I just finished watching a video of Julia Butterfly speaking about her life's journey and awakening to love. I assume many of you who are reading this know of her and maybe have even heard her speak. She was for me profoundly inspirational but not in the usual way. She invited her audience to take a look at their own lives and to see what they were passionate about and to discover how they, how I could play bigger than we/I am currently doing. This phrase "make a difference in the world" has been used since the EST days and yes it is not new to me, but tonight I am taking another look at that question. I am also changing the question and asking myself what difference am I making in the world right now?

Julia spoke about what sitting up in a 1000 year old redwood tree for 2 years and 8 days did to change her life. How being thrown into a closet in a prison in Ecuador changed her life. She spoke of how it actually taught her how to let go of her mind and accept what was happening fully and completely without judging it or resisting it, to see that her mind was a worse prison than the actual prison she was in, and how it set her free. She spoke of how all the experiences of her life and how being who she is gave her the abilities to survive in that tree, and the one thing she did that was different was shift her focus from the personal story to a bigger cause, to one of loving the earth and the world and the redwood trees so much that she could sit in a tree for 2 years to take a stand for not only the old growth redwoods but for all of us living here on this magnificent planet. She said that if she had known what was in store for her she would never have sat in that tree.

So what motivated her, what gave her the courage to take the action she did? Was it that she choose to put her focus on something bigger than herself?

I have never done anything that has come close to what Julia has done. I have not put my life on the line for something that I believe passionately about nor have I suffered for something I felt was an injustice in the world. For the most part I have lived a pretty self involved life. One that is neither great nor without merit just a rather limited small life. There have been times or periods where I have given more of myself to an organization or to other people but for the past 25 years not even my commitment to an organization or my spiritual path has taken my focus off myself. It is not that I am any more self involved than anyone else it is just that I have allowed my commitment to my story to be greater than my commitment to my greatness.

Maryanne Williamson said it all in her famous quote,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

How many times have you stopped yourself from being truly great in your life? From playing really big?

So here I sit writing and reflecting right now on what do I need to shift in order for me to feel that I am making a difference? How can I shift my focus and to what would I shift it too in order to actually begin to play in a bigger way? How can I begin to feel passionate about each day as Julia does, and know that I am committed to something greater than myself? I know I have prayed to the divine to show me how I can be of service and yet most days I don't think I am being in service to anyone else but myself.

I wonder what would it feel like to wake up each morning feeling passionate about making a difference. My days at times seem to be caught up in just making a living and trying to move my dreams forward. I don't seem to have much time to actually make much of a contribution to the world. I often have thought about volunteering somewhere and yet I haven't. I tell myself that I can't because I need to do this or that and have no time to just volunteer. I know that making a difference doesn't always have to look life altering and that even a smile to someone on the street can be huge.

But I am wondering how I can right now shift my focus as Julia did, from the so very boring and small world of me, to the larger world of we and us. What will it take for me to allow myself to live a bigger life the life I long to live and to serve love love which is not an emotion but the fabric of life itself.

Maybe the answer I am seeking as well you might be, is simply to accept and love all of who I am and make peace with that. Then I can create a context for my life that is bigger than myself, that would take me out of what I need to do to survive or to express myself, and allow me to begin giving all in service to love.

I know that there have been times that I have felt that feeling of just being in the moment and listening to the stillness of the universe, and in those moments of complete oneness where no thought dare enter, I have experienced the peace I have longed for. I know that I have and do make a difference each time I give counsel to a friend in need but these things although helpful and caring are still not serving a bigger focus or are they?

I feel that I have allowed myself to create a cocoon that insulates me from the suffering of the world here in my little house in Santa Rosa. I rarely ever watch the news or read a paper. Somehow I feel safer or maybe just that I can barely deal with my own life and have no band width for the worlds woes. But Julia who is really no different from me or you, has allowed herself to feel her love for the world, for the earth, for life itself. She stopped numbing herself with drugs and alcohol and started loving all of who she was and letting her true authentic self serve the world. She allowed her self to focus on a bigger vision something that included all of us and began to live each day in service to that.

I too am feeling ready to do that and know that even though I have prayed for my own heart to open and to love, love, love both the good and the bad, I don't always allow myself to feel the pain of the world too often. When I have allowed myself to feel the depth of my love for this planet or for the animals and for the air, I have felt such pain. sadness and anger at mankind that it overwhelms me and so I shut it off so I can function. But what if I just allowed myself to feel the pain and to actually open my heart to compassion for myself and all of us who have created the world this way. What if I did as Julia has done and shifted my anger and judgment to compassion and love.

I know that listening to Julia speak has certainly given me much to think about as I hope this blog will you, and hopefully it will help me and you to discover for ourselves how we can live a life that reflects the bigness of who we really are.

Author's Bio: 

Luminessa Enjara writes for the Examiner.com, E-zine Articles and her own blogs. She is the founder of the School of Womyn's Mysteries, a mystery school that explores the power and mystery of a woman's body. She is also a gifted Akashic Record reader, a spiritual mentor/coach and offers consultations by phone as well as on-going support programs. Luminessa is a dynamic and inspirational speaker, a teacher and an amazing guide for self-awareness and transformation. She is also teaches Tantra and has coached both singles and couples throughout the Bay Area.