By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
As our many readers know, we have been studying successful marriage and relationships for nearly three decades. And frankly, one of the most important questions we get asked is, How will I know if this is true love? The answer is simpler than you think. In the end, there are Seven Tests of True Love.
Here’s the good news – based upon our research we have learned the answer to the question, “How will I know if his love is true?” If you pay particular and close attention to the following seven indicators, you will know the answer to this timeless question as well.
1. If you observe his actions rather than his words, what have you learned? Does he talk about how nice he is, yet kicks his dog? Does he talk about respect for you, but jumps to the head of the line when you order lunch or dinner? Does he tell you how much he loves you, but decides for you what you should eat, the drink you should like, the donut you should choose at Dunkin’ Donuts, or the movie you should like on Saturday night?
Here’s the truth – actions always speak louder than words! Never, ever, fool yourself into thinking that his actions don’t matter. Always remember this simple truism – he is what he does! Ignore this notion at your peril.
2. Does he always treat you with respect or does he do so sparingly and inconsistently? People who are truly in love know this – treating the one you love with respect is a full time activity!
You cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. He either is all of these or he is not. He is not allowed to choose the time and place to be one or the other. He is either respectful full-time or he is not. It really is that simple. He is not entitled to pick and choose!
3. In your relationship, are you relegated to second-class citizenship or are you an equal partner? When someone really loves you, they treat you as an equal partner – as a person who has an equal voice in your relationship.
If he makes the significant decisions in your relationship and relegates you to following his directives, then he really does NOT love you. In the best loving relationships between a man and a woman, both share equally in the relationship.
4. When you are in love, you know this – you cannot imagine life without the one you love! So try this question on him – “Honey, do you love me more than life itself? Can you imagine life without me?” If his answer is NO to one or both of these questions, he doesn’t love you! If his answer makes you wonder about the depth of his commitment to you, he doesn’t truly love you.
Here’s the deal – someone who truly loves you cannot imagine life without you. We know this to be true from three decades of research on love and relationships. If he suggests otherwise, he is not the man you should commit your life to!
5. People who love each other tell each so everyday of their lives together. Does he tell you he loves you? Does he do it without prodding? Does his love for you come naturally, repeatedly, and frequently?
The truth of the matter is this – when you love someone, you tell them. And don’t fall for that old line that goes like this – “I don’t need to tell her I love her because she knows.” This notion is just plain wrong! You need to hear it. If he doesn’t tell you, then your relationship has a problem.
6. One of the underlying notions in the best relationships is this – “I trust him with my life and my sacred honor – I trust him more that life itself.” Your trust in him is unequivocal and without hesitation.
Here is the question of the day – Is the man you purport to love a man you trust without question? If the answer is no, then you need to reconsider the question, does he really love me?
7. In the end, if he really loves you, he is always there for you – through the good times and the bad. When somebody loves you, they love you through thick and thin. They love you without conditions. They love you when you are at your best and when you are at your worst.
When you are really in love, he makes you feel good. He makes you excited about where your relationship is going.
The measure of his love for you is always, in the end, about consistency. When you love someone, you cannot pick and choose the times you show you care, when you express love, and when you demonstrate your affection for the one you love. If his love for you is conditional, sporadic, and only comes when the times are good, you have to answer yourself this simple question – does he really and truly love me? You decide.
In the end, if he really loves you, he will meet the Seven Tests of True Love. If he can’t pass this test – then you need to reconsider how true his love actually is. If he passes the test, he will have demonstrated how much he really loves you.
In love and marriage the simple things matter. Love well!
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For hundreds of tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships
As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 29 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 45-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.
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