Moving 4ward

Recently, some friends are hanging around confiding to me issues about break ups, make ups, and some were asking if their relationship is worth pursuing. I came to a point doubting myself if I were in the position to handle their ques and give them advise since I had just gone through a major turning point in my life which I have already acknowledged as part of my uniqueness. And yes, that thought made me say to myself "I am worthy and I am good enough.." Why not??! I have been there and done that! I am in better position to help. That thought empowered me. Immediately, I was able to answer their concerns based on the mistakes that could have been or will still be considerable to correct. What I have found out on this process was, yes, it is really possible to let go and move on with love. Like me and my friends, you may find yourself in some of these situations. Here are some signs and symptoms to check if you are suffering a broken heart:

- You keep on finding out what went wrong.

- Repeating pieces of your last, last conversation. Over and over again. Even if you talk with the same set of people, you still say the same old story.

- You tend to associate everything around you that will keep you reminded of him/her like the chair he/she used to sit every time he/she goes in your house or the television show you both like to watch together or something like that.

- Your self esteem is below sea level :-)

- You are in so much pain that you don't want to see him/her anymore.

- You get surprised and felt betrayed when you checked his/her facebook account with a change of status, a profile picture, and even the cover photo with another person that they SEEMED perfectly happy. As a result of your action, you tend to lament thinking that it was supposed to you in it.

- You felt paralyzed as if you can't be able to move from where he/she had left you.

Sounds familiar? If it does, well, this one will give you a jump start. All we need to start with is an OPEN MIND. As you read along, give yourself a chance to consider that IMPERMANENCE could happen.

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future." - Lewis B. Smedes

positively moving on

-DONT PLAY THE VICTIM ROLE. Painful as it may seem, consider the love you have received when you were together. Chances are, the other person is going through something just like you. I remember my friend's advice, Alfred once told me that the other person has his own side of injustices just like you. So stop putting the blame to any of you.

- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. At this moment, you are most likely to be vulnerable. Every negative feedback about the situation gives a heart break for yourself. People tend to practice compassion by feeling sorry for the situation one could have been into by making you feel like you were a victim. And then you will cry a lot and feel sorry for yourself. STOP THE DRAMA by asking support from your friends and family that can trigger the memory over and over. You may ask them to practice positive script towards your communication every time you tend to open the story. By telling them to cut you and respond in the manner that you would want to tell yourself like "I just remember we are here to talk about the plans for our Saturday night out.." You may find it a little harsh but in the long run, you minimize the occurrence of your story. Remember, it doesn't happen overnight but with consistency and proper support group, you will see yourself back faster than you thought.

- GRIEVE. You have been hearing a lot of this, right? Even I did the same. And it is handy. As you go through this process of grieving, it is not the person that you would grieve about. It is the relationship. Putting it the other way it is like a ritual of acceptance that something you value is over. Go through the process. You can DENY that it is still repairable but you can consider thinking you might both needed a break. You can get ANGRY with the situation but NOT with the person and most importantly, not with yourself. Other people go through BARGAINING like trying to reconcile and promising that it will work this time but consider thinking that it is not you, it is your ego doing that as your way of coping of trying to manipulate the situation with your fixation to the person. Putting it the other way, having this kind of mentality is no longer healthy for both of you. By not getting what you want, you will then go through a state of DEPRESSION. Depression can be lessened if you cry and cry, and cry a lot. crying is a form of cleansing. By crying you release your aguish and your hatred. Again, you need to get support from people who can channel your energy into positive manner so you can ACCEPT the reality and move forward.

- RE-VALUE YOURSELF. Give yourself sometime to replenish and nourish your soul by doing something you can find your worth. We are gifted in different manners. That is how wonderful the universe and the Divine Source that we serve. They gave us variety to help each other. If until this time you haven't seen where you are intended to be, going into some meditation classes will be a big help as you were re establishing your sense of balance. If it will be so much for you, you can do meditation alternatively by having free meditation apps which are available in PDA phones.By being balanced, you develop a sense of creativity. Creativity is not just about arts and music. Creativity is how you see things and the way you express it. When we are depressed, we have a CREATIVITY BLOCKAGE. It is important that you find time regaining curiosity in rediscovering yourself to start gaining confidence and strengthen your spirit as well. As you start regaining your confidence, your self-doubt vanishes and you keep your spirit high as your self esteem rises.

- LET GO, LET GOD. Prayer is also another form of meditation. It is our way to connect with the Divine Source and to our Spiritual team. Whatever pain that you feel that you are going through, chances are, it is not love at all that you were manifesting and feeding yourself with at that moment. Because you see, love is a wonderful feeling. But before you reach that kind f feeling, you need to have FORGIVENESS. To forgive is to ACCEPT the mistakes you did to yourself and to others. Also, it means to let go of the wrongful situations brought to you by others including the beliefs that doesn't serve useful to your present and your future. Allow me to include this verse from the bible that we grew up hearing from our surrounding.

It says "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. You clearly see what is love supposed to be.

- LOVE YOURSELF. At first, I hardly understand what it means when I hear "learn to love yourself first before you can love others." I know I love myself. I know I am lovable and I know my worth. But when the turning point arrived, I hardly see the real me. After the major turning point that I had, I came to realize and got really curious about what loving oneself really means. You have to acknowledge your UNIQUENESS. One thing for sure is that I am now aware of identifying and taking hold of who I really am in ways I respond to situations. Because of lack of awareness then, I used to react aggressively out of confusion and ignorance. I didn't know where to start and what to fix. It really took a lot of time to process, and until now, I am honing my skills for the journey that I am in. The difference is that now, I'm able to see if I am aligned with my true self and try my very best not to let my ego come along the way. And if you get to love your true self, you will immediately know what loving really means. The pain subsides, and you automatically let love flourish.

- STOP COMPARING. Comparing is a no win situation. Again. COMPARING IS A NO WIN SITUATION. If you compare yourself/your situation to someone/something better with what you have, you will be ENVIOUS. On the other hand, if you compare yourself/your situation to someone/something less than with what you have, you will be BOASTFUL. My friend Alice, once reminded me when I felt envious about a certain situation. She told me not to compare. And at that same moment, I was enlightened and felt relieved immediately when I acknowledged the thought and the feeling that arise. I was able to correct and align my true self that prevented me from believing where my ego is leading my feelings. As for my gratitude, I sent her an SMS telling her she did a great job. That feeling directed me towards APPRECIATION.

- BE GRATEFUL. There maybe times that you will be feeling helpless about what just happened and felt that everything was taken away from you, here is the trick: learn to APPRECIATE of what was left after the crash. Make a good use out of it. You can start by appreciating your life. That you are alive and that you can still make something better. Appreciate your family, if you are not doing well with your family, you can appreciate your friends, and all other things that you still have. From there you can rebuild yourself to something better. You can decide on how you want to choose to define yourself.

Moving on is about you and no one else. To see it better, consider the situation as your "ME" time so you can build a better relationship with yourself. Take time to know yourself, rediscover yourself and strengthen your center by staying connected to your core, your TRUE SELF. That way, you will improve and stop falling at the same trap where your ego leads you whenever a fearful situation arises. As one of my favorite author, Evelyn Lim says "this is the time when you come to realize that you are strong enough to love yourself, without the need to rely on someone else to fulfill your needs for love." I personally take her word for that because it is true that when you open your heart that is the only chance you free the space for something or someone better to come along. It doesn't happen over night but when you are constantly practicing loving yourself, you can move on sooner than you thought.

One lesson I have learned the hard way is realizing this: We are connected in the web of life and every thought and action reverberates on that web affecting our reality. It took me so long to see what inner peace can bring me and how to attain one. I am aware that I love myself but I am not aware that I wasn't at peace with me then. During my "ME" time, I realized that when you love yourself enough, you are able to build a perfect relationship within your inner self and you, you let go of the ego and of the past hurts. Only then will you understand the real meaning of true love. Love is an energy. Energy vibrates and attracts the same energy. It makes a big difference when you learn to see how to take hold of yourself, no matter what. After all, if you believe that you have already met your soul mate, yet things went out of hand, consider having your "ME" time enjoyable. As you polish yourself and focus on what you have now, learn to understand that WHAT'S YOURS WILL COME TO YOU WITHOUT MUCH EFFORT. Don't lose hope. Love always hopes.

May love and beauty from inside out be with you all the time, too!