My Wife Thinks I'm Cheating On Her But I'm Not: How To Prove I'm Not Cheating - Constantly Being Accused Of Cheating

Accusations of cheating in relationships have existed as long as cheating has existed. Making accusations of cheating existed long before the internet, the telephone or even the pony express. Ancient legal codes often contained remedies for both cheating and accusations of cheating. The Egyptian, Roman, Hindu and Hebrew codes have specific penalties and remedies for dealing with both adultery and the false accusations of adultery. Even Hammurabi's code of ancient Babylon, addresses the topic. The existence of such laws indicates that cheating and making accusations of cheating have been around a long time. When marriage is sanctioned by law, the law has remedies for false accusations. Despite the long history of cheating, modern society continues struggling with cheating and accusations of cheating.

False accusations have always been problematic, especially with cheating. Once the accusation is made, it seems that people often assume that you are guilty of that behavior. Even in nations where one is innocent until proven guilty, the accusation of cheating somehow carries with it the burden of proving your innocence.

Slander and libel laws are often used as a remedy to false accusations of cheating which come from outside the family. (In terms of legal definitions, libel is anydefamationthat can be seen, such as a writing, printing, effigy, movie, or statue. Slander is any defamation that is spoken and heard.) When accusations are made by your wife or girlfriend they are challenging for you to deal with. The mere accusation carries with it the burden of proving that nothing happened. Even though you may have done nothing wrong, you have the extra burden of proving it.

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In the event that you are accused of cheating, proving that you are innocent is sometimes not enough. When the accuser has a different definition of cheating than you do, there are some significant problems. Most couples have different definitions of what constitutes 'cheating'. Since there is no standard definition of what cheating is, proving that you did not do it poses some difficulties. The accuser may be making their accusation on what they feel or alienated affections, yet you may have a narrow definition of cheating that is limited to coitus with another person.

Assuming that you are innocent the following options are worth considering:

1. Hear them out. Then calmly produce evidence proving your innocence.

2. Make sure that you and the accused are using the same definition of what defines cheating.

3. Character is often a factor. If you have a history of cheating or stretching the limits of what is acceptable, you have an additional burden. Make sure that your reputation or character backs up your claim of innocence. If you have a habit of lying, this is when it comes back to haunt you. Even if you are a liar who tells people what they want to hear in order to avoid conflict, it is bad news.

4. Produce witnesses and evidence which back up your claims of innocence.

5. Find out what is behind the accusations. If they are being coached by a lawyer or lawyer want to be, there may be another motive at work.

6. Reassure them of your commitment and find the sources of their fears.

When you accused, there are some options that you do not want to exercise. These options may sound good at the time, yet the consequences are often disastrous.

1. Ignore the accusations

2. Treat the accusation as a joke

3. Get defensive about the accusation.

4. Attack the accuser to take attention off of yourself.

5. Accuse the accuser of lying, especially in public.

The accusation of cheating may be a sign of something more sinister going on. In such cases, the accusations may be a projection of the accuser's wishes.

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The accusation of cheating may be them projecting their own desires on you. This amounts to them accusing you of something they have been thinking about. When they assume that you are cheating they may be wishing that they themselves were cheating or have been fantasizing about you cheating. Since you are dealing with the 'desire' to cheat, the ground rules get weird. They are not always cheating themselves. It could be that they want to cheat, but deny wanting to. It could be that this desire is a part of their own mind that they do not want to acknowledge. Turning the tables on them and making accusations that they are cheating may blow up in your face and be met with a denial of such desires.

In some cases, the accusation of cheating may have a secondary purpose. They may want to make you look bad, in order to dirty your reputation. They may know that you did not cheat. In court room situations, people are often accused of behaviors they are innocent of for the sake of making them look defensive or questionable. It is not unusual for such accusations to occur with contested child custody situations or Parent Alienation Syndrome situations.

Making you look bad may also be part of a plan to get you fired. When people can not be fired for poor performance or drug abuse, people have been known to make up accusations of cheating. Knowing how cheating creates questions in the minds of onlookers, the mere accusation has been known to ruin reputations. The Bible mentions 'avoiding the appearance of evil'. That advice is important if you want to maintain a good relationship at work. That means you will want to avoid questionable jokes, or making advances that could be misinterpreted. When your business reputation is at stake, it is more a matter of what people think than what you have done. You may want to assume that what others think is no matter to you, when it comes to your business reputation, it does.

When someone close to you makes accusations of cheating, if you want to save the relationship, you will need to take the accusations seriously. Take actions to contain and detoxify the situation as soon as you can. When it comes to accusations, waiting makes matters worse more often than it makes them better.

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I'm sure that we could agree that a strong marriage is one that is based on true love. But, how do you "love" someone? How is it that you really do that?

For many people, if you take away the sexual aspect of love, what's left in their mind is so ambiguous, abstract, and ethereal that there's really nothing left for them to take action on.

Consequently, there's not nearly enough "loving" going on in way too many marriages.

So, let me give you a definition of love that's "actionable" - a definition that'll make perfect sense to you and enable you to love your spouse in a meaningful way that they'll readily recognize and appreciate.

Loving your spouse is doing three things:

1. It's consistently directing goodwill towards them

2. It's truly wanting the best of everything for them

3. It's helping them obtain the good they desire in any way you can

As a human being, you have God-given intellect, God-given will-power, and God-given choice-power. That means that if you really want to, you can consciously choose to do all three of the above items and thereby express love to your spouse in a way that will cause your marriage to blossom and bloom into a union of beauty and harmony that you may not even be able to imagine right now.

And, all three of these are things that are easy to understand and they are things that you really can do.

In fact, I'd like you to now pause for a moment and do something for yourself...using your abilities to decide, think, and imagine...

1. Decide to consistently direct goodwill towards your spouse. Permanently install the notion in your mind that goodwill is something you have to give to your spouse - and that you want to give it to your spouse in every interaction. Firmly program your mind with the ideal that you are a constant transmitter of goodwill towards your spouse.

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2. Think about how you might direct goodwill towards your spouse. Use your imagination to visualize yourself doing that in the different kinds of interactions that you routinely have with your spouse. Use your imagination to picture you projecting goodwill towards your spouse when it's just the two of you, when it's the two of you with children, and when it's the two of you in a public sitting with other people around.

Then, repeat this two-step process for the ideal of wanting the best of everything for your spouse and for helping your spouse obtain the good they desire in any way you can.

I promise you, if you'll actively go through this two-step process for all three aspects of love, I can assure you there is going to be a different aura about you that your spouse cannot help but notice.

There'll be a shine on your face, a sparkling beam in your eyes, and your words and actions will emanate loving power towards your spouse. They'll be irresistibly drawn to you. Think of it, who could possibly resist a spouse that's for them - that's on their side?

In the best-selling book of all time, the Bible, we read that "God is love" and if we read a little deeper, we find that God's kind of love is the kind that directs goodwill towards us, wants the very best for us, and helps us get the good we desire.

In like fashion, a strong, successful, happy, fulfilling marriage is one where both the husband and the wife direct goodwill towards each other, they genuinely want the very best for each other, and they actively do their best to help each other obtain the good that they desire.

Of course, someone has to be the first one to move...print out this article, find the right time and place, and share it with your spouse. Let them know that you want to "love" them in this way and that you'd like for them to "love" you back in this way.

This is how you "love" your way into a stronger, happier, more fulfilling marriage.

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My marriage is falling apart is, unfortunately, something many of us say at some point. Realizing that the connection between you and your spouse isn't as strong as it once was can lead to feelings of sadness and despair. If you still love your partner and you don't want your family to fall apart, you need to act now. There are several things you can do to rebuild the relationship and make it stronger than it's ever been before.

The first thing you need to do when you start thinking to yourself my marriage is falling apart is to listen to your partner. It's so easy to get caught up in our own feelings when a relationship is in turmoil. It's natural to do this but it isn't going to help you cure the problems. You need to address what both you and your partner are feeling. Set aside some time to talk with them and to really listen to them. You have to be in a positive mindset when you do this. You need to be able to absorb what they say without taking offense to it. When a couple is struggling to keep their marriage together they are both feeling negatively towards the other. Be prepared to hear your spouse criticize you. Don't attack them for this, instead learn from it and let it help guide you towards improving.

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Another thing that you must do if your goal is indeed to save the failing marriage is to put your spouse first. This means that their needs have to come before anything else. One of the reasons so many marriages end in divorce is the couple starts to take each other for granted. Doing this leads to resentment and feelings of anger. Your spouse felt like the most important person in your life the day you two married and you need to make them feel that way again. Take time each day to be with them, alone. Do whatever you can to help them understand how much you value and appreciate them. If you can do this, they'll start to feel more connected to you again.

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Having your husband tell you that he wants a divorce is right up there with most wives' worst fears. And for most of us, as soon as we hear those words, we know that we are going to need to spring into action right away to try to change his mind. But what happens when your spouse says "he might want a divorce" and then seems to change his mind repeatedly. This makes it a bit more challenging because you don't know how bad the situation really is and you're stuck between wanting to react immediately to thinking that perhaps you should not overreact and only make things worse.

To put this into words, you might hear a wife say: "about three months ago, my husband told me that he wanted a divorce. I panicked and I begged him not to do this to us. I told him that we should go to counseling and do everything in our power to save our marriage. He said that he would think about it and he sort of dropped the topic for a while. Needless to say, I was incredibly relieved. And unfortunately for me, I was happy to just drop the subject. So a little time passed and now he is bringing up divorce again. I asked him why he seems to keep changing his mind. He says that he is not really changing his mind. He says that he's always thinking that we should get divorced but he isn't always motivated to go through with it because he's knows that it is going to cause a lot of pain and expense. And that makes him wonder if deep down, he truly wants the divorce after all. I am not sure what to make of this. On the one hand, I am hoping that he keeps right on thinking this way and doesn't pursue a divorce. On the other hand, I don't want to just ignore this problem and find myself divorced later. But I am not sure how to address this when he can't seem to make up his mind. What now?"

I will admit that I am probably prone to overreact in this situation simply because of my own past situation. I knew my husband wasn't exactly happy and I basically did very little to address it, while hoping for the best. I ended up separated and almost divorced. That is why it would be my inclination to treat this as a situation where you are dealing with a husband who definitely wants a divorce - even if he may not act on it immediate. You have to accept that he may well act on it in the near future. That way, you do not risk doing nothing and having to deal with an impending divorce later. And if you are wrong, the worst that happens is that you have tried some things which will hopefully improve your marriage.

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Determine The Source Of His Unhappiness: The first question to ask yourself is why he wants a divorce. Sometimes, he is very upfront about this. And he will tell you exactly why he wants out. Other times, he will only speak in general terms and you will have to make an educated guess. I have a lot of people who tell me that they don't know why their husband wants a divorce because he won't spell it out. I often ask them why they would guess that he wants a divorce. At first, they might insist that they don't know. But when I follow up and say "if I could wave a magic wand and suddenly you would have the exact reason that he wants a divorce, what would it be," you'd be surprised at how many people are able to come up with a very specific reason at that time.

If asking yourself this question doesn't work, set your timer for ten minutes and then just journal on the topic. Write down every single thing that comes into your head. Go ahead and do this now. Once you've written for ten minutes and let your mind roam free, read over what you have written. And then just notice the sensations that you have as you read through. Why? Because often, when you read over the reasons and you hit on the correct reason, you will often have some sort of response. You will likely feel something that makes you know that you have hit on it. This might be discomfort or a sick feeling of dread in your stomach.

Addressing The Core Of His Wanting A Divorce: Once you've decided that you might be close to why he wants a divorce, it's time to address this. You don't need to panic. You know that he hasn't filed and has expressed doubt about filing any time soon. So, although you will want to take action in a quick and methodical way, you don't need to overdo it so that it comes on too strong or it reads false. You don't want to do anything that makes your husband doubt your sincerity. You don't want him to think that the change is for nothing more than for you to call him off so that you can eventually go back to the way things were.

Instead, you want for him to know that any changes you make are going to be genuine and lasting. You want him to believe in them because they are true. This way, you will know that when he does change his mind about a divorce, he's not going to be revisiting this three months from now, because he no longer needs to.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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