Men have a love-hate relationship with their mothers. They love their moms to death, yet they loath the feeling of being mothered (i.e. being told what to do/not to do). Now they are adults and live on their own, they don't need another woman -and much younger at that- replacing their mother's role. That is one of the main reasons why many men are gun shy about relationship. They don't want someone to check in with every time they do something. It's an obligation that hampers with their freedom that they hold sacred.
On top of that, men have learnt the hard way that it is hard to make a woman happy. Women always want and ask for more. The more she gets, the more she wants from him.
She wants the "I Love You" and once it is spoken it's like opening a can of worms: more expectations and demands are on its way. Now she wants the title. Then she wants the ring, commitment, marriage, kids, etc...etc... This is why many guys are so reluctant declaring anything. Not because they don't care or aren't into you but because they know things go downhill once a relationship is labeled. It's a point of no return. They can't keep up with our demands.
Hence, they often say they want to take it slow. Sounds familiar, right?
Guys' needs are simple. To them actions define everything. And they are content living in the moment. They don't need to label the relationship and think where it is going. It's going great if it is great now. They'd rather live the relationship than talking about it.
We, on the other hand, want it ALL and we want it NOW. We want the romance now and we want the assurance about the future. We tend to put the carriage before the horse and we want to guide the relationship while being "caught" at the same time. Unfortunately if you want to be courted, you can't be the one who leads. He does.
To keep a man -i.e. to keep herself sane and grounded- a woman should learn to revel more in her own freedom as he does. When she does she'll no longer feel so threatened by men's natural instinct to preserve their freedom and when that happens freedom won't matter so much for him as losing her.
And seriously, this is vital and this is the weak point of so many women: keep your expectations to bare minimum but stick to your deal breakers. How do you distinguish the two? One of my deal breakers is sexual incompatibility. Him wearing matching socks at all time should be treated as an expectation ("should") that you can do without.
There is no need to have a shopping list of ideal expectations. The more modest your expectations are the easier it is for him to make you happy and guys love women whom they can make happy. The ones who always whine and complain because he never does quite right/enough, will soon lose his attraction and affection for them. Men are sensitive to drama and they'll soon give up once they have decided you are too hard to please, no matter how good looking you are.
Now, if you suspect the man you're dating is somewhat cautious but you find yourself drawn to him, click the link below:
To wrap this up, I thought you wanted to know this: a colleague of mine who is a nationally acclaimed dating coach recently put together a controversial video in which he explains the REAL reason men lie to women they love . . . why men CHEAT on women . . . why men don’t communicate . . . and many of the other questions that drive women crazy about men and make it impossible for women to have the relationships they want.
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.