The purpose of communication is so individuals can freely share their ideas, feelings, thoughts, and needs with one another as a means of better understanding themselves and the situation at hand. However it can present a unique set of challenges for several reasons: 1) As children we are not typically taught how to communicate - we are taught to talk, big difference. 2) Everyone has their unique style and level of speaking that is comfortable for them yet may be challenging for others to relate to. 3) We speak differently to our families than those we work with, our friends, or strangers. Being masterful in one area does not necessarily translate to others.
Inspired communication differs from the norm in that it is based on Biblical teachings. "In-spire"- in spirit. Inspired communication emanates from a place of spirit, expressing love, kindness, and concern for all parties. Ego-centered communication, which is most commonly practiced, concerns itself with the self first and foremost. When others don't feel valued or validated the entire process breaks down. The inability to clearly express oneself coupled with the failure to fully understand the other party's position can be exacerbating. Frustration, a root cause of anger, causes tempers to flare and converts a simple conversation into a heated argument.
However, choosing to speak from a Scriptural perspective offers a much more respectful and fruitful interaction. While most people support being honest with one another, too often they fail to take into consideration the other person's feelings when doing so. Listen to what James has to say in Chapter 1: 26 "If you think you are being religious (spiritual) but cannot control your tongue you are fooling yourself and everything you do is useless." Whatever comes to mind, no matter how hurtful or rude it may be, people feel justified in saying it and then try to validate their hurtful verbiage with such statements as "If you can't handle the truth oh well. That's not my problem. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything." Some mistakenly believe they are providing a valuable service by speaking bluntly. In Psalms 17:3 "I have made up my mind never to lie." Being truthful is admirable but be kind as well.
Consider what the Bible recommends when speaking with others. From Ephesians 4: 29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." "Only what is helpful for building up others": helpful, thoughtful, intended to raise one up to a higher level, not belittle them. This can only be accomplished when one excludes ego from the conversation and chooses a spirit-based response.
From Psalms 141:3 "Help me to guard my words whenever I say something." There are multiple ways to express the same thought. "You're a lazy worthless piece of garbage" can be more thoughtfully expressed by saying "I don't feel you are working up to your full potential and that's not ok."
Before expressing yourself ask this question to gauge if your anticipated commentary is the best choice: "Would I say this to God?" If the answer is no, then rephrase your remarks. For in fact, you are speaking to an extension of God, one who is expressed in human form.
Being an inspired communicator isn't difficult. In fact, in the long run it is the easiest and most efficient method for there are no hurt feelings, offended people, damaged relationships, or harmful consequences. Therefore, whenever you speak, let every word spoken be tempered with Love.
Psalms 141:3: “Help me to guard my words whenever I say something.”
Psalms 140:3: “Their words bite deep like poison on the fangs of a snake.”
Proverbs 21:23: “Watching what you say can save you a lot of trouble.”
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Janet Pfeiffer, international inspirational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and many others. She’s been a guest on over 100 top radio shows (including Fox News Radio), is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.Anger911.net and Between You and God (iHeartRadio.com).
Janet's spoken at the United Nations, Notre Dame University, was a keynote speaker for the YWCA National Week Without Violence Campaign, and is a past board member for the World Addiction Foundation.
She's a former columnist for the Daily Record and contributing writer to Woman’s World Magazine, Living Solo, Prime Woman Magazine, and N.J. Family. Her name has appeared in print more than 100 million times, including The Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, Alaska Business Monthly and more than 50 other publications.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service, and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is N.J. State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women's shelter, and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in healing anger and conflict and creating inner peace and writes a weekly blog and bi-monthly newsletter.
Janet has authored 8 books, including the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger (endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel).
Read what Marci Shimoff, New York Times bestselling author, says of Janet's latest book, The Great Truth; Shattering Life's Most Insidious Lies That Sabotage Your Happiness Along With the Revelation of Life's Sole Purpose:
"Janet dispels the lies and misconceptions many people have lived by and outlines a practical path to an extraordinary life beyond suffering. Written with honesty, clarity, sincerity, and humor, this book serves as a wonderful guide for anyone seeking a more enriching and fulfilling life.”
Dr. Bernie Siegel says, "All books of wisdom are meant to be read more than once. The Great Truth is one such book."