“I Was Carrying A Lot Of Grief!”

Towards the end of 2014, I felt a lot better than I did in the beginning of 2013, and what also played a part here is that I had recently been away. I had gone to Mexico for my sister’s wedding in June that year.

Going away gave me a lift and, when I came back, I wondered why I didn’t go away more often. I enjoyed the warm weather, meeting new people, trying different food and finding out about what Mexico was like.

Time for a Different Approach

So, as I felt better, I knew that what I had been doing to heal the pain within me was no longer working. If I hadn’t gone away during this time, I probably would have continued to do the same thing.

Ultimately, I wasn’t prepared to go back to how I felt before. But while I wasn’t prepared to do this, I still had to find a way to go to the next level; this wasn’t something that would just happen.

The Contrast

As time went by, I gradually returned to how I felt before I went away. This wasn’t the end of the world, though, as I was able to get in touch with how I felt whilst I was away – I had a new reference point.
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I was during this time that I was reading a book called ‘Heartwounds: Role of Unresolved Grief and Trauma in Relationships’ by Tian Dayton. Through reading this book, and looking at other sources, I came to see that I was carrying a lot of grief.

Reaching Out

In august, after I had been back for a number of weeks, I looked for a therapist who did SHEN therapy. I had been working with someone who practiced this therapy, but I thought that I had gone as far as I could with this person.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t a case of anyone would do, I wanted to find someone who had worked with people who had experienced grief. I soon came across someone called Vijay Rana.

The Real Deal

On the website that he had at the time, he spoke about his own experience of overcoming grief, amongst other things. I knew instantly that this was someone who I had to work with.

The loss of my father in 2011 and the neglect I experienced as a child were two of the things that had played a part in the grief I was carrying. After I worked With Vijay for the first time, I could see that this was someone who knew what he was doing.

As Time Went By

During this time, I developed the ability to contain my emotions, and this took place through letting go of the emotional pain that was within me and through being affirmed. And, as I got stronger, I was able to cry out a lot of the pain that was within me.

For around a year, I ended up crying for at least ten minutes each day. This was generally something that I consciously chose to do, as opposed to something that just happened.

I Had To Do It

Listening to music, looking at old pictures and visiting my father’s grave were some of the ways in which I was able to do this. I didn’t feel much better when I first started crying, but as the months went by I gradually felt better.

Now that I have been through this process, I realise how important it is to be able to cry. Before this took place, I thought that crying was a sign of weakness, but now I understand that this is something that takes strength.