Don't make things worse by trying to get her back
The biggest regret guys often have is that during the break up they acted in way that was clearly out of desperation.
Usually guys feel a profound anxiety to do something to fix the situation and so they end up acting in a way that they can never fully redeem themselves for later.
They keep calling, texting, emailing... Some guys will beg or cry... Sometimes they'll keep sending gifts or go by their ex girlfriend's work or home...
Basically they end up acting in a way that not only makes them feel stupid later, but it will often make things too wierd to have a friendship later.
So remind yourself...
- When you feel an especially strong urge to call or talk to her, those are the times you are the mostly likely to say or do something you'll regret later
- Keep in mind that how you behave at the end of the relationship will affect how she remembers you and the entire relationship
- If you walk away with dignity earlier and quit while you're ahead you're far more likely to be able to rebuild something in the future
Be friends with her AFTER you've gotten over her
When things are fresh, you can't be "normal" friends with your ex girlfriend.
There will still be too much expectation and tension over your break up.
Often being "friends" is just a pretext to try to get back together, and often guys will stay friends with their ex and cause themselves a lot of torture in the meantime because they desperately want to keep their ex girlfriend in their life.
- Right after a break up, "normal" friendship is nearly impossible
- Chances are even as friends you'll be trying to get her back
- In order to get over her, you have to a break and not talk to her
- If you can picture her being with another guy and (honestly) be okay with it, then you are probably in a place where you can be friends
Don't expect an "explanation" to satisfy you
Often girl's reasons for leaving don't make all that much sense. Sometimes they contradict themselves, sometimes the reasons will seem vague.
Sometimes girls just taper off contact or just disappear. Guys will end up spending weeks or months racking their brains trying to figure out "why" she started acting the way she did...
The constant self torment of trying to figure out why will of just add fuel to the heartbreak you're already feeling.
So for a while consider that if you want to move on you have to start becoming comfortable with ambiguity and not having a satisfying explanation.
This is much easier said then done, but when you've moved on, why things ended up the way they did will be much clearer to you.
In the meantime keep in mind...
- Asking her for another explanation or trying to talk her out of leaving will only hurt YOU more
- Playing "connect the dots" in your head and trying to figure it out for yourself will also make you feel worse
- Expect that while you're heartbroken, the "reasons" for you two breaking up are not going to satisfy you
- To move on you have to start becoming okay with the ambiguity, misunderstanding and "lack of closure" you're feeling
Understand that she had a "head start" on getting over you
If your ex girlfriend left you, cheated on you, or has been trying to leave for a while, its really important to understand that she has been rehearsing it in her mind for quite some time.
This means she has been emotionally detaching herself from you for a while now, so the pain may very well not be as fresh and overwhleming to her as it is to you.
If you stop and contemplate that she isn't hurting as much as you, it will change your expectations of her and how you interact with her as well...
What this also means is...
- When you are interacting with her keep in mind she has "worked through" a lot of the things that might be a shock for you
- If she is acting more distant, critical, uncaring or if she has a different "persona" now its because she has had more time to accept the situation and detach herself
Notice she became MORE attractive after she left
This is not just about "wanting what you don't have..." There are many more profound things going on that really do make her more desirable after she has decided to move on.
Chances are if you're heartbroken SHE is the only thing that will give you any relief from the pain and loss you're feeling. And the more pain you are in, the more you mind distorts the memory of how things actually felt when you were with her.
The longing, loneliness and the (literal) chemical withdrawal your body is going through will elevate your desire to be with her more so then it was when you were together.
- Almost by definition you have to feel worse about losing her before you feel better
- Because of the complex emotional and physical parts involved, you can feel longing and heartbroken over someone you don't want to be with
Understand that getting over her will not be steady and predicatable
If you expect pain in the coming days, weeks and months, when it actually hits you its not going to knock you over as hard.
But it's also important to expect that it will not happen in a "linear" progression...
Most of the time it will be eradic and unpredictable...More like one step forward and two steps back at first...
For a couple of days you might be okay, but then you'll see something, someone will ask you about her, or you'll see her Facebook...And you'll feel like hell again.
On some days you may not be able to stop thinking about her... and on others it it will let up and won't crowd up your mind so much.
If you expect that healing from your heartbreak won't happen in a predictable way, ironically, it will be more predictable...
Something to remember...
- Nights, weekends and holidays will probably be the most painful
- The more you are surrounded by things that you associate with her (which at first might be everything) the more often the pain will "flare" up
- As you notice what causes the longing and the heartbreak to come up, the more you'll be able to set your life up to change them
Author of and speaker on getting through the painful weeks and months right after a particularly painful break up or separation. Specializes in teaching quick and easy techniques and mindset changes to help get relief from heartache, stop painful repetitive thoughts and move on so you can have a fresh start within weeks instead of months or even years... For more info go to http://www.getoverhernow.com