My Husband Isn't There For Me When I Need Him: My Husband Is Not Emotionally Supportive

When you get married, you envision that this means that someone will always have your back. You envision that you will always have someone to listen to you, to help you with your problems, and to try to offer comfort when you need someone. That is why it can be very disappointing when you look around you realize that your spouse and your marriage have fallen far short of this ideal.

A wife might say: "my husband is never there for me and I am sick of it. When he is sick or feeling down or trying to overcome something, then I am always his cheerleader, making him is favorite foods, tending to him, telling him that he's brilliant and he will end up just fine. But if I should need something from him, forget it. He's not going to help me, much less acknowledge me. Last month, I got very sick and missed a lot of work. My husband didn't tend to me in the least. He just basically waited for me to get better just I could resume my duties at home. There was no food. And my husband wouldn't cook for himself. So I had to order take out. When I got back to work, I was fired. I knew it was coming because my company has been downsizing for a year. Still, it was a shock. It was painful. All I wanted was for my husband to tell me that it would be OK and that he would pick up the slack until I could find another job. He didn't do that. He almost acted like it was my fault I was fired. He told me it would be OK. That is what his words said. But his face said he was freaking out. And that he was horribly disappointed. I feel like I have to carry the entire load and that when I stumble, he is not there to pick me up so I just have to struggle. I am starting to think that my life might be easier if I were alone. Because then I would only be responsible to one person. But I love my husband and I don't want to be middle aged and divorced. How can I get him to be there for me?"

I know that this is hard. You deserve more and you are not out of line to want it. The first step is to evaluate if you have gotten into a pattern of caregiver and caretaker. And please don't take this the wrong way. But often, we get into patterns in our marriage and we don't see these patterns until something causes us to want or need to break out of them.

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Evaluate If You've Unknowingly Taken On A Role: Granted, I didn't know this couple. But I have known (and have heard) from many like them and I fall into this category also. There is a natural inclination to get into a pattern where one spouse is the caregiver while the other is the taker. Often, it is the wife who falls into the caregiver role because women are just naturally nurturing and men (who grew up with mothers who nurtured them) are conditioned to want and need this caregiving.

It isn't until us wives get into a situation where we'd like some of this nurturing for ourselves that we notice that it is a huge problem that we want fixed. To be fair, our husband often doesn't see this coming because we go along with it until a situation comes along that changes things.

Know That This Doesn't Come Naturally To Many Husbands: I'd suspect that when this wife wasn't under pressure and feeling good about things, she happily fell into the caregiving role and enjoyed someone to care for. However, when she understandably needed her husband to have her back, she felt betrayed and let down when he didn't. But what she needed to understand is that while this process may come very naturally to her, it may not have been so intuitive for her husband. If you were to ask him, he might say something like: "I'm just not sure what to do. I know that she's feeling bad right now, but I don't know how to help her. I tell her that things will be OK. And I believe that they will. But she doesn't seem to want to hear this. So I don't know what to do next."

Seeing her want to change roles may be confusing and intimidating to him because men often don't know how to nurture and it feels foreign to them. They are afraid that they are going to do something wrong.

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Spell It Out: As unfair as it might seem (because we often think that he should just know what we need) you will often have to get very specific with him about what you need from him. That way, you have a better chance of getting it. And, if you don't get it then you know he's choosing not to give it to you.

So you might try a conversation like: "I know that I'm asking more of you than usual right now. But I need for you to be there for me. I'm struggling right now. So, just for a little while, I need for you to pick up the slack. What that means is that I need for you to take care of the groceries and the meals. I need your reassurance that, financially, you'll handle things until I get another job. I need to feel that you can prop me up for a little while. I know that this may feel awkward because I don't always ask this of you when I should. But I need it right now. I need to see an effort to feel like you're there for me."

When you see him taking care of the food and at least making an effort to do as you asked (because you can't expect him to be as good at this as you are) make sure you acknowledge that he's trying. This means he will try again and you can get out of the pattern of caregiver and the cared for. You're right that you deserve more. But you often have to ask for it in order to break out of the pattern that's already been established.

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People always have butterflies in their stomachs when they know that their big day is coming. It is something people do not get to experience all the time because there are those who would rather remain single. However, for people who choose to be tied down and be settled, they always think about some tips to save a marriage. They know that problems will come their way and will try their best to surpass these obstacles.

One advice people give other married couples is to seek guidance from a therapist. If they notice that they are always arguing about little things, they need to ask expert help. This is only one of the many tips to save a marriage that people actually follow. Nevertheless, some would rather try to patch things up their way and see what happens. They try to lengthen their patience so that no arguments whatsoever arise when one party seems to wake up at the wrong side of the bed. The differences that they have are one thing they need to work on. You need to live and learn to accept every flaw your partner has because it is just what makes people special.

Another tip people can do to keep that flame burning is to keep on thinking the happy times they spent together. This is one of the many effective tips to save a marriage. People overlook the misunderstandings, pains and sufferings of their relationship because they try to view it at a different perspective. Reminding one's self of the wonderful moments you shared is enough to make you realize what a great person your partner is. Despite everything you have gone through, your marrying your partner is one of the best things that happened in your life.

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There may be other tips to save a marriage; the aforementioned are only a few of it. You may have other ideas in mind to spice up your married life, go for it. It is nice to see people exerting extra effort so that they will still feel what they felt when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend. It may be hard at times to convince yourself that you will be waking up each morning with the person right next to you. However, it is also nice to know that you have someone whom you will grow old with.

You can also search on the internet for more tips to save a marriage since there are many articles and books available that you can read. Even if you have read many things about saving your marriage, it is still up to you on how you will carry it out. You and your partner need to do something so that you will not feel bored with one another. It is always nice to see couples madly in love with each other even after so many years of being married. Not every couple is able to live and experience their 50th wedding anniversary and still look happy being beside the person they promised to love forever.

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That's one of those statements that a woman never hopes she'll say. Unfortunately, many of us do after a few years of marriage. It's too bad that the honeymoon stage can last a lifetime. Once children and the day-to-day responsibilities of running a household and maintaining a job set in, it's easy for the dynamic between a couple to change. Perhaps your husband who was once doting and loving is now distant and emotionally unavailable. If you are still wild about him and you want him to love you again the way he did early in your relationship, you actually have the power to make that happen. There are many things any woman can do that will re-energize her marriage so her husband falls back in love with her even deeper than he was before.

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Learning how to make your husband crazy for you again starts with recognizing how the relationship has changed. Sit back and take stock of where the two of you are now emotionally compared to where you were when you first took that walk down the aisle. One common change in many marriages is that the couple begins to take one another for granted. This can range from no longer thanking them for the small things they do for you to holding back intimacy to punish them for upsetting you. You always need to remember that your husband is your partner and should be treated as such. If you stop appreciating him, he'll stop appreciating you. Take time each day to thank him for being in your life and for everything he does for you. Once you start doing this, he'll begin to feel closer emotionally to you again.

Another step towards regaining your husband's love and affection is to take yourselves back to the dating stage. Almost all married couples stop dating once they make the commitment to marriage. Your time alone together, enjoying one another's company shouldn't stop just because you've changed your status from single to married. Pick one night a week to be date night. Ensure that you have childcare available and go out and have fun. This doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Even just a drive or a leisurely walk while holding hands is enough. The key isn't in what you're doing but who you're doing it with. Once you spend more one-on-one time with your husband, you'll both rediscover why you fell in love in the first place.

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A marriage is not an easy thing to maintain by any means. When things are going wrong, even when both of you are trying to save the marriage, it is not easy to overcome the problems and set things straight. This, of course, gets much worse when you are alone in trying to save your marriage - if you say "my spouse wants out of the marriage!" this means you are alone, and it can be very difficult to avoid a divorce. But I have done this. And I am sure that if you read and digest what I am about to say, you can do this too, and maybe this is the most important thing you are ever going to read.

The first step to take when you say "my spouse wants out of the marriage" is to keep your calm. I initially failed on that, and nearly lost my marriage. This situation easily forces you to give out emotional responses such as begging or pleading. Do not allow this to happen. This is your first step to saving your marriage, and it might be the most crucial one, because it is not an easy thing to do.

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The rest, however, is much more easy, if you are able to take the first step correctly.

You do not have enough time to try every possible strategy to save your marriage. Do one thing wrong, and you might face losing your spouse forever. Realize that what you do in the upcoming days will decide if your marriage is saved or it is broken completely. At this stage, personally, I took action - I was taught to take an action plan and I committed myself to it. The result was that I saved my marriage.

This is what you do when you say "my spouse wants out of the marriage" - you stick to a plan of action that you know works, and you commit yourself to it. There is not enough time to try five different approaches. Take the way that you know works, and stay on it. This is how you save a marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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