My editor Brenda who helped me edit my book out of her gratitude for the advice I have given him in the past dealing with her own emotionally unavailable man, told everyone how profoundly transformational my book is. She thinks this book is an excellent rebuttal that every woman should read to that overly popular book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

That line "he's just not that into you" has been outplayed to the detriment of many women in the form of skewed expectations of what being into really means.

Let me explain further.

But first of all, here's my finding about masculine-energy men that might sooth you: their default setting is usually "not ready for relationship." So when you hear that from the man you are dating and really like, don't panic and don't be so ready to just run off.

He's just making sure that you understand that he's not jumping to anything serious anytime soon. Of course there are men who will just tell you from the get go that they are ready for relationship and are actively seeking one. Just don't expect it. It's more an exception than the norm.

The more alpha a man is (the more masculine he is), the more he will cling to his freedom and the less he's inclined to want a relationship right away. It's a big deal for him.

It's also about his attachment styles. The more anxious he is, the more likely he will pursue you hard and lock you down early. But the more an avoidant he is -and many men in the market belong to this category- the more he's detached and the less likely he wants anything serious soon.

I know What You Think:  Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Is He Just Not That Into You?

That's part of the whys I wrote my book and so far the response from readers has been overwhelmingly positive. My book teaches you not to just deal with emotionally unavailable men -perceived or real- but also how to CONNECT WITH A MAN ON THE MOST PRIMAL LEVEL. This point is important because once you get this, you'll know how to deal with ANY man.

Ok now we're going to delve deeper into this.

Most of my clients, as you will surmise, are not really happy in their current "arrangement." It is too good to leave, yet too bad to stay. They are trapped. My method as presented in the book teaches them to embrace whatever feelings arise within them and let themselves process them day to day. Different days bring different outcomes/ effects and they just need to observe them.

The idea is after all expectations are removed you'll find your truth sometimes soon. And the good news is you are not judging yourself or him. You are giving yourself a chance to process everything and honor whatever stage you are on in the knowledge that things will right themselves one way or another. You are not forcing yourself or this relationship to be something you are not or it is not at the very moment.

You either accept "what is" or you are turned off by "what is." Either will work for you. Either comes from self-love and self-discovery. It's a win-win for you.

But many women never allow the relationship to progress naturally in its own time because they think connection and commitment can be rushed.

And then you have this "he's just not into you" gang who keeps spilling poison into their mind and in time over to their relationship. They are being told "if he's really that into you he will do everything to make you happy, he'll move mountains for you."

Trust me, if a guy is pursuing you, he's into you. Just because he doesn't give all you want all at once, it doesn't mean that he's bad, not into you, commitment phobic, etc. Guys have their own sets of expectations as well. And one of them is if a woman is truly into them she won't make them jump through hoops.

You see how the two collide?

Answer These 7 Questions To Find Out If He Really Loves You

One example of this is how women have expectations regarding anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's and Holidays. Especially these days (Holiday season) are high time for drama, aren't they? Will he invite me to spend Holidays with him or not?

Here's my take on this: in the beginning (say it is your first Holiday since you've been dating), you can do without all those expectations. So many women are so bent out of shape over this. Save yourself some unnecessary drama, tension and disappointment. Men have their own reasons why they are not ready to include you in certain areas in their life. Those days will come if you just drop the expectations.

But if you follow the "he's just not that into you" philosophy, you will freak out. You might act resentful or needy and it won't help him wanting to be closer to you and give you what you truly want. So instead of overthinking things, what about allowing him to step up when he's ready by ceasing ALL the nagging?

I know it's hard. That's why you need to read my book to really start changing the way you think because that's the only way of getting out of this self-sabotaging predicament.

Click below to really change your brain and your life starting TODAY and make yourself an irresistible man magnet.

He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready - The Ultimate Guide to Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men Or Guys Who Want to Take It Slow

Please also like my fan page and join the discussion and my daily posts on relationship and emotionally unavailable men there.

Author's Bio: 

This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subject or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.

Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.