My Husband And My Son / Daughter Don't Get Along: My Husband Is Forcing Me To Choose Between Him And My Child

There is no question that a second marriage involving children often faces more challenges than a first marriage. Why? Because blending families and baggage often means that you have ready made conflict - sometimes conflict that doesn't even have anything to do with you. People who already have one failed marriage understandably become extremely upset when something goes wrong with their second. And, it's only natural that a child's biological parents are going to feel the need to stick up for the child in the new, and blended family. This can pit a spouse against a child. And this can create a problem so serious that it risks the marriage.

I might hear from a wife who says: "I honestly thought that this marriage was going to be smooth sailing. I suppose this is very naive of me, but that is what I thought. In my first marriage, I admit that we were both immature. We did nothing but fight. It got to a point where there wasn't any physical attraction left so I wasn't really all that motivated to work out our problems. Well, when I met my second husband, sparks flew. That definitely wasn't a problem with us. And we just seemed to have an instant connection. We got married right away. I love everything about him. The problem is that neither of us get along with the other's children. My kids are really struggling with the divorce. And I have always promised my kids that if they work really hard, I will pay for their college. I had saved money for this, but we used some of that money to make a payment on a bigger family home, since he has kids too. My new husband has to pay a substantial amount of child support, so he says we can not afford to pay for any of the kids' college. I told him that this wasn't fair. My kids have already been through too much for me to tell them they can't go to college or they have to work incredibly hard when they have already put in their time. He won't even negotiate about this. He told me that I'm crazy if I think that we're going to financially support any of our children. His kids text both him and me asking for material things constantly. He always caves. My children never ask him for anything. They don't particularly like him. Last week, my daughter asked for money for a homecoming dress. I'm going to be honest and say that I gave her the money in secret. I knew my husband would freak out if he knew. Well, somehow he found out about it and he told me that I have to choose between him and my kids. He said he only wants to be financially responsible for his own kids and that their father needs to pay for their extras. He says he won't stay married to me if this isn't the agreed upon arrangement. What am I going to do? I can't turn my back on my children. I won't do that. Their father does help out, but finances are always tight. And I don't want to be a twice divorced middle aged woman either."

This is a very difficult situation. I don't mean or want to lay on the guilt. But I have to tell you that I went through a similar situation when my own parents divorced. I can't tell you how painful it is to be the child in that situation. Don't for a second think that your kids don't know what is going on. They do know. And it hurts them badly. They feel responsible and they feel as if everything that is happening is all their fault. And they are dealing with the pain of their parents' divorce at the same time that they are feeling rejected by their new step parent. It is a lot to juggle.

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I know that it is very common for the members of a new household to struggle when trying to come up with a plan that works for everyone. But I don't think it's ever right to try to pit a child against an adult. And I don't think it's ever right for your spouse to ask that you reject your child in order to accept him. That's just not healthy and it will erode both your relationship with your child and your relationship with your new spouse.

I would definitely highly recommend counseling here because a neutral third party could help both of you see what is reasonable and appropriate and what is not. The counselor could also suggest compromises that would be more likely to work for everyone.

I know that you will likely get rejection from him because of finances. So you may try something like: "honey, you know that this marriage is extremely important to me. I am determined to make things work. I made many mistakes in my first marriage and I do not want to repeat them here. One of the things I did then was allow my problems to magnify until they were too big to work out. I don't want to do that this time around. I want to address our problems while they are still manageable. That's why I think it's a good idea to go to family counseling. I know that money is tight. But I think I could do some research and find an inexpensive alternative through church or our kids' school. It's very important to me that all of our kids feel loved and secure and I worry that this is not the way that we are headed. I want this marriage to be healthy and happy for all involved. Will you work with me to make that happen?"

I do want to stress that I'm not saying the husband in this scenario is a bad guy. He is likely overwhelmed financially and he is trying to get his new wife to meet him half way (although he is going about this in a destructive way.) So I think it's important to make him understand that you want to work with him, but not ever at the expense of your own children.

Financial issues are very common right now. But the thing is, one day all of your children (yours and his) will one day be adults with their own families. You just have to get through this in the near future and then it will be an issue that doesn't repeat itself. So it's important not to let this ruin your marriage because calmer waters are likely ahead.

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This is an article for women...

Suppose your husband walked up to you and said, "I'll do the dishes tonight if you'll have sex with me later...interested?"

What would your answer be?

For many women, their answer would be "NOT interested" for two very big reasons. One, it's a manipulative, "score-keeping" proposition that's completely unattractive. It's a proposition that's designed to create obligation and debt...which can quickly turn into guilt or resentment...and negative emotions don't lead to positive experiences.

Two it's a cheapening proposition. It would cause most woman to feel cheap...like a low-value commodity being traded for another low-value commodity...like their body was equal in value to a dish-washing job.

Wives don't want their husband to do things just to get sex...but then they turn around and tell their husband that if he'll help out more it will help her get in the mood to GIVE HIM SEX.

So, do you want to know why so many men think, behave, and operate in a way that's unattractive to a woman?

It's because they took their "prompts" from the women in their past and now they take their "prompts" from their wife!

In other words, when a wife is constantly telling her husband things like, "If you'd help out around the house more...I might be more interested in making love" then the message the husband is going to get is, "Do things to get sex."

And wife, you know good and well, the more things your husband does to get sex, the more you're going to resist him, right?

So, don't "train" him to be that way!!!

Of course, life responsibilities should be divided up in an equitable way that capitalizes on each person's strengths. But, that doesn't mean a woman has to play manipulative games that insinuate sexual offers in order to get her husband to help out more...or to give her something she wants...and the woman who plays such games should not be surprised when her husband responds with manipulative...unattractive...behavior.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Ok, disconnecting doing things from getting sex is the first shift a wife can make to create a more satisfying marriage. Now, let's talk about the second shift...

Lady, did you notice my uppercased words earlier, "GIVE HIM SEX"?

Here's what I've got to ask you...when you give your husband sex, what are you giving yourself?

This is the mistake that way too many women make...they do so many things for someone else...and they thereby DRAIN all the joy OUT of what would otherwise be a wonderful experience or event. By doing things for someone else, they transform it into something to feel resentful, bitter, and unappreciated about.

But, when a woman does something FOR HER SELF...AND to be a blessing to others...THEN, she can CAPTURE all the joy, pleasure, and satisfaction out of the experience or event that's there just for her to get and enjoy. In this model, it doesn't matter what other people (your husband) does or does not do because you're doing the right things for YOU.

A woman can re-read the previous paragraph as many times as she needs to.

So, in the realm of sex, a woman should NOT "give her husband sex". Instead, she should give HERSELF sex with her husband...she should enjoy sex for HERSELF while sharing in the experience WITH her husband.

How big of a step would you have to take to make this shift? What would it take for you to reach a state of honesty and integrity where you could LET yourself enjoy sex for YOU without shame, criticism, condemnation, judgment, or guilt?

Here's what I can tell you...when you can openly and honestly want sex because YOU want it...not because your husband did something...not because you want something from your husband...but because you like it and want it THEN two BIG things will happen for you. One, you will FREE yourself to enjoy the satisfaction and pleasure that's missing for you when you are just giving your husband sex. Two, assuming your husband is a normal man, you will fire up the love and respect that he has for you to a level that's beyond anything you have ever imagined in your most fantastic Cinderella or Snow White fantasy.

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For a married woman one of the most troubling situations is when your husband is pulling away. Every relationship has an ebb and flow and that's certainly true of marriages as well. Whether you've been together one year or twenty years, when your spouse starts to act distant and says he needs time, it's difficult not to panic. If this is happening to you and you love him and don't want the relationship to end in divorce, you need to take action now before it's too late.

When your husband is pulling away from you, your initial reaction may be to suspect he's been unfaithful. We typically jump to the conclusion that another woman must be involved if our husband doesn't find us as interesting as he once did. Although this does happen, it's rarely the reason he's become distant. Most men pull back when they feel some confusion. He may be struggling with trying to determine whether he's still in love with you versus loving you. There's a distinct difference there and when a man begins to feel that he's falling out of love with his wife, he'll often disconnect from her emotionally. If this is indeed what is happening in your relationship you need to give your husband what he asks for, which is some time and space.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

It may seem counterproductive to let your husband have distance from you when he says he's not in love, but it can actually help to repair the relationship. You need for your spouse to feel that you respect his needs and wishes. If you try to hold on tighter to him when he's asking for space, he'll feel smothered and start to resent you. Many couples who go through a separation go on to have a stronger, closer marriage. If he wants to move out for a time, let him.

You must also give him a chance to express what he's feeling without fear of being verbally attacked or emotionally overwhelmed by you. Tell him that you want to hear what he has to say and then promise you'll stay calm and collected. Don't take offense at his comments. Instead listen to them and learn from them. If you fully understand what he's feeling, it will help you to change what's not working so your marriage can move forward on a positive note. Compromise is essential if your husband is pulling away and you want to save the relationship.

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The worst thing that could happen in a relationship is watching her get bored with your marriage or with your relationship. If your marriage is getting dull to the point that your wife loses interest, you have to recognize it and do something to make it work and last as long as possible. You have to keep her interest and save your relationship.

You have to do something to keep her interest, remember that marriages can be saved and you have to take action and be ready to rekindle your relationship with your wife. Keep her interest to continue living your life with her and enjoy years of happy marriage.

It is important to have an open communication with her to keep her interest. Women love to talk and to discuss their feelings. Men tend to be too busy with work and other things and if you really want to keep her interest and to save your marriage, you have to give her your time to sit down and talk. Talking with her will give you the chance to find out what is going on with her and what she needs from you.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Be willing to take action. Knowing what her problems and what she needs from you is not enough. Knowing what makes her bored and unhappy is your key to transform your marriage. You have to be committed to take action to keep her interest and make things work between the two of you.

Couples usually become so comfortable with each other, life becomes a routine and that makes the marriage boring. They forget how to have fun and add spice to their marriage to keep it fresh and exciting. When your wife tells you she is bored, and losing interest in being married, take it seriously and do not ignore her.

Think of ways how to keep her interest, plan a romantic getaway to rekindle your marriage, surprise her and make her feel special like you used to do. Do something nice for your wife and let her know what she does is appreciated. Spend quality time with her. Get some alone time with her and make things right again.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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