will start speaking up about the selfish, thoughtless and inconsistent behaviour – and you will be met with excuses, non-accountability, blame shifting, and sooner or later, malicious comments that the narcissistic individuals uses to derail you and hityou where it hurts the most.
In short, narcissistic people are irrational and can act like spoilt children when not getting their way. Narcissistic people feel entitled, and once you have connected with them they firmly believe you – just like the world – owe them!