My Husband Says He Needs Space: What To Do When He Needs Space

"My husband says he needs space." That's a terrifying statement for many married women to make. If the man you love and adore suddenly wants time away from you it's not hard to imagine the worst. Thought of an impending divorce and a future without him make it difficult to focus on anything but the shift in his feelings. If your husband has told you that he needs time away from you, there are things you have to do right now if you have any chance of saving the relationship.

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Trying to decipher exactly what it means when a man says he needs space isn't always easy. Naturally it's easy to jump to the conclusion that he wants nothing more to do with you. That's typically not the case at all. What it usually means is that he's feeling confused by his feelings and wants some time away from you so he can think things through clearly. As women, we generally find that the best way to solve any emotional conflicts we are feeling is by talking about them. Men are different in this regard. They usually need and want to be alone. It's much easier for a man to work his way through things if he has some peace and quiet. That's why it's essential for you to give him exactly what he needs. If your husband says he needs space, give him that.

This may mean that he'll want to move out for a time and again, you shouldn't be viewing this as the end of your marriage. Many couples separate only to rediscover their love for one another. That's why it's advisable for you to let him go if he says he wants to leave. Don't act overly emotional and don't beg him to stay. Just let him go and tell him you understand. Doing this will serve a couple of different purposes that are both beneficial for you. First and foremost you'll be showing him that you're putting his needs before your own. He needs to feel valued and important and this is a good way to do that. More importantly if he moves out he'll have a taste of life without you. It will ensure he'll miss you and often, that's all a man needs to decide he no longer needs any space from his wife.

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As women, we are often naturally affectionate. It is often not any effort for us to touch someone's arm, offer a hug, or to tell those who we love just how great we think they are. In fact, many of us feel that this is at least one reason why we were put on this earth - to enhance the lives of those that we care about and to make it so that they never question the fact that they are loved.

This comes incredibly natural to us. And that is why it is upsetting and confusing to us when those we don't do not reciprocate. This makes us wonder if they love us as much as we love them. And, if we are seeing this lopsidedness in our marriage, it makes us wonder what it all means.

I might hear from a wife who says: "this used to not bother me as much as it does today, but my husband never shows me any affection. It has been years since he has told me that I look nice. I can't remember the last time he touched me unless he was trying to get sex out of me. It would mean so much to me if I could get a hug that doesn't come before he wants to have sex. The second that he is nice to me, I know exactly what is on his mind because it is so out of character of him. Now, I don't want to be unfair and insinuate that he is cruel to me or anything because he isn't. He takes care of the household stuff that I don't want to do and he is a good provider. I never have to have the oil changed in my car or take out the garbage. So I know that he wants me to feel taken care of. The problem is that I do not feel loved. I don't see that affection that is usually between happy couples. Sometimes, I wonder if there is someone else, but honestly, I can't see it. Because I can't see him treating another woman any differently than me and no woman is going to want him when he acts that way. He doesn't show affection to the kids either so I know that I shouldn't take this personally. But I worry about my marriage. Because it shouldn't be this hard."

I think it would be interesting to see if the husband also worried about the marriage. I'd be willing to bet not, but I would never tell you that you shouldn't worry. Our intuition comes almost as easily to us as our ability to give affection. And it's not uncommon for our intuition to be right. So if something is telling you that there's cause for concern, then I would listen.

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Why Men Are Just Different: It is very common for men to have difficulty showing affection. They were not socialized in the same way that women were. Because they are going to be expected to grow up and be providers. Women, on the other hand, are expected to grow up to be caregivers. So we grow up in an entirely different way. Yes, these are stereotypes, but they absolutely exist. And that is why it is easier for women to be affectionate. They have been encouraged to do so their entire lives. Little girls cuddle and hug their dolls. Little boys are seen as sissies or as non masculine if they do this. They are often outright discouraged to do so. And that can be why it is so hard for your husband to show you affection now.

I don't tell you this because I don't want for you to want more. You every right to want more. And I'm going to suggest a way for you to get more. But first, I want you to understand why your husband may be acting in the way that he is. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't FEEL the affection. It just means that he has a hard time showing it.

Offer A Reciprocal Arrangement So That You Both Get What You Want: To begin, let's think about what he wants more of - likely sex, if he is typical. You want more affection. There has to be a happy medium. The next time he begins to show you affection and nature takes it course, you might seize the opportunity to make your point. Afterwards, you might try something like: "it is always so nice when you are affectionate to me. But it doesn't happen enough. I'd like it if you would kiss and hug me spontaneously sometimes and not always right before sex. It would mean a lot to me and I'd be willing to reciprocate by being the one to initiate sex sometimes. That way, we are both getting what we want without either of us feeling as if we are working so hard. What do you think?"

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Now, I know that some people are going to read this and think: "why should I have to spell it out for him like this? Why do I have to be so forward?" The answer is because by spelling it out, you are more likely to get what you want. You can continue on as you are and still feel frustrated or you can take a deep breath and say what you need to say.

Make Sure You Applaud All Efforts: When your husband does do as you asked (he may not do it immediately or with the frequency that you want at first because it's likely to be awkward for him) make sure you show your appreciation and make a big deal out of it. And make sure that you are not withdrawing your own affection out of frustration. You always want to demonstrate the behavior that you want to see from your spouse.

After repeating this process for a while, you should be seeing more spontaneous affection and because he's not having to do all the work sexually, you are likely to see a transformation that will make you a lot happier. If you have tried this very methodically and he's still not showing affection, then you may want to consider as to whether it is something more.

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You enjoy watching movie, but he likes watching sports. You prefer to have outings with just him alone, but he thinks that the more the merrier. You love your husband, but you are not happy because there are lack of common interests and hobbies. You wonder how to be happy when there is nothing much in common with your husband.

Most people think that they must have things in common in order for a relationship to be happy, but the fact is you really don't. It is a common sight seeing two people with totally different characters happily married and it all matters to how you manage your marriage.

All you really need to have in common in order to be happy with your husband are only two things.

- The mentality to sustain and keep a relationship going.
- Willing to make changes and compromise to improve your relationship.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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When you want to have a good relationship, one point to take note of is the mutual respect and understanding. Usually, when couples start to complain about not having things in common, it is more of a complaint about the overall of the relationship. Most of the time, they may also be facing one or more of these problems as well like communication breakdown, lack of intimacy, boredom and so on. All these problems will not help couples to respect and understand each other.

Instead of thinking the issue about not having much things in common, you can try to fix the rest of the other problems first. Once you get those problems done, you will eventually feel that the problem of not having much things in common with your husband also disappears.

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It is a fact that if a person truly wants to enjoy improvements in their life and in their marriage, they must make positive shifts in their way of thinking and operating.

But, before that can happen, they must become aware of what shifts they need to make. And sometimes, all a person needs is a few simple questions...questions that help them see themselves in a new and different way...and then they are able to make the shifts that produce MAJOR improvements in their life.

Knowing this, consider these questions in relation to you, your spouse, and your marriage:

1. Whose efforts do I depend upon to get what I want?

2. Do I need my spouse in order to get what I want?

3. Is the satisfaction and fulfillment that I desire dependent upon my spouse?

4. Is my physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual well-being tied to my spouse?

5. Do I believe my spouse is obligated to take care of me?

6. Is it my belief that my spouse should come through for me when I want something...without any effort on my part?

7. Do I blame my spouse for the results, conditions, and circumstances in my life?

8. Do I require the support of others...which gives them license to control me?

9. Who does my thinking for me?

10. Who drives my actions? Do I act of my own volition...or am I acted upon by others?

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11. Who do I get my direction from?

12. Who do I expect to validate me?

13. Who is it that I primarily rely upon?

14. How cooperative with others am I?

15. How clear am I on what I want out of my marriage?

16. How clear am I on what my spouse wants out of our marriage?

17. How clear am I on what my spouse and I want together out of our marriage?

18. Do I consider my spouse's talents and abilities to be threats or allies?

19. Am I a person of integrity, power, strength, and courage?

20. Does my behavior indicate a belief that I must manipulate people into giving me what I want?

21. Does my mode of operation reveal a belief that I must use available "assets" as leverage...as weapons...to get what I want?

22. How much energy do I give to my spouses weaknesses, failures, and flaws?

Here's an eye-opening exercise you can try; on a piece of paper, write down the major frustrations you are experiencing in your marriage. Then, reference each frustration against these 22 questions.

What did you find out?

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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