Anger is a normal part of life. However, if it gets out of control, it can really damage your family, your work, the people around you, and your lifestyle. If you are easily irritated and get angry over minor problems, it is important to learn how to curb the excessive energy that this emotion creates.
Anger is best curbed if it is better understood. The first step to better understanding this emotion is to recognize the different types of anger and how they are expressed. By knowing how you express angry feelings, you will be more cognizant of when you are about to lose control. Having this early warning sign will improve your ability to step in at the right moment and keep yourself from becoming fumingly enraged.
To get started, listed below are the various types of anger and a short description of how they are expressed. Following the list are key anger management techniques and anger management tips to help you improve how you express these emotions.
Behavioral - Behavioral anger has a very physical component to it, where the anger causes you to physically take action in some way shape or form. Sometimes, there is a desire to physically attack the subject causing the enraged feelings, usually a person. It is expressed through trouble-making, physical attack, and defiance.
Verbal - Verbal anger is delivered less through physical action, and more through words. It is expressed mostly by hurling insulting comments and hurtful criticism. Swearing or yelling profanity at someone, putting them down, or belittling their abilities as a person are all ways in which verbal anger is expressed.
Passive - Where behavioral and verbal angers are directly expressed, either through action or words, a passively angry person tends not to confront and directly express their anger. Passively angry people tend to hold in their fury, usually because they think expressing anger is wrong or they are too afraid to directly express their feelings.
Although passively angry people do not display their anger outright, it still gets expressed, either through the silent treatment, through sarcasm that has a malevolent undertone, or by avoiding the person or situation creating the feeling. Passively angry people are very good at devising covert ways of expressing their feelings without having to confront the person or situation.
Self-inflicted - This is a form of behavioral anger where the person's action is directed toward his or her own self. It combines two deadly emotions, anger and low self-esteem. Due to a lack of a healthy self-esteem, when angry feelings arise in these individuals, they express it by being hard on themselves. A lot of them will discipline themselves in different ways. Sometimes they will punish themselves from having fun, starving themselves, or in extreme cases, some will express their anger by physically hurting themselves.
These are some of the more common ways people express anger. It is important to understand how you express your irate feelings, because no matter how you express them, they still inflict damage - whether to you, to others, or to both.
So if you have issues dealing with anger, a good way to learn how to handle anger is to observe yourself when you get irritated, frustrated, or downright mad over the next few weeks, and write down how those feelings get expressed. Do you physically do something, verbally say something, actively ignore yet passively express it in some way, are you hard on yourself about it, or is it a combination of some or all of these things.
- If you physically act out, figure out ways to restrain yourself. Try deep breathing or counting; count to 10, 20, 30 or up to however high of a number until you calm yourself down. A healthy way to express behavioral anger is with exercise; you might go for a run, lift some weights, it could even be as simple as getting a breath of fresh air by going outside for a walk. Personally, I like boxing. There is nothing more liberating than hitting a punching bag or speed bag for a ½ hour to release all trace of angry feelings from your system.
- If you have a habit of going on a verbal rampage, learn to bite your tongue. Walk away from the person you want to verbally chastise. One of the more effective anger management techniques is to use positive self-talk to neutralize the negative talk that wants to come out. You can self talk statements like "I am calm and relaxed," "the harsh feelings I have toward this person is a result of me being worked up and not something he or she has done," "these worked up feelings have no place in my life and I am releasing them from my mind and body."
- If you passively express your discontent in sly, underhanded ways, practice ways on being more direct with people and situations. But you don't need to be too direct; it is possible to manage a situation without being behaviorally or verbally abusive. The key here is about assertive communication skills - learning how to be assertive while leaving the aggression at home.
- Lastly, if you take harsh action against yourself when you are angry, you really need to work on developing self respect, sense of self-worth, confidence, and everything that ties into a healthy self-esteem. Otherwise, your mind will never stop finding reasons for why you should be hard on yourself. Positive self-talk will work great here as well. You can repeat the following messages to yourself on a regular basis such as "I like myself," "I am a worthy person," and "I am confident and have a strong sense of self-esteem." Repeating these statements each and every day and as often as possible will indisputably raise your self-esteem.
So here are some powerful anger management tips and anger management techniques to help you understand the different ways people expresses their mad, enraged feelings and things you can do to manage them better.
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