The college aged daughter of a close friend of mine recently asked her mom "my boyfriend wants to take a break, what does that mean?" Her daughter was confused, heart broken and a little angry and was looking for advice.
If you're in the same situation here are a few tips than can help you through this 'limbo' and allow you to come out the other side intact.
The first thing you have to face is the fact that 'a break' is often code for "I don't think I want to be with you anymore, but I'm not sure so I don't want to completely break up with you" Which put another way means I'm a coward and a little selfish.
I know that may sound harsh but basically when someone says they want to take a break it's all about them keeping their options open. And that is selfish no matter how you try to justify it.
It's virtually impossible to take a break and work on fixing the problems in your relationship at the same time. To fix the problems there generally has to be some conversation between the two of you. That's why a break usually isn't about fixing a relationship but more about easing out of one.
It also often, not always, means that they're interested in someone new but don't want to totally end it with you until they're sure the 'new thing' will work out.
If you're boyfriend says he wants to take a break do yourself a favor, don't cling. Don't beg him to tell you what's wrong or try to fix it. Whatever is going on he's shown you that he needs time and space to figure it out. Give him space, but don't put your life on hold while he makes up his mind.
It's very important that you keep living your life. Go out with friends, go to movies, shopping or whatever you enjoy doing. Don't sit around and wait for him to make up his mind whether or not he wants you. Just live.
And use this time to really work on your personal growth. Go on a retreat. Attend self-growth seminars and workshops. Learn to meditate. Or learn from experts on how to cultivate your feminine magnetism so there will never be another man who will be asking for a break from you.
You can also use the break as a chance to decide what you want. Do you want to stay in the relationship at all? Is it, and he, really worth it? Now is the time for some brutally honest soul searching. You might be surprised with some of the answers you come up with.
If he was getting sick of the relationship there's a strong chance you were too, but just didn't want to face it. This time off could be just the time you need to decide where you should go from here, with or without him.
So if the words "my boyfriend wants to take a break" have recently come out of your mouth just remember that there are two of you involved. Take this time to live your life, don't mope around, and take some time to decide if you really want to be with him after all.
And what most women perhaps don't realize is that men need MORE than
love...if they are ever to see you as "the one".
What more can he possibly need than love?
If he doesn't FEEL these certain things, EVEN IF he loves you a lot, he'll NEVER see himself with you for the long term. But listen, it's not really your fault.
This is likely the most important lesson about men you could ever learn.
I say that because I've known women who've hung on to a man for years -knowing he "loved her"- but devastated when he ends the relationship...
If she would've simply understood how he chooses his lifetime partner better...everything could have been very different...and YEARS saved...
And last but not least since the publication of my ebook, many women have reported how my principles turn their life around, including getting their exes back or inspiring the non-committal men to step up and claim/commit to them.
It is amazing how my "less is more" principles and tools make them far more attractive to men.
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.