Rebound relationship is a common occurrence during a breakup. My clients usually get terribly anxious when they find out that their exes are dating again or entering a new relationship. They want to know how to stop this or how their exes can do this, what that means, etc. They ask, "Does it mean they're over me?" Chill, folks. The answer is, very likely, no and the fact that they're seeing someone else can actually work in your favor as it serves as a clarity and as such it can even hasten the reconciliation process if you know how to handle yourself.
First of all, if your ex started jumping into a new relationship with someone immediately after the breakup or before they are completely healed, then they're most likely in a rebound relationship. A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our recent breakup. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives IF we think that it's not just a transitional relationship. Many people will jump back into the dating scene, which is fine so long they're doing it to live their lives in the moment and move on, but also because they fear being alone.
It's a quick fix if that's the case, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart. The good news is they rarely last, rebounds generally fall apart within 3-4 months, and you know why.
When your ex goes into a rebound relationship, they're not really looking for that special someone even though they may think so. They just need help getting over you - and they think that being in another relationship will ease and speed the process. They sometimes don't know that they are not ready for another relationship either even when they think so. Especially if they still carry so much leftover baggage from the relationship: resentment, anger and other unresolved issues after the breakup, there is really no space in their heart for a new relationship. And often they don't know that till they're in one.
Usually, before too long, after the excitement of a new love passes, they start to see the little things that they don't like and different or bigger set of problems or even the same issues they had with you -only now with someone they like less- begin to pop up. That's why such relationships unravel before too long more often than not. Soon enough, your ex will start squirming, pulling away and be looking for a way to get out of their new relationship - and, if you play your cards right, start thinking of making their way back into your arms!
And believe it or not, this was actually happening to my ex too a while back. Someone told me that my ex was going through a rough patch with his girlfriend cause he was not over me/our relationship. I heard he'd been pushing her away for months and he couldn't let go of his resentment or whatever feelings he had left for me. And it seemed to be directed at her. Just like most women, she wanted progress in relationship (and like most women, it was always not soon enough) and there had been none.
Bottom line is If they're still angry at you, they're not over you. As simple as that. Love and hate are but separated by a very thin line.
My take is he wasn't looking for a relationship, or at least unconsciously he wasn't. He was still in pain emotionally and he wanted to get it over with so he thought jumping into a new relationship with both feet would help him heal and be over me and our relationship sooner. There was no chance in the world he could start with someone new while not being over me and our marriage -even though he wanted to believe and told everyone he was.
Bottom line is, don't hold your breath that they will live happily ever after. The single best thing to do is to accept it, move on, be as happy and fulfilled as you can with your new life and watch their relationship run its course. Don't start fights or a "heart-to-heart" talk with their new fling or try to talk your ex out of it - both would make you look manipulative, desperate and needy. Instead, use this time to heal after the break-up by hitting the gym, going on a trip, working on a new project, socializing with friends and generally living as normal a life as possible.
When your ex's rebound relationship implodes - and it will - you can be rest assured that you can re-enter their life with a fanfare and you will look so much better to them, because at that time they begin to really think hard about you and the relationship they left behind! Create a lasting impression by letting them see the happy, self-fulfilled, wonderful and fun person you are, so they begin to ponder over the mistake they made to have dumped you. They now could see in a greater clarity how much better a person you are than the person they were dating before. Without much ado or any manipulation on your part, your ex will start seriously considering giving your relationship another chance - simply because their rebound made them see that you're not that bad after all! That's the power of newly found perspective.
For more tips about issues pertaining to reuniting with your beloved, there's a method that has been around for a while called the M3 System.
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.