My Husband Wants A Divorce But Still Sleeps With Me: Getting A Divorce But Still Sleeping Together

I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands are giving several mixed signals about wanting a separation. On the one hand, they are telling their wives that they think a separation is best. But on the other hand, they will be somewhat affectionate or will make comments like they will miss their wife or don't want to give her up.

I heard from a wife who said, in part: "my husband told me three weeks ago that he thinks we should get a separation. During that time, he has been looking at apartments and last week, he told me that he found one. He was packing last night and he said 'I know the separation is the right thing, but I don't want to give you up. And I have no idea how I'm supposed to let you go. This really is so hard.' When my husband says things like this, I get so frustrated because frankly this is really hard for me, especially when he makes comments like that. I mean, when you separate, aren't you letting the person go in a sense? And if he doesn't want to let me go, then why is he pushing a separation? When I ask him these questions, he tells me that it is complicated and that, although he is conflicted, he feels that we need to pursue a separation. I just don't know what to make of this. Why does he say things that contradict each other which hurt me and leave me confused? Is he trying to let me down easy or does he enjoy hurting me?"

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I doubt that the husband was saying these things to hurt his wife. Many husbands are quite conflicted about a separation. This can especially be true when he sees how much the same is hurting his wife. And, just like you, it can be hard for him to turn off his feelings. A separation doesn't mean that he no longer loves you or that he doesn't wish that things were different. In the following article, I will tell you what it can mean when your husband says contradictory things in the beginning of a separation.

He's Likely Being Honest When He Says He Doesn't Want To Let You Go. He Often Wishes That There Was Another Way To Solve Things: Many wives think that their husbands say contradictory things because they are trying to let them down easy. The wives often think that the husbands don't mean the things that would indicate that the feelings are still there. This often isn't the case. The feelings don't just disappear when the marriage is in trouble. While negative feelings sometimes compete with or counteract with the positive ones, the positive feelings are often still there, and this can make the separation that much more difficult.

Man often express this on my blog when they make comments like: "it's very difficult because I do love my wife and I wish our marriage was different, but it's not. I don't know how else to sort this out. I still love her and I don't want to let her or our marriage go but we have serious problems that we need to overcome."

Another common comment is something like "believe me, if loving each other was enough, then my wife and I would be OK. This is not about not loving each other because we do. The love is there, but the ability to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage is not. If I could miraculously make our marriage work tomorrow, I would, but I can't seem to make it so."

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Hopefully, you can see the theme here. The husbands often still have loving feelings toward their wives, but they don't know how to fix things so that the marriage works for both of them. Hopefully, it's now obvious that since the feelings are there, fixing the issues might just also fix the marriage.

Try To Focus On The Issues Instead Of The Feelings: If your husband is saying things like he doesn't want to let you go or is giving you phrases that indicate that he still has loving feelings for you, then in my opinion you should trust that this is true unless he is giving you a reason to believe that he is trying to deceive you. Instead, of continuing to ask him (or yourself) why he's talking about these feelings, ask yourself what is keeping the feelings from being enough.

Because generally speaking, there is something that is keeping the feelings from being sufficient for him to stay home and not push for the separation. Only you know what the issue might be. But some examples are things like: a conflict that just keeps cropping up; "growing apart; a lack of intimacy; misunderstandings; communication issues; sexual issues; money issues; and the list goes on and on. But often, you both know what the central issues are that need to be worked through. And the good news is that since the feelings are still there, if you are successful in addressing the issues, then the feelings might once again take center stage followed by the commitment to your marriage so that the separation won't be necessary or can come to an end.

And often, once you are able to work through the conflict, the feelings that were there become stronger because you have weathered the storm together and you have come out united as a result. So to answer the question posed, your husband's conflicting stance about your separation and his feelings for you can actually be good news because it means that the feelings are still there and now you need to work on the conflict. I can't tell you how many people contact me because the feelings are gone. It is harder to work through the conflict while trying to return the feelings than vice verse. So in that way, you are actually fortunate. Try to focus on that positive turn of events and not be driven by fear and doubt. Your real goal should be not to determine if and why he's being truthful, but to solve the conflict to get him home or to not want the separation at all.

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A good marriage doesn't turn bad overnight, instead, it is a result of a number of different things that have been built up over the years. If you feel like your in a bad marriage there are some things you can do to help your situation.

A bad marriage can get worse and it will if you continue to practice bad habits. So take a look at 3 bad marriage advice tips that can help you make your marriage better before it becomes worse.

Don't Go To Bed Mad At Each Other: You shouldn't go to bed mad at each other because these negative emotions will most likely carry over to the next day. Instead, you should workout whatever problems your having before you go to bed so that you can start fresh the next day.

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Don't Break Promises: If you keep making promises and then break them your partner will eventually stop trusting you. We all know a marriage cannot survive without trust so it is important to maintain the trust your partner has in you. So if you promise your partner that you are going to wake up early in the morning and make them breakfast in bed then keep your promise and do it.

Don't Sweat The Little Things: Believe it or not, your partner could be worse than what they are so you should quit sweating the little things. Don't start flipping out about every little thing because your partner isn't perfect and they will have their flaws. Try your best to focus on the big picture and the long term. Cheating, being disrespectful towards you, and lying to you are some things you should take seriously and address head on. However, not washing the dishes, not taking out the trash, or them not doing something exactly the way you wanted them to do it is not that big of a deal. You should try to appreciate everything your partner does good.

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If you want to fix an unhappy marriage then the first thing you have to do is admit to yourself and your spouse that your marriage is having problems. After you both have admitted that your marriage has problems you can then start talking about the actions you are going to take to fix it.

The first step you need to take in order to fix an unhappy marriage is to communicate. Communication is probably the reason your marriage is in the bad shape it's in right now. You should keep talking to each other about your problems and try to reach a common understanding.

You shouldn't shut yourself up because you need to let your emotions out or else your marriage won't get any better than what it is now. Taking the time to communicate about your problems will help the both of you rebuild your marriage into a happy one.

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The next step you need to take is apologize. It is important to apologize to your partner if you know that you have made a mistake. Some married couples don't apologize to each other because they feel like it will make them small. However, apologizing will show your partner that you know you were wrong and you will try to make sure that the same thing won't occur again in the future.

The next thing you need to do is avoid any heated arguments. If you feel that you and your partner have an argument that is about to become heated then you should try to keep your cool and avoid the argument. A heated argument will not help the repair of your marriage because people usually say things they don't mean when they're mad. Avoiding heated arguments will keep your marriage stable and keep you from saying those things you will regret later.

Finally, you are going to have to sit down and find solutions to the problems in your marriage. Both you and your partner should have peaceful discussions to analyze the issue and resolve them.

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Many married couples have different feelings about whether they should try to save their marriage or just let go. This can be a tough decision to make but you have to ask yourself if your ready to accept a failure and move on. If you still love your partner then saving your marriage is always worth a try. So is your marriage worth saving? If you still can't make up your mind here are somethings you should consider that can help you come to a decision.

Starting All Over: Since you and your partner have been together for so long you have already been through troubled times with them and you know a lot about each other. If you start all over again with someone new you will have to go through the troubled times again in your new relationship. Since nobody is perfect you will experience some form of pain with a new partner and then you will be in the same situation your in right now with problems to work out.

Sharing Time With Your Children: If you end your marriage and move on you will have to share the responsibilities of raising your children. This can cause a lot of tension in the relationship you have with your children because splitting time between their parents is not something kids want to do.

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Statistics: Studies show that an estimated 50% of first marriages fail. However, statistics show that this percentage is even higher for the marriages that follow after the first one.

Finances: Statistics also prove that married couples are more likely to get approved for a mortgage loan than people who are divorced and single. You can't deny the financial benefits of having two sources of income instead of one.

So is your marriage worth saving? Only you can answer this question but you should always give love a chance. If you still love your partner then there should be no other reason needed for you to try and save your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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