In my heart of heartsâ means that you know or have known that something is true even if you have not been willing to admit it to yourself or others.â
On the deepest level I believe we instinctively know when our health is in jeopardy and death is threatening; when our life force or the lives of our loved ones are in serious danger. There are also times when in spite of a diagnosis and prognoses, in our heart of hearts there is a knowing which for lack of a better explanation is, that it just isnât time.
Are we responding to more than our personal investment and hope? Do we unconsciously sense the will battling to survive? Can we tell when the soul is ready to depart? I have had both of these experiences which I will share in this post, and I welcome any similar stories you would like to relay.
I remember the days before my father died. I was in the hospital after giving birth to my son and my father was in the hospital recovering from brain surgery. We were miles away from one another. I believed or maybe I really wanted to believe the neurologist, when he told me my father was recovering. I realize now that I was in denial. I buffered what was going on wrapping and insulating my self in the glory of motherhood. I was being self protective. But I vividly remember a feeling of desperation and exhaustion. It was like chasing after someone you just canât catch. Hard as it was to face, I knew my father was drifting away. I sensed that he had given up the fight.
In my heart of hearts I felt very different last week when I thought death had come knocking at my familyâs door again. I received a letter from my sisterâs social worker that her health was rapidly declining. She has a severe seizure disorder and lives in a facility for developmentally delayed adults in upstate New York. Needless to say the news was devastating. I live on the west coast with my daughter who is a sophomore in High School. When I phoned and spoke with my sisterâs doctor, I began to ready myself for the inevitable. Everything felt juxtaposed. The last time I visited Lois, she was healthy, alert, and stableâ¦For some reason I immediately flashed back to a time many years ago when in order to control the continuous brain seizing she was having, they gave my sister large doses of medicine which caused her to become non responsiveâ¦I asked the doctor if it was possible that Lois was being over medicated again. It was the first thought that popped into my mind. It was the only clear thought I had through twenty four hours of uncertaintyâ¦I decided to wait out the night before making arrangements to travel east. In the meantime I spoke with my sisterâs former social worker whom I know and trust, to specify my wishes in the event that Lois died. The following morning we spoke again and she gave me the hospitalâs phone number. I was connected to the floor nurse and asked about my sisterâs condition. âYour sister is improving. She ate all her breakfast and is alertâ. âSo, sheâs not dying?â I asked. The nurse paused before answering. She seemed confused by my question. âThe last thing I heard was she was unconscious and failingâ I said. The nurse understood. âYour sister was on a medication called Depokate which created high levels of ammonia in her system. The elevated ammonia level caused toxemia, which made her non responsive. She has been taken off Depakote and is receiving treatment for the toxemia and she is taking new medication for her seizures. She has not had a seizure sinceâ¦
I found the lyrics to Bob Dylanâs song âTrust Yourselfâ. I have included the first two stanzas which seem fitting to end this post withâ¦
Trust yourself to do the things that only you know best
Trust yourself to do whatâs right and not be second-guessed
Donât trust me to show you beauty
When beauty may only turn to rust
If you need somebody you can trust, trust yourself
Trust yourself to know the way that will prove true in the end
Trust yourself to find the path where there is no if and when
Donât trust me to show you the truth
When the truth may only be ashes and dust
If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself
âFine-tuning your intuition safeguards your future and opens doors to the extraordinaryâ. Stephanie Rachel Alt, MS
Stephanie Rachel Alt, holds a Masters degree in Counseling/Human Development from Bank Street College of Education, New York, NY. She is also Master Certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (N.L.P.) and hypnosis.
Stephanie Alt, MS, Of 2 Minds Services Drawing from her training in both classic and modern day approaches, such as Jungian psychology, Family Systems, and N.L.P. (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) a behavioral approach to communication and change, Stephanieâs dedication and passion focuses on teaching her clients to use âintuitive intelligenceâ, logic and reason, in daily life and decision making. Recently, Stephanie created âOf 2 Mindsâ Coaching and Consulting services, to offer these services; intuitive readings, intuitive coaching, conscious communication and NLP techniques in online sessions.
While on the east coast, Stephanie maintained a private practice, and worked for fifteen years in Social Services, Health and Mental Health facilities. In 1986 she moved to central California to collaborate with the co-founders of Neuro-Linguistic Programming in the publication of a casebook titled, Leaves Before the Wind (Metamorphosis Press). Stephanie is a contributing author presenting five unique cases using N.L.P. applications.
Stephanieâs work experience includes leading N.L.P. Training seminars, for NLP Co-founders, John Grinder, and Judith Delozier.
She currently resides on the Central Coast, in California, where she maintains an office. Working with individuals, couples, families, and groups you can consult with Stephanie in person or conveniently by phone and online. Feel free her at: Stephanie@of2minds.com/ or visit her website http://www.of2minds.com/