My first Day on earth, totally at the mercy of my mother, a beautiful person who loved and nurtured me. Everything I needed to develop my body and mind, she has provided. Now the cord is cut and I already feel a sense of freedom and adventure, an enthusiasm and anticipation for life.

Cradled in my mother’s arms, she is gentle, she feeds me, another new experience after taking my first breath. Everything about me seems to work and I am taken home, where I will live with my parents, to experience life and grow toward my potential.

Life is good there is plenty of food, and people who are gentle and kind toward me, I love this life it is all I thought it would be before I got here. Time passes, I am growing in strength and body, these arms and legs, which at first I had difficulty controlling, are now doing as they are told and they allow me to experience new and exciting things. I love to see my mother’s smiles and hand claps when I achieve something new. I can feel her love and I want to give it back by trying harder and doing more.

Wow, these legs are really good and I can see so much from up here. There is so much to look at and to touch, I want to see, feel and taste everything, so why is mum saying “No, don’t touch that.” Or “Leave that alone.” How am I supposed to learn if I don’t touch and try? “Oh that’s better, she has given me something that is bright and colourful and feels really good, I wonder what it tastes like?
I am a toddler of two years old, I am learning that if I want to grow and learn, I will need to be strong and persistent, to use many of the attributes I have to get what I want. Crying and throwing myself about seems to work well, especially when we are out or in company, my mum seems very quick to let me have what I want. I sense her unhappiness and worry about others.

My mother feels the need to give me lots of things, all I need is love, for her to play with me, help me to learn the things I need to know in this world. There are many distractions to take her attention from me and I wait or do something that attracts her attention, usually something I shouldn’t be doing because it attracts her. Being good brings smiles and she lets me get on with it, the only thing I can do to get attention are things that I shouldn’t do. Time passes and I get older, there is so much to learn, I want to learn, I just need help from my mother, who seems to spend a lot of time shouting at me, or talking to her friends.

There is this box in the room, it has pictures on it, it is fascinating. I keep trying to understand how people get in the box. My mum seems to know what is happening to the people and their lives; I hear her talking about them to her friends. I wish I was in this box and she talked about me to her friends, I wish she knew what I was thinking and feeling like she does the people in the box.
I want to do lots of things in my life, but mum tells me I shouldn’t do this or that, she tells me to be careful in case I hurt myself. I can get so frustrated when I want something and mum won’t let me have it or do it, doesn’t she want me to be clever and good. It seems that I can only get what I want when I scream and shout for it, so that’s what I do, it seems to upset my mum and she gets cross with me.

I don’t like my mum being cross, so I don’t try as hard to learn some things that I would like to know. It is easier to go with how my mum feels and to live up to her expectations even if they are not as high as I would like to go. Now that I am older and ready to start school I am afraid, because I am not sure what I will be allowed to do, how far I will be allowed to go, I had better sit back and not do anything that could get me into trouble because I know mum would not like that.
I hear the teacher tell my mum ‘I could do better at school’ she says ‘I don’t try my best’. I know I am not doing my best, but when I do that I get into trouble, or told not to do that because I might hurt myself or someone else. I don’t want to be trouble, I don’t like it when people get mad with me, or talk about me as if I am nobody and have no feelings. I do have feelings, I have had feelings from the minute I was born, and those feelings ensure that the things I see and hear become the beliefs that guide my life and my destiny.

I am getting older, and find life frustrating sometimes, not sure what I want out of life, or direction to follow, I feel stirrings of dreams from long ago but fear I have learned as a child stops me from trying to do what is inside of me. There are people who are calling me one way and others call me another way, I feel torn inside and that only makes me more frustrated. I just want to feel the joy of living; instead I feel the stress of trying to please first one person and then the next.

Mum I am a person, I am somebody, I want is to be loved and to love back. I want to live the way I feel inside of me, to use my imagination to dream of things I was born to do, to be the person I was born to be, to have the life I was born to have. Mother I love you; you are the most important person in my life, help me to be who really am.

Author's Bio: 

A coal miners daughter whose first pivotal experience at age nine, felt a total failure as a child, my second pivotal experience that turned my life was at age 35 when I felt a total failure as a mother. A mother of six children at the time started my journey toward self belief and high self worth. I believe a mother has a greatest impact on her child's life. It is my mission to lift and inspire mothers to know how important they are to the society they live in.