Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
My name is Mark. I'm 27 years old and I've read your Dating Dictionary. I live in a rural Christian Homeschooling community - which is kind of like an Amish community, except we like to drink and smoke cigars.
The families here practice "Christian Courtship" which is basically the old fashioned way. If you are interested in the girl, you have to get her father's blessing before you show your interest openly.
The girl I'm interested in is my neighbor, Jessica. Her dad is an elder in the church, and she looks up to him tremendously. Last year, before I bought your program, I chased after her and got the cold shoulder. I backed off and looked elsewhere for a while, but now I think she's interested in me again. She makes a lot of eye contact, smiles, laughs a lot, and has a generally open body posture toward me. Also, the last two times I saw her, she spontaneously hugged me. She hasn't done this ever since I can remember. And while in a van during a church field trip, I caught her looking at me through the rear view mirror several times.
But the most promising sign came one night when I baby-sat her little twin sisters. Before she left that evening, Jessica told me she left candy for the kids in her room on her dresser. When I went in there, I saw a romantic photo of her mom and dad kissing at a wedding, some stuff with hearts on them, and to my surprise - a poem that I had written and framed for Valentine's Day a year ago. Was she trying to tell me something, Doc?
There is one negative sign, though. Whenever I initiate a conversation with her at church, she keeps it short and leaves quickly. I have usually taken this as negative, but I also suspect that she is very wary about gossip and doesn't want to appear interested in public - am I just rationalizing? The Bottom Line is: she's not real friendly at church, but she's much friendlier everywhere else, especially at her home. So what's her true Interest Level?
In a couple of months, there will be a Harvest Ball, which is a very classy formal dance. Is there a way to apply challenge while at the ball?
How do I create challenge in a situation that isn't really dating, since I can't be openly romantic? I have to get her Interest Level up to 80% or higher before I go to her dad, otherwise, he'll just say, "She's not interested" - and that will be the end of it.
I thank you for your input.
Mark - who is old fashioned
Congratulations! You did two things right. First, you went after an old-fashioned farm girl. These girls see cows born and shovel manure - in other words: they are taught to work and to carry their own weight. Second - and more important - you read her Interest Level correctly. I usually beat up the guys in my articles for being too subjective, but so far, Mark, you've been right on the money with your observations.
When a woman is interested in a guy, she cannot just walk up to him and say: "I'm interested in you." Why not? Because there would be no game playing involved - and where's the fun in that? So, what does she do instead? Whatever it takes to make you make the first move. Most people call these actions "flirting" - I call them "Buying Signals." Mark, your girl's Buying Signals are very promising. Let's take a look.
First, she makes eye contact and smiles. This is just the opposite of what a girl does when she couldn't care less about a guy (which is most of the time). On top of this, she's laughing at your crummy jokes. This puts her Interest Level at 80%.
On the subject of hugs, there is an old Chinese adage that says, "Woman who like man, find excuse to touch, Grasshopper!" Most women are not touchers, so a hug is a big deal. The only question you have to ask is: "Does she do this with the other farm boys?" If she does, then she's the type of woman who touches everybody - which is not a sign of high Interest Level. Let's assume your girl isn't just being friendly - let's add another two points. Now her IL is up to 82%.
So, you caught her looking at you when your head was turned, huh? This is a very strong sign. Don't bust her on her rubbernecking - instead, just act oblivious to the staring and count how many times she does it again. Add another three points for this one - she now has 85% IL.
Finally: her saving your poem is one thing - but your girl didn't even care if you found out about it! She was trying to tell you something all right, namely: "Add another five points to her Interest Level!" This gives Miss Right a grand total of 90% IL.
Now, a lot of other love doctors would say her abruptness at church shows low Interest Level. I say it shows the opposite.
Merely talking to you in church would be no big deal if she had low Interest Level, but with high IL, it could be considered flirting. Your girl knows that flirting in church is a big no-no, so she cuts her conversations short. In other words, Mark: she has class and high IL.
Your chances of success with this woman are very high. My job is to coach you to keep that number high.
Mark, the key to your girl's heart is Challenge, so start being a Challenge by not looking in your girl's direction while you are at Church. You can continue to come by her house, but only do it on the days and times when she's not there, and do it half as much (The idea here is to drive her nuts!). Last: go to the ball and dance one dance with every woman who is a killer. Do this until Miss Right finally says: "May I have this dance?"
Whatever you do, do not come on heavy with her. Instead, kid and tease her and see if she blushes. Love is playful, not serious. Guys who get serious are guys who get rejected.
Guys, e-mail me at email@example.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
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Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"