if you've spent any time researching how to win back your ex girlfriend, you've probably come across a number of articles and relationship experts who argue that you shouldn't contact your ex for a certain period of time after breaking up (usually 3-5 weeks). That's great advice, and should be followed in almost all situations.
What most breakup gurus fail to mention, however, is that the way you begin to re-establish communication with your ex girlfriend can have a massive impact on your chances of success. If you haven't spoken to your ex in a month, then you absolutely cannot phone her up and ask to get back together... this will "weird her out" and won't help your cause at all.
If your ex girlfriend didn't reach out any talk to you at all during the "no contact" period, don't stress yourself out -- it's still very possible for you to win back her heart and re-build a new life together. But you need to be careful and methodical with the way you begin to talk to your ex again, and slowly re-build her attraction and re-shape her perception of you.
That's where text messages can be extremely helpful. The advantage to a text message is that it's short (usually 160 characters or less) and doesn't require your ex to answer a phone call or drag out an awkward conversation. Text messages are a great way to break the ice and start talking to your ex again.
So, what are the kinds of things that you can text your ex girlfriend once the 'no contact' period is over? To begin with, all of your text messages should be casual and playful, so don't bring up serious topics such as the breakup or your desire to get back together. Instead, start by sending her something seemingly harmless and meaningless just to show her that you're still around and doing fine without her.
One great way to initiate communication is to send your ex a message that references an inside joke that she'll understand. As an example, let's say you and your ex girlfriend share a love for the TV show "Friends". You can use this to shape a light-hearted text message such as: "Hey, I was at Starbucks this afternoon and saw a girl who looked IDENTICAL to 'Phoebe' from Friends.... she even had the same squeeky voice!"
The beauty of this casual and playful text message is that it a) doesn't require any response from your ex girlfriend and b) doesn't indicate that you miss your ex or want her back. For the first few weeks after ending the 'no contact' phase, all of the texts you send to your ex girlfriend should be equally casual and harmless.
If you can't think of any inside jokes to reference in a text, another option is to ask your girlfriend a specific question that may spark memories of you and the happy times you shared together. For example, you could say something like, “Hi there! Just wondering… any chance you remember the name of that restaurant we went to for your aunt’s birthday party?”
Again, this is a casual text that should incite a reply from your ex... without setting off any of her natural defense mechanisms which may push her further away. Once you receive a reply and slowly begin to talk with your ex girlfriend more regularly, you can slowly start the process or seducing her again and re-igniting her romantic feelings for you.
Lastly, you can also make a suggestion in your text message rather than asking a question, as this will show your ex that you remember and cherish certain memories of the time you spent together. For example, you could text her: "Hey, I just ate at this fantastic Thai restaurant downtown... you should definitely try it, because I know you love Thai food!"
One important thing to keep in mind: you should be sending these text messages to slowly re-build the lines of communication between you and your ex, not to ask questions about the breakup or beg her to get back together. Only talk about 'serious' topics (ie. the state of your relationship, etc) in person after you've hung out with your ex several times. Text messages are just the catalyst to kick-start an ongoing dialogue with your ex.
Hopefully the examples provided above will give you a few potential text messages to send your ex after the 'no contact' period has ended. If you continue to play your cards right and re-build her romantic attraction for you, it's only a matter of time before you're a happy couple again. Best of luck!
Brad Browning is a certified relationship counselor and the author of "The Ex Factor Guide," a best-selling program teaching men how to use covert psychological tactics to get back together with an ex girlfriend. The video on Brad's website reveals several must-see methods you can use right now to get her back...