When children come, make sure your husband’s wife doesn’t leave. Don’t ever let your love for your child overshadow your love for your husband. Make sure that, once you become a mother, you don’t forget you were a wife first and still are. Be his warm and always-willing woman. He should never lack your affection, companionship, or intimacies.
Make sure you never put your husband in the uncomfortable position of competing for your attention, love, or affection—especially in the horrid position of competing for you against his own children. The day our first baby is born, it is up to us to make sure that it is not also the death of our husband’s lover. I am speaking of more here than just intimate matters, although I am most specifically referring to that also. Love, affection, and just desiring to be with him are also vital needs of your husband. Keep each of these filled and he will not stray far from his first love.
Not only do most women lessen their definition of “acceptable” as far as attire is concerned after a baby is born, many of us also lessen up on trying to keep him. I guess we think we are married and secure, so now we don’t have to worry about trying to keep him since we’ve already got him. The truth of the matter is that once we got ‘em we still need to work on keeping ‘em.
Don’t let your wedding day be the end of trying to dress or fix yourself up in a way that makes him proud. Before we were married, we paid more attention to what we wore and how we looked. He still appreciates your taking the same care after you are his wife. Remember how you feel when you know he thinks you look nice. Aim for that mark.
I know that there is at least one of you who think that if you’re never intimate with your husband again you won’t really care. You don’t want or need it, and you might even think something is wrong with you. I went through a time like this and I’m sure someone else here has, too. Let’s talk about this for a minute. If this is you, first of all, let go of the guilt and shame. It is okay to feel this way. What might not be okay is how you deal with it.
So what do you do? Remember that fire analogy? That’s what you do. You do it anyway. You might surprise yourself and find that you want to after all. Remember, oftentimes desire follows instead of precedes obedience. Intimacy with your husband is required of you by God. Obedience just might light your fire. The other thing that might happen is that you might find if you are honest with your husband and share your frustration that it will be fun to get you through it.
In 1997 Lorrie began publishing the award-winning magazine for homemakers, formerly TEACH, now called Eternal Encouragement. Today Lorrie is the author of way too many books and a speaker known for making you laugh with life-changing godly wisdom. She has a zany fun-filled heart who desires more than anything else to look more like Jesus and be used by the King in the lives of mothers, speaking words of encouragement, exhortation, how-to’s, and real-life help for moms.